Lily of the Valley

(You can listen to the album too!)

LILY OF THE VALLEY: ACT 1

It was a little before midnight. Everywhere in the house was dark. But the window on the second floor had moonlight shining through it. It illuminated the floor beneath SUNNY and MARI. SUNNY looked down at the floor. It had a shadow with the outline of the window. MARI was only a few steps away in front of him. She had been shouting something at him and he couldn’t understand what was being said. What were they even talking about?

The argument had gone on for so long that SUNNY wasn’t sure what had even started it. It must’ve been something he said while they were going up the stairs together. His first words in hours; words that had been building up for a long time. He had stayed silent the whole time they were practicing for the recital tomorrow. It doesn’t really matter what he said. It could’ve been the slightest retort back to anything MARI told him while practice; all the little details she engrained upon him for those few hours. It could’ve been something serious. Maybe, for the first time in his life, SUNNY actually said something mean about his sister. It really doesn’t matter. What mattered was that whatever he said, it snapped something in MARI’s head.

“Don’t you realize how grateful you should be?” MARI yelled. “Everyone is working hard so that we can do this. And it’ll be your fault when it all amounts to nothing.”

MARI was so frustrated. How come SUNNY couldn’t see just how important this was to her, to everyone? She was so tired of how ungrateful and selfish he was being. He didn’t care about everyone else. He didn’t care about her!

SUNNY just wanted MARI to understand him. She didn’t understand him at all. He knew how much work everyone did for this recital, but she wasn’t acknowledging anything he had done. Anything he could do was never enough for her.

“Am I asking for you to be the number one player in the country? No, I’m asking you to play a goddamn violin right!”

SUNNY couldn’t understand what MARI wanted from him. Just how much better does he have to get until she can be satisfied? He was really trying, he really was. And he thinks he’s getting better, day by day. But it was never enough. Eventually, it had become the night before the recital, and SUNNY couldn’t even remember the reason he wanted to play violin in the first place.

“I love you because you’re my brother, SUNNY, but to anyone else, you’re nothing. It’s not like you’re good at anything else. So why can’t you just do this one thing for me!”

SUNNY clenched hard at the violin he was holding. He could see his fingers, which were covered in calluses. He was clenching the violin so hard that he thought his palm would start bleeding. After a certain point, it was hard to hold the pain in. He had realized the source of the problem; the reason behind everything. And he was now going to get rid of it.

“All you do is eat away at my life.”

And maybe these were the words that finally broke SUNNY. It’s unsure whether it was these specific words or if it was the culmination of everything MARI had said up until then.

MARI reacted too late when SUNNY had already thrown the violin down the stairs. The silence was broken off by sounds of wood breaking, as the instrument collided along the steps, and eventually on the floor down below.

MARI couldn’t believe what she just saw. What the hell just happened? She exploded in anger again, livid that her brother would just do something like that. That he would just throw away the gift his friends had bought for him, the future they brought to him. Abandon their efforts, just like that. Who did he think he was? 

“You selfish little brat!” She screamed, and continued to yell more.

And SUNNY - he held on to his anger. He was just so tired. He couldn’t believe what he had done, either. What was going to happen now? Would he get in trouble? Oh god, would MARI get in trouble? Yes, even in that moment, SUNNY couldn’t help but worry about what would happen to her, and not him. What was he going to do? MARI was so angry, and he couldn’t understand what she was saying at all. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t do anything.

He just wanted everything to be over. He was tired.

SUNNY jolted and started heading down the stairs. In this instance, time seemed to be slowing down for MARI. She didn’t understand what was going on, but she could feel something. She felt that what she was about to do would impact both her life and SUNNY’s forever. She wanted to stop him. She wanted to block his way, because she wasn’t done talking yet. But there was something inside of her that told her: Don’t. Let him through. She had no idea what made her think this. She felt her heartbeat pump loudly throughout that entire moment. It felt like an eternity for her, but in reality, it went by in a matter of seconds.

Before she knew it, everything started moving normally again, and SUNNY was going down the stairs. She yelled his name one last time, as he leapt over the broken violin and disappeared into the dark.

She let out a sigh. Her heartbeat started to become steady. She walked down the stairs and stopped at the last step, looking down at the broken violin. She crouched down and started collecting the scattered pieces together so she could throw them away. Collecting the pieces helped MARI calm herself. A sense of relief eventually came over her. She had never told SUNNY this, but he would be dead-wrong in assuming the recital had been a source of anxiety for only himself. No, she was certain it had been even more stressful for her. Inadvertently, SUNNY had created a getaway for both of them. There would be some scuffle with her parents, but this recital was mostly on MARI’s insistence. Only now was she realizing how absurd she had been. Again, she would never admit this to him, but she thought maybe she should be grateful to him.

One of the sharper pieces pierced through the skin of MARI’s finger. She dropped it on the ground in reflex and started licking the wound. Then she jumped over the violin and all its pieces and walked up to the nearest shelf. She opened the bottom drawer and put a bandaid on her wound. She also found a paper bag she could use. And fortunately, there was a broom by the shelf that her mother used yesterday for cleaning. She used the broom to sweep the dismantled violin inside the bag and headed for the living room.

MARI called out SUNNY’s name as she entered the room. She couldn’t see anyone in the dark. She wanted to turn the lights, but wondered if SUNNY would be scared by that... She figured she would have to check the kitchen and the bathroom anyway.

Just as she was about to go to the bathroom, MARI noticed MEWO staring at her. MARI called out her name. She crawled and jumped her way to the sofa, as if she was leading MARI to it. She sat down on the sofa and MEWO promptly proceeded to land on her knees. She smiled and began petting the cat.

“You’re always there for me, huh, MEWO?” MARI kept petting her. “Please be there for SUNNY, too.”

Mari heard a clanking near the kitchen. That must be SUNNY, she thought. She let MEWO go and stood up. She made her way into the kitchen.

As she entered the kitchen, she saw SUNNY’s form, his back turned against her. She said his name, and he reacted by jittering and panicking, turning his head around to see her. He turned his body and MARI could see what he was holding in his hands. A kitchen knife. SUNNY was gripping the knife tight. His hands were shaking. He looked absolutely terrified. MARI didn’t have time to think. She started to slowly walk towards SUNNY, with her hands reaching out to him.

“SUNNY... What are you doing? Could you... could you put that down? Could you put the knife down for me, SUNNY? Please?”

MARI started getting lost in her words. She was becoming increasingly emotional as she looked at her brother’s utterly horrified expression. He reached the knife out and pointed it at his stomach.

“I... I’m sorry, SUNNY. I’m sorry for everything I just said. I love you, SUNNY. And... and you aren’t selfish, you’re not. So just... put that down? Could you do that for your sister?”

SUNNY turned his pupils to look at MARI. She was slowly getting closer. He stuttered to her that he can’t do this anymore. He’s so tired.

SUNNY plunged the knife into his abdomen, and at the same time MARI launched herself into him. When they collided and SUNNY was on the ground, the knife had already struck his stomach. She was too late. Blood was coming out of where the knife was, and SUNNY groaned in pain. MARI began panicking, muttering ‘oh my god’ over and over again as her little brother writhed on the ground.

She knew that she shouldn’t pull out the knife. She grabbed the towel hung on one of the drawers and pushed it on his wound. SUNNY let out an even bigger groan, which was similar to a scream. After a few seconds, she put his hands around the towel and told him this.

“SUNNY! SUNNY, LOOK AT ME.” She slapped SUNNY to wake him before he fell unconscious. “Keep pushing this where it hurts, alright? I’ll be right back.”

As MARI left to call an ambulance, SUNNY laid there and looked at the dark ceiling. He struggled to breathe as he kept gasping for air. He couldn’t do what Mari told him to do; he felt the strength in his muscles fade away. Though, it almost felt as if the pain was subsiding. He wasn’t sure if this meant he really was dying. Just a minute ago, he was serious about killing himself. But now that he was lying down like this, he felt all of it was so stupid. He hated seeing his sister cry like that. MARI came back. She was so capable and quick to action even as she bawled her eyes out, looking like the world was crumbling down before her. That’s MARI for you, SUNNY thought. He’s really going to miss her if he dies. He’s so sorry for what’s going to happen now.

He wondered how his friends would react if he died. KEL is always so happy and cheerful; would KEL cry for him if he died? Surely, AUBREY would cry for him. HERO is strong and mature, so he would try to act as an emotional pillar to everybody, even if he himself was devastated. And how would BASIL react? BASIL, his best friend. What... What would he do?

SUNNY’s sight began to go blurry. He felt colder. He could see the silhouette of MARI holding him as he lost the last of his vision. He could hear sirens, which became more and more muffled. But on top of the sirens were MARI’s voice, calling out to him. He couldn’t understand what she was saying.

His last thought before losing his consciousness was that he hoped he could see BASIL again.

SUNNY woke up to an unfamiliar ceiling. It was as white as porcelain. He turned his head to look around the room. The walls were just as white. He felt as if he was trapped in a little white box. There was a window to his side that was open, and wind breezed through it. He could hear birds sing, even. This isn’t too bad, he thought. He had always wanted to be put in a white space where no one could bother him.

He also soon realized that he was in a hospital, because his arm was hooked up to some IV. He started to panic and tried to raise himself up, but lost strength when he felt a terrible pain in his stomach. It was so painful that he couldn’t even let out any sound. He felt tears coming out of his eyes. He couldn’t move at all because the pain kept pressing onto his stomach. He was paralyzed on the bed for a good few minutes like that. He could only stare up at the white ceiling for that whole duration.

Someone entered the room and saw him writhing on the bed. It was HERO, who thought he was having a seizure, and called a nurse. KEL and AUBREY also came in and started crying, asking SUNNY what was wrong.

Jeez, guys, you’re being so dramatic, is what SUNNY would have said, if it wasn’t for the sharp, excruciating pain in his abdomen.

Eventually, a nurse came in and gave him some anesthetic. KEL and AUBREY were crying the whole way through, as if they were the one getting it. HERO kept trying to calm them down, but they were practically screaming up until SUNNY got a shot that made him go limp. The two only had a concerned look on their faces after that.

“Are you feeling fine, SUNNY...?” AUBREY asked carefully.

SUNNY wasn’t really sure if fine was the word he’d go with. He was feeling drowsy after that shot, and he had a hard time focusing on what was even being said to him. He just nodded to her question.

SUNNY realized there were two certain people who were missing in the room. One of those people, it was difficult for him to think about. It was as if his mind was attempting to repress his memories. Memories of them, and memories of what happened last night. The kids in the room were hesitant to ask what had happened as well.

But the other person, SUNNY was very curious as to where he was. After all, BASIL was the last person on his mind before he lost consciousness. Now that he remembered that, it was a little embarrassing. SUNNY tried to lower his face. To the kids, it just looked like SUNNY was nodding off as if he was about to fall asleep. SUNNY mustered up the strength to ask them where BASIL was.

“BASIL is...” HERO answered. “He didn’t take it very well, your news. He wouldn’t come with us... I was thinking of paying him a visit later today.”

“Yeah, he was super down, he wouldn’t even come out of his room!” KEL said.

That didn’t sound very good. SUNNY said he’d like to go with them.

“Uh... SUNNY, I think you’ll have to stay here a bit longer.” HERO refused to meet SUNNY’s eyes.

SUNNY wanted to ask him why, but he remembered what he just had to go through moments ago. The more he thinks about it, the stupider what he did last night seemed. He regretted it right after having done it and he regretted it even more so now. Why did he do that, anyway? He couldn’t remember well, yet.

“Yeah, SUNNY. We’ll come visit you every day! Not like I have anything to do after school.” KEL said.

“Yeah, YOU don’t, KEL.” AUBREY gave KEL a ferocious stare. “What about HERO? And M-”

“Pff. I don’t need HERO to bring me every time.”

“KEL... Do you even know how to take a bus?” HERO sighed.

“Sure I do! You just... ride them, don’t you?”

SUNNY felt happy that his friends were worried for him, but he tells them that he’ll be fine. He didn’t want to make them worried any more.

“Oh, I think I have to go...” AUBREY saw the clock on the wall. She looked dejected.

“What’s wrong?” HERO asked.

“If I’m not home soon, Mom might get...” She grit her teeth, like she caught herself almost saying a terrible thing. “She might get mad.”

“Oh.” HERO seemed to understand. “C’mon then, I’ll see you out. KEL, watch over SUNNY.”

SUNNY thought it was a little weird how he said that, “watch over.” But he felt too drowsy to think too much about it. AUBREY waved to SUNNY as she opened the door, and HERO followed her out.

“So... It’s just you and me, SUNNY.” KEL said.

SUNNY nodded.

“Just two best friends, in a hospital room... together.”

Yup, SUNNY said.

“Man, this is really awkward.” KEL scratched his head. “I’m not good at this stuff. I was hoping HERO would be doing the inspirational pep talk... Oh, not that I wasn’t worried, dude. I was freaking out when I heard about you!”

KEL smiled. He didn’t want to think about last night. He’s been trying not to think of that moment. The sirens, the stretcher, blood, sounds of wailing, and HERO hugging him, as he cried on his shoulder. He didn’t want to remember.

Last night, KEL and HERO woke up when they heard sirens. They saw an ambulance through a window and saw it parking next to SUNNY and MARI’s house. KEL was confused but HERO immediately figured it out and headed outside. KEL followed. They didn’t even change out of their pajamas, which bothered KEL. As KEL asked HERO what was going on, the sounds of their footsteps woke up their parents as well, and the whole family went outside to see their neighbors.

What they saw was shocking, to say the least. A bloodied SUNNY on a stretcher, with MARI wailing as she called out his name. MARI’s parents were also out. Their mother was crying with MARI and hugged her. Their father was about to get in their car to follow the ambulance, when he saw KEL and HERO’s family in utter shock. He decided they - or, at least HERO and KEL - must be just as worried as him, and let them know what was going on. That SUNNY stabbed himself. HERO ran to where MARI was, while KEL still couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

MARI saw HERO running towards her and got out of her mother’s embrace. They stared at each other for a few moments, with HERO having no idea what to say or ask. MARI started crying again and fell into HERO’s chest. HERO hugged her tight, not saying anything. MARI kept apologizing. She was apologizing to SUNNY. HERO didn’t ask anything about it.

MARI’s father and mother entered their car to follow the ambulance to the hospital. MARI also followed them and got in the car. HERO finally raised his voice and told his parents that they too should go after them. HERO’s parents understood his feelings, but told him that this was MARI’s family's matters, not theirs. HERO was quite upset at this. He yelled, “Don’t you even care about M-”, but paused himself and instead said, “About SUNNY?” HERO’s parents did understand him, but they told HERO they should be respectful to MARI’s family. They could go see him tomorrow. HERO wanted to scream at them, “what if he died?!”. But he could not dare put those words in his mouth. He eventually complied and they all walked back to their house.

KEL stood there on the street, watching all this happen, and tried to organize his thoughts. Did his best friend just try to... kill himself? It was unbelievable. He thought it was some kind of sick joke. When he saw him bleed, he thought some big bad guy broke into their home. He was totally ready to beat up the bastard. SUNNY was such a quiet, kind guy. He seemed so happy when they got him that violin for his birthday party. He seemed joyous when he played it for all of them; when he played it with MARI. Did SUNNY not want to live anymore? What about him, and AUBREY, and BASIL? HERO and MARI? He tried to leave them behind? KEL wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Was he angry? Angry that SUNNY would leave them behind? Sad because he didn’t mean anything to SUNNY?

No. KEL was disappointed in himself. He was disappointed he couldn’t see through his best friend. He could have prevented it. Maybe, just maybe, instead of having SUNNY hear out his dumb problems all the time, like the time AUBREY made fun of him for drinking Orange Joe, or that time KIM called him a nerd, he could have asked SUNNY what was wrong. He never even once *thought* about the possibility that SUNNY could need help. To the point that he didn’t want to live anymore...

“KEL?” Hero’s words snapped KEL out of it. “Let’s go.”

“...Okay.”

When they went back to their beds, KEL could not sleep. Those thoughts would not leave his mind. ‘You could have saved him.’ He knew. He kept going through his memories, to find signs. What had he missed? He loved SUNNY, they were best friends! He should have known! KEL felt so stupid, and guilty. He hadn’t even noticed that he had started weeping.

“KEL?” HERO spoke from his bed. “What’s... what’s wrong?”

“HERO, I...” KEL sat up. His face was already tearing up. HERO looked at him. “SUNNY, I had no idea... I could have saved him. If I had been there for him...”

“Don’t say that, KEL.” HERO walked up and sat by KEL’s side. “You did nothing wrong. None of us could have known...”

“No, but I was... I was his best friend. That’s what friends do, listen to each other.” By this point, he was slurring through his words because he was crying. “But I never listened to him...”

“It’s alright, buddy. It’s okay.” HERO hugged KEL. KEL cried into his shoulders.

“What’s going to happen to SUNNY? He was bleeding so much...”

“He’ll be fine. The doctors... They’ll save him, don’t worry.”

HERO had also seen the wound. He was bleeding out badly... HERO wasn’t sure at all if he would make it. But he just didn’t want to see his brother cry like that. His baby brother, his always cheery brother. His little buddy. He couldn’t stand to see KEL cry. Not him. Seeing MARI cry almost made HERO tear up too, but he had stayed strong for both of them. As KEL’s weeping grew louder, though, HERO couldn’t help but quietly weep as well.

That night, HERO stayed in KEL’s bed until he went to sleep. It was like they had gone back to being little kids. Back then, HERO would always put KEL to sleep, until his little buddy felt safe. KEL quickly went to sleep because crying had tired him out. HERO smiled as he watched KEL’s peaceful sleeping face. But he stood up when the snoring got pretty bad. Before he went to his bed, he opened the closet. There was one suit of tuxedo, neatly hanging near the front. He had gotten this a week ago, to wear at MARI’s recital. KEL, AUBREY, BASIL and SUNNY had picked it out for him, along with flowers to give her. A nice posy of lilies of the valley, per BASIL’s recommendation. All a secret to MARI, of course. Now, that recital will never happen. And would MARI even want to hear a proposal from him now? When her brother could be dead?

HERO felt sick. He couldn’t believe that he cared more about his proposal not being able to happen than SUNNY possibly being dead. His friend, and the brother of his love, her sunshine. He could be dead right now and this is what HERO cared about.

He closed the closet and went to bed.

“...Anyway, so then CAPTAIN SPACEBOY had to fight those bands of DINOSAUR PIRATES, right?”

KEL was sitting by SUNNY’s bed. He didn’t really know what to talk about with him, so he just started talking about old SPACEBOY comics they had read in the past. SUNNY’s memories weren’t working properly right now, so he simply nodded along to everything KEL said.

“Dude, are you even listening?” KEL said.

Sunny nodded.

“Okay, you aren’t then. It’s like your head’s in the clouds, SUNNY.”

Sunny nodded again, and said, yeah.

“...But I’m glad you’re not dead. Really.”

SUNNY chuckled. KEL always had a way with words, didn’t he?

“Man, you should’ve seen AUBREY this morning. We went to go get her and she was freeeaking out! And got mad at ME for some reason? She’s so...” KEL paused. He remembered what he thought about last night. “She’s so annoying, huh?”

KEL grinned at SUNNY. SUNNY’s sight was still blurry, but even he could tell that this wasn’t like KEL’s normal smiles. It seemed forced, which wasn’t like him.

SUNNY asked him what was wrong. He didn’t want KEL to be like this. This was the most un-Kel Kel has ever been in the time SUNNY’s known him.

“Uh, it’s just that... well...”

KEL couldn’t see SUNNY in the eyes. It reminded SUNNY of HERO just before.

“SUNNY... Why’d you do it, man? We...”

KEL couldn’t say much more than that. He went silent, not knowing what to say, and waited for SUNNY’s response.

Why did SUNNY do it? He tried to remember. He remembered being tired. All the practice, all the... All the criticisms, he couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t be perfect. He wanted to be heard, to be understood, but none of it went through. He wanted it to be over. He couldn’t remember any specifics, but he remembered those emotions.

“You could have told us.” KEL said.

SUNNY didn’t realize he had said all of that out loud. He stared at the ceiling again. KEL nodded. There was more awkward silence after that.

“So.” KEL broke the silence. He fumbled his thumbs. KEl opened his mouth, his voice filled with caution. “Do you still wanna kill yourself?”

SUNNY heard that and, without missing a beat, burst into laughter. KEL was confused. SUNNY simply found his directness endearing. ‘Does he still wanna kill himself’ - it was a question only a boy of KEL’s magnitude could ask. Could anyone else even dare utter such words to him? It was at this moment SUNNY was glad to have KEL as a friend. He couldn’t believe that he ever doubted whether KEL would care about him. Of course he would. KEL was KEL, and KEL was his friend.

“Wh... Hey, what’s so funny?! You’re a jerk, man.” KEL was embarrassed but also kind of glad that SUNNY was smiling, finally. Even if it was completely unintentional.

When SUNNY calmed down, he replied no, he doesn’t feel like dying anymore. He tells KEL that actually, he regretted it the moment he did it. It just seems stupid now.

“That’s good.” KEL smiled too. SUNNY was also glad to see KEL smile genuinely again. “We’re there for you, bud. From now on, no matter how stupid you think something is, you come talk to me, or AUBREY, or BASIL about it! If you don’t, I’ll... uh...” KEL paused for a second. “Ask AUBREY to be mad at you? Maybe that’s bad, never mind.”

SUNNY was pretty sure AUBREY would beat KEL up if he had asked her for that.

“Yeah, true that.”

KEL looked SUNNY in the eyes. Both of them were smiling.

“Oh, oops. I really need to go to the bathroom...” Kel stood up.

HERO came in through the door. He was surprised when KEL suddenly ran up to him and went past the door, but SUNNY informed him that KEL was merely going to the bathroom. HERO smiled and nodded. He went by SUNNY’s side and sat on the opposite side from where KEL had sat. He still didn’t look at SUNNY directly, but he had seen SUNNY’s face while walking over.

“You look better, SUNNY.” HERO said.

SUNNY told him that it was thanks to KEL. HERO laughed. That KEL does have a way of making others feel better, he thought. He remembered last night, when he was crying by HERO’s shoulders. It hurt to think. But it also relieved him that he got to talk it out with SUNNY. He didn’t want KEL to feel guilty. It wasn’t his fault. If anything, HERO should’ve been there for SUNNY. He should’ve been a better brother figure to him... HERO could not meet SUNNY in the eyes.

“SUNNY... Can I be honest with you?” HERO asked.

SUNNY nodded.

“I can’t say that I’m... not angry with you. Frankly, I can’t believe you did what you did.”

HERO knew he shouldn’t say this, but he had to be honest with SUNNY. If he wanted SUNNY to be honest to him... SUNNY had the right to hear this.

“I’m not going to say you were being selfish. I don’t believe in stuff like that. But I am mad. I’m mad that you didn’t trust us enough. I’m mad that...” HERO gulped. “I’m mad that you would make her sad.”

SUNNY nodded along to everything. HERO was right, he was scum. He shouldn’t have made everyone worry like that. But SUNNY felt an ominous feeling from the last thing HERO said. He couldn’t exactly figure out who he was referring to... His head hurt. He couldn’t remember.

“Are you okay, SUNNY?”

HERO looked at SUNNY. SUNNY was closing his eyes and holding his forehead. SUNNY nodded and lied down again, looking up at the white ceiling.

HERO looked at SUNNY face from the side. This boy was only 12. HERO couldn’t even comprehend what kind of stuff he went through to make such a drastic decision. When HERO was 12, his biggest worry was KEL. (Just his whole existence, in general.) He didn’t even know that 12 year olds could try and do something like that. SUNNY was a pale and lanky boy, he looked more like 10 than 12, but his face right now looked like he had grown half a decade older. HERO couldn’t possibly put himself in SUNNY’s shoes. That’s why it hurt even more.

“You know, SUNNY. I have a question. Can I ask?” HERO said.

Sunny said yes.

“Do you think I’m perfect? That I never do anything wrong?”

SUNNY thought about it. HERO was kind, smart, pretty athletic, charismatic, handsome, and even had passions. He almost seemed like everything SUNNY was not. He did look up to HERO, yes. He saw HERO as a male role model, since he never felt much affection towards his father.

“That’s funny, SUNNY.” HERO laughed softly. “Because I’ve never thought that way about myself. I remember so many times in my life that I’ve messed up. Some things, at the time, I thought I could never take back.”

HERO paused. He looked at the window, at the other side of the room.

“I’ve never thought about doing something like what you did, SUNNY. But I have thought about giving everything up. I just wanted to... reset everything, you know. Let go of everything, if it meant it would undo what I did. For the silliest things, too. There were times I was embarrassed, and times I was terrified.”

HERO sighed.

“But I pushed through, I guess. I don’t really know how I did it. But I know what had something to do with it.”

HERO looked at SUNNY. They finally meet their eyes. HERO smiled.

“It was you guys. I honestly have no idea what I would have done in those situations if KEL, or AUBREY, or... Or, well, if you weren’t there, to hear me out.”

HERO looked over to the side again.

“I’m not saying that you’re stupid for feeling what you felt. I’m not saying that you’re not special, that we all go through what you went through. What I went through is totally different, yeah, I know. But if I could tell you one thing, it's that even your strong, perfect HERO can be weak sometimes. And even I have to open up to you guys for my problems. So what’s to say you can’t, SUNNY? I’m just saying, if even I do something like that, then you can too. We’ll be there for you.”

They looked at each other again. HERO smiled, and SUNNY nodded. HERO leaned over to pat SUNNY’s head. His headache seemed to be going away now. The weight in HERO’s heart seemed to be lifting away as well.

KEL burst open the door smiling. He was grinning like crazy.

“Yo! Look at who I ran into in the hall!!!” He yelled.

He walked into the room. Behind him, someone else followed in. Long black hair, purple cardigan. SUNNY held his chest. She started walking towards SUNNY, her arm reaching out to him. SUNNY started hyperventilating. The world started to go blurry. He looked around - for anything, for anyone to help him. His body was rushing with adrenaline, like his life was in danger. He wanted to run away. He tried to stand up. His stomach began hurting again. He didn’t care. He grit his teeth and tried to bear through the pain. He had to get away. He had to get out of here. He couldn’t be in the same room with... with her.

Then he heard her voice. MARI’s voice.

“SUNNY...?”

Everything came back. His memories of last night.

“To anyone else, you’re nothing.”

“You selfish little brat.”

“All you do is eat away at my life.”

SUNNY saw her face. He fell from his bed. He passed out.

Before he met KEL and the others, SUNNY liked to play alone. He would go to the park with MARI, and MARI simply watched him walk around. Sometimes he would trip over, and MARI rushed to his side and helped him up. SUNNY swept off the dirt on his shirt. When MARI asked him if he was alright, he simply nodded. Then he would go back to walking around.

This one time, he was sitting by the sandbox. SUNNY liked to draw or build things. He would build houses or the things he saw around the park. MARI sat by the bench and smiled as she watched her brother. She didn’t really want to do anything with him; just watching him made her happy. She could forget about her piano lessons or schoolwork.

The wind became strong. It blew by MARI and her hair fluttered in the air. It blew by SUNNY’s sand castle, demolishing it. SUNNY sat there as his work came tumbling down. MARI, again, rushed to his side. SUNNY didn’t look at her; he only stared at what once used to be his piece.

MARI hugged SUNNY from behind. “There, there.” She whispered to him. “It’s alright, little brother. I’m always with you. I’ll stay by your side.”

SUNNY listened to MARI speak to him softly, as his fingers went over where his castle used to be. He picked up a bit of the sand, which spilled on the ground through the gaps of his fingers. He turned around and hugged MARI back. MARI continued to console him, and he started to weep quietly. He had never cried while outside before. Even when he fell down, or ran into a tree, or was looked at by other kids in a weird way, he didn’t cry. He was never really sure what sort of emotions he should be feeling in those moments. But as his sister embraced him tightly and told him words of comfort, he couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed.

They stayed there for each other for a little while longer. The wind did not settle down but they didn’t feel it anymore.

MARI was miserable.

Her parents had to practically drag her out of the hospital room when it became time for them to go home. She didn’t understand why she could not stay with SUNNY.

They told her he was going to live. If he hadn’t gotten treated immediately after the knife’s impact, he might not have made it. The doctor told MARI that she saved his life.

MARI didn’t listen to any of it. She knew it was her fault he did it in the first place.

She couldn’t stop looking over at SUNNY’s bed while trying to sleep. When she closed her eyes, she could see images of his terrified face in the dark. SUNNY holding up the knife against his stomach, tears coming out of his eyes, as if he felt absolutely appalled by the sight of her. Echoes of him crying roared in her ears.

She couldn’t go to sleep.

When MARI woke up in the morning, she reflexively looked for SUNNY on the other side of the room. Of course, he was not there. She had silently hoped that everything from last night was a dream. As she got up, she swiftly abandoned such hopes.

She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her hair was a mess. Her eyes were crimson red. Her body ached everywhere. She had put up quite a fight last night in the hospital. It reminded her even more that none of this was a dream.

She really didn’t want to go to school. But she knew she had to keep a perfect attendance record. She thought for a moment, but why? She also abandoned that line of thought swiftly. She had no time to think about such matters. She got dressed.

She wanted to see SUNNY.

MARI dozed off through most classes.

HERO came up to her after one class. It didn’t even register to MARI that he was talking to her until he touched her shoulders. She was surprised and was visibly shaken. HERO was shocked to find her like this.

MARI looked at HERO. The area under his eyes was dark. She realized that she was not the only one going through this. For the first time that day, she remembered KEL, AUBREY, and BASIL. What they could be going through right now. Her elder sister instincts awakened. It’s not time for you to be feeling hurt, a voice inside her head told her. You don’t deserve that. You need to be there for them. Their feelings are more important than yours.

She smiled at HERO, and apologized. He wasn’t really sure what she was apologizing for, but he smiled back.

“Hey,” HERO said. “So KEL wanted to go see SUNNY after school. Were you going there too?”

MARI replied yes, of course. Of course she was going to go see SUNNY. What else would she do? That’s all she had been thinking about. HERO looked relieved to hear that and told her they can meet up after school.

Unfortunately, MARI could not go to see SUNNY right after school. As a class representative, she had responsibilities she needed to take care of before going. She should’ve remembered that, but she didn’t. Her mind didn’t have room for much of anything after last night.

The thing that frustrated her more than anything was that upon being called by her teacher and being reminded of this, she didn’t even put up a fight at all. She didn’t ask to be let off early because her brother was in the hospital with a giant wound in his stomach. She just accepted this is what she was supposed to do. This is who she was. Of course she shouldn’t be selfish and abandon her duties just because SUNNY was in the hospital. Who did she think she was?

HERO looked at her from afar. He seemed to have realized what was happening as well. MARI waved to him and signalled that she would come there soon. She smiled. It was hard to maintain a smile.

She wanted to see SUNNY.

MARI rushed to the hospital after she was done with everything at school. She couldn’t think about anything else. How late was it, even? She didn’t really care.

On the way to SUNNY’s room, she saw KEL, who was ecstatic upon seeing her. He thought she couldn’t make it. KEL remembered SUNNY would act weird whenever they talked about MARI, but he didn’t bring that up. Nevertheless, he led MARI to SUNNY’s room.

He opened the door and barged in, and MARI followed him. She hid behind KEL at first, and couldn’t raise her face, but KEL noticed this and stepped out of her way. There was an ominous silence when KEL stopped talking. MARI began to raise her face. The moment felt like it was forever to her. She saw SUNNY’s face. He was squinting his eyes. MARI walked closer to him, realizing he couldn’t recognize her. But once he did start to recognize her, his face turned dark. His eyes were wide open, and he started shaking. MARI reached out her hands as she walked even closer. She could tell his breathing was getting worse, and wanted to comfort him. SUNNY was trying to get out of his bed. HERO saw this and tried to walk to his side as well, sensing something was off. Eventually, MARI called out SUNNY’s name. When SUNNY heard her, he jumped and fell from the bed. MARI yelled out SUNNY’s name again but he had already passed out. She grabbed him and shook him. HERO tried to calm her, thinking that was probably not a good thing to do, but she couldn’t think straight and continued to cry and call out SUNNY’s name. KEL managed to bring a doctor, and MARI had to let go of SUNNY. They helped SUNNY get on the bed again. HERO explained the situation to the doctor, who told them he may have been having a panic attack. HERO consoled the weeping MARI, who was heartbroken as she heard that. KEL and HERO left after that, but MARI stayed and watched SUNNY sleep until the sun had set.

Today was the day SUNNY was coming back home.

MARI helped her parents out with clearing the house of any sharp objects. MARI wondered if she should put away the forks too, and she did. Just to be safe. They could use spoons instead. Or could he try to hurt himself with that, too? Normally that would have been a funny image, but MARI couldn’t really laugh. Whenever she thought about something like that, it just reminded her of that face SUNNY made as he pointed the knife against his stomach.

MARI suggested that they put the boxes of sharp things in the piano room. MARI would keep the key to that room on her.

MARI cleaned their room to perfection. Everything was left exactly as it was before SUNNY was hospitalized. She looked at his bed. She re-made it one last time.

She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to say sorry to him. She wanted to tell him that everything was going to be alright. She wanted to tell him she would always stay by his side.

She wanted to see SUNNY.

MARI was in the kitchen when SUNNY came back home. Their father had gone to pick him up; they were running a bit late. She heard their mother greet him. She was hesitant to go out and meet him. But she mustered up courage and went into the living room, where he was sitting on the couch, talking to their mother. He didn’t notice her at first. Their mother did, though.

“MARI, SUNNY is here,” she said.

MARI walked closer to SUNNY. She wanted to hug him tightly and start telling him all the things she wanted to tell him. But before she could even say hello to him, SUNNY’s face went dark again. It was just like that day in the hospital. His breathing sounded out of control and his body was shaking. Their mother asked him what was wrong. MARI was on the verge of tears but could not raise her voice, because she remembered what happened last time. SUNNY fell on the floor, and began screaming. He was yelling at the top of his lungs. He closed his eyes in the fetal position and blocked his ears. He was also crying. MARI ran to his side to hug him, but he pushed her away. MARI ran back to the kitchen. She began to cry herself as she heard her brother’s howling cries. Their mother hugged him instead of her, and he continued to cry until he passed out. MARI came back to the living room after she stopped hearing him.

MARI carried him to his room, and laid him down on his bed. MARI caressed his cheeks with her hand. He was sweating, but his face looked so peaceful. She held his sleeping body tight as she wept softly.

MARI and their parents had a discussion after that. All of them decided that it would be better for SUNNY if MARI moved out of their room for now. MARI was the one to suggest that she would sleep in the piano room instead. Her father said he would do that, and that MARI should sleep with her mother, but MARI refused.

MARI didn’t take anything from their room with her. She wanted to leave their room exactly as is until SUNNY got better. Perhaps it was her selfish desire to leave something that would remind him of her.

She only brought a sleeping bag with her. She stepped into the piano room. A room filled with containers of sharp, deadly objects. And at the center is OMORI. Her grand piano, and her only companion. She opened the cover. She hadn’t played it ever since that day; their last practice for the recital. SUNNY became like that because of all the practicing, MARI thought. If he never took up the violin, or if she had never played piano, none of this would have happened. If they never planned that recital, it wouldn’t have happened. MARI would still have her brother.

“It’s your fault!” She slammed her fist into the piano. It produced a discordant chord. She could feel her eyes tear up again. She breathed in and out harshly. She glared fiercely at the grand piano, at its name inscribed in its center. Her anger began to subside. She knew it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but hers. It was her ego, her perfectionism, and her selfish desire to gain approval from others that put her brother in that state. She had no one to fault but herself.

‘She would still have her brother’... MARI chuckled at that notion. Even now, all she could think about was what she deserved, what she should’ve had. But why would she deserve him at all, now? She was so fucking full of it. She closed the lid of the piano.

When she turned back, she noticed that MEWO had followed her into their room. Or perhaps SUNNY had let her out, so she could be with her owner. She kinda hoped for that, as it would be one proof that her brother still loved her. But she knew there was no way. Not like she’d deserve that anyway. And she didn’t deserve MEWO. Maybe she was better off with SUNNY; if she stayed with MARI, who knows how badly she’d hurt her. But as MEWO settled herself in the spare blankets MARI had put down on the floor, thoughts of kicking her out completely went away. MARI smiled and patted MEWO’s head as she went to sleep.

MARI turned off the lights and laid down in the sleeping bag she had set up. It was cold. She said good night, which no one else heard but her.

He didn’t remember much of his years before coming to FARAWAY TOWN. He must’ve been 4 or 5 when they came. He remembered living in a big city with bright lights and booming towers. He didn’t remember what their house looked like and he didn’t remember anybody from there.

But he remembered his grandfather.

Grandpa - or oji-san as he was occasionally referred to - was a cranky Japanese man with little proficiency in English. MARI knew some Japanese but SUNNY had no clue what a word he said meant. He was kind of like a character from a cartoon and that might be why SUNNY remembered him clearly.

Oji-san lived as a young adult in a war-torn Japan after World War II. According to MARI, he despised war, and once called it a ‘fool’s game’. He had to learn to survive with what he was given. He had to stay alive in a world that wanted him dead. When his son (who would be SUNNY’s father) migrated to America, he insisted that he would stay where his ancestors had spilled their blood. But he gave in, when he saw that his daughter-in-law was pregnant. He was a man who put family above all else. He had to be there for the children.

He was always grumpy around them, though, and didn’t take anything from anybody. But when he was alone with SUNNY, he softened up. Actually, he never got mad or yelled at SUNNY ever, even though he did give MARI a lot of scolding for her troubles.

He liked being with oji-san. It was quiet and serene around him. He had this elderly sage vibe to him - when he wasn’t yelling at SUNNY’s parents or MARI, of course.

One day, oji-san collapsed. His body was giving in. It was near his time. He didn’t take pity from those around him. He felt he had lived a full life. He took no pleasure in this, however. When friends he used to know died much younger than he did, there was no point in claiming victory. He was just one lucky fool who had too much tenacity left in him.

SUNNY remembered when he visited oji-san for the last time on his deathbed. He made a genuine smile for him and MARI when they entered. He couldn’t speak much. But he gestured to SUNNY to lean closer. He did, and oji-san whispered something in his ear. SUNNY didn’t understand what he said. But he did make out the syllables: “Ikiro.” MARI told him that meant, “live.”

They had a small funeral. A quiet Japanese-style funeral with only immediate family members. He was to be cremated according to his will - but in the funeral, SUNNY got one last glimpse of him. He just looked like how he used to look when he slept every other day.

On the ride back home, SUNNY felt his chest clench. He was having trouble breathing. Actually, he couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating. His body was shaking. He was so dizzy. He felt like he was going to throw up. He crouched in his seat and MARI noticed him. She asked him what was wrong.

Stop the car. He mumbled.

“What?” MARI asked worriedly. Their parents noticed the commotion coming from the backseat.

He can’t breathe. Just stop the car! STOP IT!

SUNNY started shouting. He looked up and MARI saw he was crying. She hugged him and told her parents to stop the car. They did, and both of them finally looked at SUNNY. He sobbed into MARI’s chest, until he could breathe again. His heartbeat synced with hers.

That’s when he had his first panic attack. That’s when he learned of mortality. He learned what it was like to fear death.

SUNNY woke up to that white ceiling again. However, this time, it wasn’t so unfamiliar. He was actually sort of hoping everything that had happened was a dream, that he would once again wake up in his bedroom, with his sister by his side. But all he saw again was this white ceiling. So SUNNY had to face the truth, and face his memories.

MARI made him want to kill himself. He almost did, too.

And of course, even thinking of her name now shook SUNNY to his bones. It made him feel nauseous, and his breathing grew unsteady. The mere thought of her now sent his body into fight-or-flight mode. He wondered if that was a normal thing. Then again, attempting to commit suicide is not exactly a normal activity to begin with. The brain can come up with a lot of ways to never let something like that happen again. At least, that’s how SUNNY, as a 12 year old, tried to explain this phenomenon.

SUNNY wanted to remember his happiest memories with MARI. That time when she comforted him in the park after his sand castle broke down. That time when she looked so proud when he produced a note on his violin for the first time. That time when they decided they would play a recital together, just the two of them. But in all of these memories, it was as if her face was corrupted by black marker lines. His brain actively suppressed images of her, in order to protect itself from passing out again. And in their place, only the worst memories echoed in his mind. Her irritated tone when she would criticize his playing. The hours of ruthless practice, day after day. And the words she spoke to him that night.

He was aware of this. He knew this was simply a psychological reaction. He knew that his sister was a wonderful person. MARI was nice, and wise, and kind. He could never be as good as her. He loved her, truly. And that’s why it hurt even more. He loved her, and he was afraid of her.

KEL, AUBREY and HERO continued to visit him in the days that followed. SUNNY appreciated their presence. But he could always tell they were making an active effort to avoid bringing up MARI. KEL would almost slip out her name at times, before catching himself. AUBREY had been briefed on the matter, and followed along as well. But HERO seemed to struggle with this especially. SUNNY could tell all of this, and would frown whenever he caught them doing it. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell them to stop doing it, because that would require him to speak of MARI himself, which he knew he couldn’t handle yet.

SUNNY’s parents talked with him, and they decided he should receive therapy. SUNNY was slightly perturbed by the idea, but he complied anyway. He knew he was wrong, sick in the head. He would do anything it takes to have his life with his sister back.

His wound was getting better. In fact, he already felt pretty much fine after a few days had passed. But his parents recommended that he stay the full week. He didn’t question them, as he dreaded going home. Dreaded having to confront her.

But eventually, the day came.

His father had come to pick him up at the hospital with their car. During the ride home, SUNNY begged his father to let him drop by one place before going home. This was not in their plans, but his father was considerate enough to make a slight detour to BASIL’s house before arriving at their home.

SUNNY’s father told him he’d only have a few dozen minutes. SUNNY didn’t mind. He just wanted to see BASIL. During his entire stay at the hospital, something has been clawing away in his mind. Something told him he needed to see BASIL right away.

When SUNNY knocked, BASIL’s grandmother answered the door. She was very pleased to see his recovery, having heard of his hospitalization. Before SUNNY could speak up, she told him she knew that he was here for BASIL. She wasn’t senile yet, she chuckled. She told SUNNY to wait in the living room while she went to get BASIL.

It didn’t take long for BASIL to burst out of his room. His face was filled with joy but also disbelief; as if he couldn’t believe SUNNY was really here. He ran up to SUNNY, which made SUNNY think he was gonna hug him, but BASIL stopped himself before they got too close.

“SUNNY...” BASIL spoke up. He couldn’t find the right words.

SUNNY simply answered with a ‘hey’. He sat down on the couch, and patted the space next to him, inviting BASIL to join. BASIL went up and sat next to him. SUNNY knew his father was waiting, but he didn’t really care. He only wanted to spend a bit of time with BASIL. They didn’t need to have a conversation if BASIL didn’t want to.

Nevertheless, BASIL continued to make attempts at speaking. “I... I’m...” He breathed in and continued. “I’m sorry for not visiting you.”

SUNNY shrugged. He had plenty of company anyway. In fact, it made him worry for BASIL more than anything else, when it probably should’ve been the other way around. SUNNY told BASIL that he’s glad to see him now, at least.

“Yeah.” BASIL said. “I was just... When I heard what happened, I couldn’t believe it. I was so scared, I thought you could die. So I just... shut it out. Even when AUBREY and the others came, I didn’t come out of my room.”

But a mere mention of SUNNY coming over made him burst out of his room like that? SUNNY thought that was kinda funny but he didn’t point it out.

“That was really stupid and bad of me, huh. I’ll have to tell them I’m sorry.”

SUNNY nodded. He stood up. It was probably about time. Before SUNNY could wave goodbye, BASIL also stood up and grabbed SUNNY’s hand.

“Wait,” BASIL said. “I want to ask you just one thing...”

SUNNY tilted his head.

“Why’d you do it, SUNNY? Why...”

Oh. So that’s what it was about. He forgot that he only really told KEL about that. Only his closest friends and his parents knew that it was really a suicide attempt. Most people thought it was some sort of accident, or didn’t care. KEL or someone else must’ve told BASIL when they came to visit him (or rather, failed to visit him).

SUNNY wanted to make things short. He had gone through his memories of that night countless times by now, anyway. With only his mind to occupy him in that white hospital room, he didn’t have much of a choice. He told BASIL that practicing for the recital had tired him out, and that MARI’s pursuit of perfectionism took a toll on him. (But he only referred to MARi as ‘her’.) When her words went too far that night, he finally snapped and smashed the violin. While describing this, he actually told BASIL the exact words MARI used, something he didn’t intend to do. He didn’t even tell KEL that. It made his stomach hurt. But he persevered. He continued. He told BASIL that, in the heat of the moment, he ran away. He found himself in the kitchen looking for a knife. BASIL stopped him there.

“Wait... M... MARI said that? To you?” BASIL looked like he was in disbelief again. But this time, his face was utterly dark; perhaps it was one of disgust.

Upon hearing her name, he began to panic again. He clutched his chest, and tried to steady his breathing. BASIL asked him what was wrong. Seeing BASIL made calming down easier. SUNNY held up his hand and told him it was fine. He decided he was done with the story, though BASIL was still confused. He rushed to the door and exited the house while waving to BASIL. BASIL waved back, his look of utter shock and contempt still withstanding. SUNNY got in his father’s car and didn’t say anything. They began driving to their house.

Before he opened the door to their house, SUNNY paused. That dread he’d feel in the hospital whenever he thought about going home had returned. He was starting to sweat. He gulped. He put his hand to his chest and tried to breathe in again. His father went past him and opened the door for him. After SUNNY breathed out, he stepped into the house. Upon entering his home again, he took in the imagery of their house for the first time in days. It had been a whole week since he had been gone, but it had stayed the exact same. He was sure they made sure to do that so that he’d feel homely again. But he wasn’t sure if it was achieving that effect just yet. At least, the dread he was feeling had begun to dissipate.

SUNNY’s mother was absolutely ecstatic to see her boy in her house again, even though she had seen him yesterday in the hospital anyway. She looked like she was about to cry. She hugged him and kissed him, and told him many words of love and comfort that he had been expecting to hear. But he still thought it was nice, and hugged her back. During that moment, he didn’t even have to think about her. About MARI.

He saw MARI walk out of the kitchen, and his eyes immediately went wide upon seeing her. SUNNY’s mother let him go upon hearing footsteps. She began saying something to MARI, gesturing at SUNNY, but SUNNY could not hear it. In fact, he couldn’t hear anything. Instead, a screeching tone began to play inside SUNNY’s head, like a bomb had gone off.

His vision of everything started to blur, except for MARI. All he could see was that clear view of MARI. She began to overlap with images of that night in his eyes. The moonlight illuminating her legs. Her face was covered by darkness; yet he could still see her eyes, which were absolutely furious with him. He saw MARI’s lips flap, but could not hear her. Over the piercing tone in his head, echoes of what she told him that night began to replay over and over again, those words overlapping with one another as well. Her absolutely seething tone grew harsher, and his mind dramatized and heightened how angry she sounded with each repeat of her voice. Eventually, they began to only chant one thing and one thing only, synchronizing with each other in the process.

You’re nothing.

You’re nothing.

You’re nothing.

He felt tears forming in his eyes. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks. He was hyperventilating but he felt like he was suffocating. His heart was beating at an astronomical pace. He fell down on the floor and put his hands over his head. He began screaming as loud as he can between his breaths. He screamed and cried to drown the voices out. He closed his eyes and focused only on making as loud a noise he could with his voice, his lungs be damned. Something was trying to grab him, and he pushed it away as hard as he could and made his voice louder. The echoes began to subside, and through his screams he could hear his mother’s voice. He stopped screaming and only began to hyperventilate even worse. He opened his eyes and looked around the room for her, for MARI, for the thing his mind was absolutely terrified of, like a prey scanning their surroundings for a predator. He could feel his heart pump loudly in his chest. Only when he couldn’t find a trace of MARI at all in the room did he begin to steady his breathing and calm down. But the tears wouldn’t stop coming out. He buried his face in his mother’s shoulders and continued to cry. She hugged him and patted his back, as the sound of SUNNY weeping reverated through their house.

He woke up to a familiar ceiling; the ceiling to his bedroom. He must’ve passed out at some point during that.

He looked around the room. Everything was left as they were before that night. Nothing had changed. Well, except for the fact that the room was clean, far too clean. It was practically sparkling. That actually made the room look jarring, even though the placement of every object had remained the same.

He looked over to the other side of the bedroom; MARI’s side. A sharp pain pierced his stomach. Seeing MARI’s stuff didn’t really bother him, so this wasn’t that. (Though, thinking of whether she’ll come back to sleep here did make him feel dread.) The doctor said something like this will happen periodically, and it’ll keep happening for quite awhile, and that he should take painkillers when they do happen. Unfortunately, whoever brought him up here didn’t seem to have brought his bag with him, where the meds were.

He just shrugged it off and lied down again. He can grit through it. He did in the hospital - many times. Perhaps this was just one way of the world punishing him for his mistake that night. His way to atone for MARI. He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

SUNNY continued to go to school, despite his parents telling him he could have a few days off. But being in his - their - bedroom still made him feel nauseous.

KEL and AUBREY were ecstatic to see not only SUNNY, but also BASIL come to school. He hadn’t been coming to school ever since SUNNY was hospitalized, apparently. But BASIL seemed the most relieved to see SUNNY had come.

SUNNY wasn’t ever exactly a talkative person, but there was something about him that made him seem even more unapproachable than before. It didn’t help that most people knew he had been stabbed for some reason; rumors spread like that in FARAWAY. Though, no one knew it was a suicide attempt.

That only seemed to make KEL and AUBREY more resolute in making sure SUNNY and BASIL were feeling fine. It was sort of funny, SUNNY thought, that this is what it took for those two to sort out their differences and align their hearts for one cause.

He was glad though. It was working; he did feel better because of them. During his school hours, he could forget about MARI. He could forget about what had happened. It was just him and his friends again.

MARI left for school early in the morning. She had to schedule her day around SUNNY’s. She already knew the exact time in which he’d wake up and come back to home, so it wasn’t hard. It broke her heart nonetheless. Making breakfast for him in the morning, holding his hand to the bus stop, giving him a goodbye hug as he’d get embarrassed and try to pry himself off of her; she missed all of this. She missed SUNNY.

When MARI was done with all of her class representative duties, she was surprised to find HERO waiting for her outside the school.

“Hey.” HERO smiled upon seeing MARI.

“HERO...” MARI said. “You should’ve called.”

“I didn’t want to bother you.” HERO said. MARI frowned at that. “I wanted to talk to you, in person.”

HERO began walking towards town, and MARI followed him. They walked the streets together, awkwardly glancing at each other occasionally.

“Is SUNNY doing okay?” HERO asked.

“...I don’t know.” MARI looked down as she answered.

“Does he still...” HERO struggled to find the words. “Can you not meet him, still?”

“Yeah. I haven’t been able to say anything to him. Not ever since.”

MARI began to tear up. HERO stopped in his tracks and hugged MARI. She sniffled into HERO’s shoulders, and HERO patted her back.

“Hey. You know, we haven’t had a picnic in a while, right?” HERO let her go and tried to put on a bright face for her.

“Yeah...” MARI wiped her tears with her sleeves.

“How about we all get together today? I’m sure the others will be up for it.”

“...HERO, I’m not sure about that.” MARI looked away. “He’s... he’s still not ready.”

“But are you just gonna let this go on? You’re his sister, MARI. He loves you.”

“He’s terrified of me.”

HERO held MARI’s hands. He looked MARI in the eyes.

“I just...” He sighed. “I don’t want to see you like this. I can’t just let this happen to you.”

MARI looked into HERO’s eyes. They looked afraid; afraid that she’ll slip away from him, afraid of her becoming further broken. She didn’t want HERO to look at her like that, either. She let go of his hands and turned around.

“Okay. Let’s have a picnic.” MARI said. “But I can’t let SUNNY see me. We can’t.”

MARI began walking again. HERO followed her. On his way, he pulled out his flip phone to call KEL.

It didn’t take long for everyone to assemble in their old hideout spot. SUNNY, KEL, AUBREY and BASIL all happened to be hanging around in the park already when HERO called, and they simply waited by the lake for the two to arrive.

MARI and HERO went straight for their destination without preparing anything. HERO suggested maybe they could stop by their house and make something for them before heading there, but MARI refused. She just wanted to get this over with. If it gave HERO some closure, she would be fine with that. She knew SUNNY wouldn’t forgive her. Not now, perhaps not ever. She already knew that, so she didn’t want to delay this.

HERO took the lead. They went through the trees, the gate to their hideout. KEL and AUBREY were standing by their usual picnic spot, arguing with one another about some stupid thing even they weren’t sure about. BASIL and SUNNY were sitting under a tree, guarded by shadows, watching the scenery.

KEL noticed HERO coming out first, and went to greet them. AUBREY followed. BASIL saw them too, and stood up, which SUNNY did as well. HERO came out of the trees, and MARI was directly behind him. She used him as a shield and stayed behind his back as she came out. As KEL said hi to HERO, he got closer and eventually noticed MARI as well. After not having seen her for a long time, KEL and AUBREY were ecstatic to finally see her again, and they yelled out her name as they ran up to her. MARI waved her hand from behind HERO, still refusing to show herself completely.

BASIL and SUNNY, on the other hand, were frozen solid when they heard her name being called out. BASIL saw SUNNY, whose face had gone pale. He held SUNNY’s hand. HERO and MARI approached the two, as KEL and AUBREY watched. HERO’s steps were slow and steady, as if he was walking up to someone with a bomb in their hands. MARI was completely stuck to HERO’s back, following along to his footsteps.

“SUNNY...” HERO nervously said. “Hey hey, sport, calm down. Just... close your eyes, okay? Then breathe in and out.”

In his best attempts to defuse this situation, that is how he advised SUNNY on what to do. SUNNY did as he said and closed his eyes, then began breathing. He put his other hand up to his chest and tried to listen for his heartbeats, trying to steady them. As HERO and MARI got closer, BASIL stepped in front of SUNNY and blocked SUNNY with his arm, as if to protect SUNNY. HERO stopped his steps and MARI did so as well.

“Um...” HERO was puzzled; BASIL looked extremely apprehensive. “Okay, BASIL. Could you... uh, take SUNNY to the other side of the lake there? Somewhere...”

He couldn’t just say ‘somewhere he won’t see MARI’; the whole point was to have them meet today. But HERO was only just now realizing how bad of an idea this was.

“Just help him there, alright?” He said.

BASIL grabbed SUNNY’s hand again and started doing as HERO said, bringing him to the other side of the lake. HERO took a sigh of relief, and looked behind him. MARI was still trying to hide behind him. He told MARI that it’s alright now. KEL and AUBREY walked up to them, very confused as to what they had just witnessed. They were also confused on why MARI looked like she was going to cry. HERO decided to bring them all over to their picnic spot and sit down, for now.

When they all sat down, there was only awkward silence. Disappointed at the lack of food, KEL laid down and rolled over. He decided to take a nap and immediately began snoring. AUBREY frowned and uttered ‘hmph’, but she also laid down and closed her eyes, thinking a nap sounded nice anyway. HERO looked over to BASIL and SUNNY; they had also sat down, and they were simply watching the lake.

This was really not what he had in mind. He looked at MARI. She was giving him a ‘I told you so’ look, but not really in a sly, smug way like she used to do; more in a disappointed and annoyed way.

HERO heard footsteps. BASIL and SUNNY were passing by them, walking over to where the exit was.

“Where do you think you’re going, you two?” HERO stood up.

“We’re going home.” BASIL answered.

HERO was kinda baffled. Was this SUNNY’s wish, or BASIL’s? It didn’t really matter; he wasn’t going to let this be in vain.

“Wait a minute.” HERO blocked their path. “We haven’t even really talked, right?”

“Yeah, HERO. Because she’s here.” BASIL glared at MARI.

“We can... we can figure something out.” HERO sounded like even he didn’t believe what he was saying.

“Look at him, HERO.” BASIL gestured at SUNNY. He was fidgeting and refused to look at anyone. He looked really uncomfortable. “He doesn’t want to be here.”

“Have you asked him that?” HERO stared at SUNNY; he directed his words at BASIL, but he was clearly asking SUNNY.

“He told me. He told me about what happened that night.”

“Wh... what?”

“He told me MARI berated him for every mistake he made when they practiced. He told me she degraded him after their final practice, the night before the recital. That’s why he threw the violin down the stairs.”

The violin? What? HERO hadn’t even heard about that. Was this... was this true?

“Why would SUNNY want to be with the person that made him want to stab himself? Don’t be ridiculous, HERO.” BASIL’s voice contained contempt. “Now get out of our way.”

HERO wouldn’t budge.

“Now, that was uncalled for, BASIL. You’re going too far.” HERO still tried to put on his most diplomatic voice.

“Too far? Like when MARI called SUNNY that he meant ‘nothing’ to us? When she said he wasn’t good at anything? I think that’s going too far.”

“BASIL, if you don’t stop, I’ll get mad...” What was he even saying? As if he could get mad at BASIL. He couldn’t even believe his own words.

“Oh, you’ll get mad at me? For who, for your girlfriend? Not get mad at HER for SUNNY though?”

“BASIL!”

HERO had started walking up to BASIL - he wasn’t even sure what he was going to do once he did - but he felt a tug on his arm. MARI was pulling him, which made him stop. He wasn’t sure when she got up, but he wasn’t sure about anything anymore.

“Uh...” KEL had woken up from the yelling. “What the freak’s going on?”

AUBREY had become teary eyed from seeing her friends argue. (Not the stupid kind of arguing she and KEL did, but actual arguing.)

“MARI...” She sniffed. “Was that true? Did you... did you say all that to SUNNY?”

MARI looked at AUBREY, and, upon seeing her teary eyes, looked down at the ground, shame in her face. AUBREY wanted to hear an answer from MARI herself, but even she could tell MARI’s face may as well have been an admission of guilt.

Using this opportunity, BASIL grabbed SUNNY’s hand and started walking to the exit again. HERO reached his hand out to them and yelled.

“Wait, SUNNY, BASIL!”

The two stopped again.

“We still haven’t heard from SUNNY.”

“I just told you.” BASIL scoffed.

“SUNNY, tell us what you’re feeling. Could you do that for us?” HERO asked.

BASIL looked at SUNNY. SUNNY took a deep breath, and closed his eyes in order to find the words. He got out an ‘I’ before stopping himself and breathing in again. This was difficult, but he did want to speak. He wouldn’t run away. BASIL understood this, and waited for him.

SUNNY turned around. His eyesight could only focus on MARI next to HERO. He didn’t expect that. The world began to go dark again. And there was that screeching noise again. His line of thought had gone completely array. He was tearing up. He closed his eyes, but that noise in his head wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t control his breathing.

SUNNY ran away. Both BASIL and HERO called out his name. BASIL gave one last, fierce glare towards HERO’s direction, and ran after SUNNY. Both of them went into the trees, and disappeared. HERO fell to his knees. He was entirely in disbelief with reality. His mouth was open in shock. MARI stared down at him, her face showing more pity than annoyance now. Behind them, KEL and AUBREY were sitting by their picnic spot; AUBREY was crying, and KEL put his hand on her shoulder, not knowing how to comfort her.

MARI thought this was the worst picnic she’d ever been in.

HERO was walking MARI home. The way to their house was awfully silent. Once they reached HERO’s house, MARI let go of his hand. She looked behind her and waved goodbye.

“MARI!”

HERO spoke up. MARI looked surprised.

“You really have to talk to SUNNY. You have to. We can fix this. I believe in him, and you.”

MARI chuckled. She absolutely could not believe this boy. All of that just happened, and he still had the capacity to spew out idealistic words like that? It used to be that she was the one who would make those kinds of cringe worthy lines; it was her who rubbed off on him, as he acted all embarrassed at her ability to say the most pollyannic things with complete confidence.

And now, here he was, doing the exact same to her in return. She absolutely could not believe in herself for falling in love with him.

“But... you saw what happened today.”

“Then, uh...”

HERO tried his hardest to think. Then an idea hit him like a lightbulb turning on.

“Oh, what about if you guys... write to each other?”

“Write?”

“Yeah. Like letters? Or mail? Whatever works for you two. I think that could work! He wouldn’t react as bad as he did.” HERO was really excited at his own idea, thinking he just cracked the case on this puzzle.

“Mmm...”

MARI wasn’t as convinced. But no one else had wanted to amend her relationship more so than SUNNY.

“Okay. I’ll try, HERO. Thank you.”

“Right. Promise me you’ll talk - err, write to him! See you later, MARI.”

HERO waved to MARI as he ran off to his home. MARI stood there until he went inside, still contemplating on this plan of theirs. It wasn’t the worst idea in the world. And she did tell herself that she’d do anything to get her brother back. (‘Get him back’... He hasn’t gone anywhere. Putting it that way still made MARI uncomfortable.)

MARI realized that secretly, she hoped that everything would go wrong. She hoped that SUNNY would snap at her during the picnic and reveal to everyone how terrible of a person she was; and while that didn’t exactly happen, BASIL did anyway. And she had also hoped that all attempts at communication with SUNNY would fail as well. That would be a way for MARI to atone for her sins, a way of punishing herself. But in the end, she realized that was only a selfish wish of hers. A self-righteous hope that pins all the blame on her which ultimately solved nothing.

When MARI came home, she found a spare, untouched notebook and ripped a few pages out of it. Then she found a pen. She wrote down in one of the pages, and went to SUNNY’s room. She knocked on the door first; maybe he wasn’t even in his room? He could be at BASIL’s house. Her suspicions were cleared away when she heard rumbling inside the room. She slipped the paper she had written on under the door.

SUNNY wasn’t sure if it was his parents or MARI that had knocked. His mind went to the worst possible option and imagined MARI bursting through the door. He was terrified. Then he saw a paper slipping through underneath the door. He looked at the paper, and read what was written on it.

“Hi, SUNNY. It’s me. Is this alright with you?”

SUNNY recognized MARI’s handwriting. An image of MARI’s face flashed by his head. He shook his head to forget about it. He stared at the words. His brain wasn’t acting up much. He figured out instantly what MARI was trying to do. He thought he could do this. He grabbed a pen and wrote down directly below MARI’s words: yeah. Then he passed it through the door.

After a minute or so, the paper came back. SUNNY read it again. There were more words below his words this time.

“I don’t really know what to write yet. So I’ll start off with this. Are you feeling better?”

SUNNY wrote, I am. He passed it through again. This time, it took a bit longer for it to come back. He read it again. There were certain words that were scribbled out, but he could make out the rest.

“That’s good. I still don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. I love you. That’s all for now.”

SUNNY stared at the paper. He read the words again and again. The slight discomfort he felt at the start had completely faded away. He could register these words as MARI’s words and not feel scared at all. He kept reading the note over and over again. Especially the scribbled sentence; which he could eventually make out as ‘I’m sorry.’ He couldn't take his eyes off this one phrase. He went and found a nail, and pinned this paper on the wall by his bed. As he stared at it from his bed, he realized that he was tearing up again. He quietly wept as he continued to read the words.

MARI had left him by that point already. She wasn’t showing it on the outside, but she was, in fact, feeling quite ecstatic. This was the first conversation she had with her brother in weeks. She couldn’t hear his voice, but that was fine. She had forgotten how blessed she had been to have her brother listen to all of her problems daily. How lucky she was to have a brother like that. When that was taken from her so abruptly, she couldn’t even properly process it. And now, she found a new way to talk to him. It wasn’t the same, but it was never going to be. It was only a single step forward, but a step nonetheless. MARI went to sleep feeling satisfied, and, for the first time in many days, actually hopeful for the future.

MARI woke up feeling great. She stretched her arms and yawned. She went out of the piano room, went up the stairs and washed her face in the bathroom. She figured she’d grab something to eat before getting dressed.

But when she stepped into the kitchen, that’s when she realized she had made a grave, grave mistake. SUNNY was in the kitchen, grabbing something from the fridge. She was so stupid, how could she not have realized? She slept in late yesterday, and right now was when SUNNY woke up. This was terrible. Her good mood had been ruined. SUNNY turned around, and MARI quickly stepped back and out of the kitchen. She could hear her heart beating. Is this it? Did she mess up? Were things irreversible now? She felt like she was going to cry.

MARI.

She heard SUNNY’s voice. SUNNY’s voice... She hadn’t heard it in so long. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Was this really happening?

MARI, SUNNY said again.

“S...”

It was so hard to let her voice out. Why was it so hard? It was just her younger brother. Her younger brother that she’d been taking care of since she was a toddler. Her little sunshine. Why was she so afraid to say anything? She didn’t want to break him again, that was the reason. But then she realized; SUNNY must be mustering all of the courage within him to say her name right now. The mere mention of her name would make him panic, just a few days ago. But now he was saying it to her, albeit not to her face. If SUNNY was showing such bravery, what kind of an older sister would MARI be if she didn’t reciprocate it?

“SUNNY...?”

MARI stumbled, hesitantly. There was a short pause before SUNNY spoke further. He stuttered out, good morning.

“Good morning... SUNNY.”

She coughed.

“Is this... Are you okay?”

SUNNY took another moment before answering her. He replied, yeah. This is fine. MARI just said, “oh”. She didn’t sound that joyous, but in reality, she was so proud of her brother. She wanted to run up to him and hug him that instant, but she knew she couldn’t.

“I’m glad, SUNNY.” MARI said. “I’ll wait in the piano room so... take your time.”

When SUNNY could no longer feel MARI’s presence, he put his hand over his chest. It was beating loudly, but at least he was breathing fine. He had done it. He spoke to his sister. He couldn’t believe it himself, but he finally got to say something to MARI. He was defeating this thing he’s been going through.

He appreciated BASIL. BASIL was the only one to truly understand SUNNY. So he even understood BASIL’s anger. Anger is what he felt that night, and it was true that’s why he broke the violin. But SUNNY could never bring himself to truly despise MARI, even after everything she said to him. He just wanted his life with MARI back, that’s all he was asking for. If this is what it took, then he could put up with it.

But even then, if he could see and talk to MARI normally again; then what? MARI was still the same person. She was still the perfectionist that she was. She was the same person who told SUNNY that he was nothing. Even when his condition was cured, would their relationship ever go back to normal? Could he ever be the perfect younger brother to her perfect older sister like she wanted?

He was getting better every day. But better was never enough. MARI wanted him to be perfect. And he could never be perfect.

MARI was standing atop a valley. She looked down at herself. She was wearing a white one-piece dress, and she noticed she had a straw hat on. She looked up at the sky. It was blue, with minimal clouds. The wind blew harshly. She grabbed onto her hat, and squinted as the wind attacked her. When she looked behind her, she noticed that just a few steps backwards and she’d fall off the valley.

She heard footsteps. She looked in front of her again. A boy was approaching her. He had a face and wore clothing that was all too familiar to MARI. It was SUNNY, who had a neutral expression on his face. Delighted, she tried to sprint towards him to give him a big hug. But, for some reason, her feet would not let her go more than a few steps off the edge of the valley. She tried and she tried, but her body wouldn’t move. Eventually, her bad knee began to hurt, and she had to stop struggling.

When she looked in front of her again, SUNNY was almost right in front of her. His eyes were beginning to widen upon examining her closely, and she began to see him sweat. She wanted to get closer to him, but for some reason, once he was close enough, she began to back off. She didn’t mean to. If she could, she would embrace him this instant, but as SUNNY got closer and closer to her, MARI could only go further backwards.

Eventually, she realized that if she kept going back, she would fall off. She wanted to scream. She wanted to call out to SUNNY for help, but she realized her voice wasn’t able to come out. She wanted to plead SUNNY to stop, to please stop walking. Despite now looking absolutely horrified of what he was seeing before him, he did not stop walking. Almost as if he wanted to corner her - wanted to make her fall off.

She didn’t want to die. The horrors of this situation began to sink into her deeper. She began to despair as she could not stop her steps. She began to cry; her voice would not come out but her tears did. MARI was so afraid. She couldn’t tell if this was a dream. Even so, her overwhelming fear of death consumed her, and she could not think rationally. She finally reached the very edge of the cliff - one more step and she would fall to her death. Only then did SUNNY stop, right in front of her.

The wind flew by again. MARI’s straw hat flew away. She began to lose momentum. SUNNY pushed her.

The scenery changed to that of their house in an instant. She was laying down by the bottom of the stairway in their house. She couldn’t move her body. She could see the ceiling. Then she could see SUNNY, rushing over to her, crying and calling out her name. He shook her again and again but she couldn’t answer him; her voice wouldn’t come out again. She wanted to caress his cheeks and tell him everything was going to be fine. But she couldn’t. She wondered if this is what SUNNY was seeing when he was lying on the ground, bleeding to death from his own self-inflicted stab wound.

In those last moments, the only thing she could think was: Oh thank god. SUNNY’s fine. He’s okay. That’s all she needed to know.

MARI woke up. She yelled out SUNNY’s name. She was sweating. She was breathing in and out so fast that her lungs were going to explode.

MEWO snuck up to her and put her head against MARI’s thighs. MARI noticed her. She began petting MEWO. MEWO purred. MARI began to calm down. She smiled at MEWO.

MARI was convinced she was losing her goddamn mind.

Ever since the ‘picnic’, she had been going outside less and less. After a certain point, she started to neglect her curricular duties. She still saw HERO at school, but she hadn't seen KEL, AUBREY or BASIL since then. (And even HERO, she hasn’t talked to in some time.) And SUNNY... Things were improving, but they still felt distant.

At home, she spent all her time in the piano room. She didn’t want SUNNY to feel afraid of going outside of his room. She wanted him to get better, to go outside, to stay friends with the others. If MARI was bringing him down, she would gladly move out of the way. She wanted her friends to stay together; if she was the glitch in this equation, she would simply eliminate herself from it. She would become a martyr.

The piano room had become more cluttered with stuff. Over time, MARI began grabbing some of her stuff from her side of the room while SUNNY was out. It started with her radio. The silence in that room was suffocating. It was soundproofed, which was something she had insisted on when they repurposed that space for her. MARI always dug her own grave.

She built a makeshift table with the boxes lying around. Every time she lifted them up, she could hear the clattering of steel instruments inside. (Boxes filled with sharp, deadly objects, used to decorate her own personal hell. The metaphor could not be more on the nose.) She put the radio down. She wasn’t even sure if this thing worked; she didn’t listen to it much. She listened to all her music in her personal vinyl player, which she couldn’t really bring all the way down here. It didn’t matter, she just needed some noise. She fiddled with the knobs until the channel landed on some pop music station.

Oh, she recognized this song. This piano intro, and the drum groove... She had overheard from the living room sometimes, when the television was playing MTV. It was by a Vanessa something... Vanessa Carson? Vanessa Carlon? Vanessa Colbert?

Pop songs nowadays were these loud rock songs, like Linkin Park or Nickleback, which she hated. But MARI liked this song. Her ears especially gravitated towards the piano arrangement. It was simple and, frankly, boring, but she appreciated it. It made her nostalgic for some reason. It made her remember her past.

MARI only played classical music. She couldn’t remember the last time she played anything else. She didn’t really like classical; it was just the thing which would earn her the most recognition. She wasn’t going to get a scholarship playing pop music. But her favorite vinyls were always by pop musicians like Tori Amos, Ben Folds Five, Nick Cave... Oh, she loved the Nick Cave records; she would listen to them with SUNNY all the time. He loved it when she played the songs back to him on the piano. She would learn them by herself entirely by ear. That might’ve been the last time she ever played anything other than classical.

That was when she still loved music. When music meant something to her; something that soothed her heart and moved her body. Then music became work, it became a tool to gain credit. She dragged her brother into it, making him play that waltz over and over again. The waltz that she chose, because out of all those classical songs she couldn’t care less about, it was the one that spoke to her the most. What spoke to her, though, was killing him.

She had no idea how overplayed this freaking song would be.

After about a week, MARI’s sanity was dwindling at a more swift pace, no thanks to this goddamn Vanessa Carlton song. (Yes, she looked the name up.) Every time it played, it sent chills down her spine. Please, play another song, please! She pleaded. She plugged her ears and buried herself in her sleeping bag. She hated that annoying voice too. It was like the lyrics were written to taunt how pathetic she was being, ignoring everyone’s help and locking herself in this room like this. If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by?

This uninspired, trite piano arrangement was driving her absolutely insane. It was the same motif over and over again. it goes down from the 1st note of the scale, to the 7th, then the 5th. The chords in turn go up from a 4th chord, to the 5th, then down to the 3rd. It was those 3 same chords over, and over, and over again.

MARI had enough of this. She got up and turned the damn radio off. She didn’t know why she hadn’t done that before; maybe she secretly hoped the song wouldn’t play again and it’d finally get out of her head.

She turned her head and looked at the piano in the center of the room. The cover was collecting dust by this point; it was left untouched for weeks, possibly months. (It was hard to tell the passage of time. She already couldn’t tell which day of the week it was.) The dust allured her, like it was tempting her to peel it off, to play with her again. This thing that had demolished her brother, this thing that had torn apart the two of them; this monster that made her the monster that she was. It beckoned to her.

She sat down at the chair and opened it. The white and black keys were as pristine as ever. She looked in front of her. ‘OMORI’. OMORI, her best companion and worst enemy. It was whispering into her ear. It was the only thing she had in this dark, desolate room.

“Alright, OMORI.” She mumbled to herself. “I’ll play your goddamn game.”

She tried to remember that Vanessa Carlton song from memory. What was it again? Fourth chord, then the fifth chord. She used the root notes of these chords as the bassline. She substituted the third chord with the sixth chord. It sounded more or less the same. She started playing in Bb major, even though that song was in B major. It sounded better to her. The melody was next. She remembered it clear as day, and if she wanted to, she could’ve transcribed it exactly from ear, since she must have heard it 200 times in the past week. But instead her hand went to the third note of the scale, instead of the first note like in that song. Then she went down to the second, and then the first. The way that third note clashed with the fourth chord - technically creating a seventh chord - sounded blissful to her ears. MARI was now obsessed with this brand-new version of the song she hated.

She was getting flushed. She was breathing loudly in excitement. She had never known this kind of joy. The joy of creation; of creating her own music. The joy of taking what she despised and turning it into something good. It felt great. She had never felt more liberated before. It was a devious little feeling. She didn’t have to follow the sheet music, or play in tune with another player. It was just her and OMORI. She could go in any direction, and there would be a new discovery waiting for her.

In the heat of the moment, as she played this new piano motif over and over again, she began humming a tune. At first, she didn’t even notice she was doing it, and only realized when the humming had grown loud enough that she could hear it over the piano. That snapped her out of it. Her fingers stopped and the room went silent once again. She was still breathing heavily. She looked down at the keys again, where her hands were sitting. She knew what she had to do next.

She had to write this down.

She stood up and frantically went over the shelf that was in the corner of the room. This shelf had a few books with sheet music of classical music, sorted by era. But she could’ve sworn there was also something else... Aha, she let out. She found it. It was the papers of empty sheet music she had, just in case she ever heard something in a classical station that she wanted to write down. That never happened, because she was too busy practicing that one song for the recital. But now she knew what she could use them for.

She picked up a pen from the floor; the one she used to communicate with SUNNY. She sat down by the piano again, closed the lid, and then put the paper over that lid. She began writing down what she had just been playing. She began writing out this ever-changing symphony that was playing inside her head. She began writing her way out of that room.

SUNNY had been getting therapy. His therapist was a nice enough man, who specialized in children with suicidal thoughts or tendencies. That’s what they talked about most of the time; the suicide attempt. SUNNY wished he would stop asking about the suicide stuff, because he’s not going to do that again. But the doctor urged that even though he could be thinking that way now, he may have internalized those feelings so much that it seemed like nothing to him. The doctor said that’s why SUNNY had to open up to him, and tell him even stuff that seems trivial. SUNNY thought there was no point, though.

Occasionally, they got into the topic of MARI, and his trauma. SUNNY’s panic was very visible whenever these topics were broached, so the doctor tried his best not to provoke him too much on it. He found SUNNY a hard one to crack. He knew that at the center of it, there was a deep insecurity inside of him that was born from this MARI person in his life, his older sister. But the doctor couldn’t ask SUNNY about her, so he couldn’t tell what kind of person she was and what she was doing now. This was going to be hard, the doctor thought.

With therapy came medication as well. He was already taking painkillers for his stab wound. He now also had to take some general anti-depressants and a mood stabilizer, such as Lexapro.

When his medication essentially triple-folded, SUNNY found it horrifying. He felt nauseous whenever he took them. He wanted to vomit them all into the toilet.

It was fairly obvious that his parents were afraid he would attempt again. MARI was not there for him, so the two of them spent more time with him when not working. It was so uncomfortable for him to receive all of this attention all of a sudden. He loved his parents - but for his father especially, it was always clear that MARI was the favorite. Now he could never be alone even if he wanted to be. The only time he could be by himself was when he went to bed. That was when he thought about her. He could never forget about her during the night, when he was alone with his thoughts.

His school life remained mostly the same, but his friend group did not. They didn’t have picnics anymore. KEL and AUBREY still made an active effort to make sure SUNNY and BASIL weren’t feeling lonely. HERO used to come with them when they hung out but after some time, he stopped coming. He told KEL that he was too busy with school. But SUNNY actually knew that it was because he wanted to stay with MARI at school, even though he didn’t have any duties like she did.

SUNNY spent more time with BASIL than ever. They didn’t talk to each other. BASIL felt uncomfortable being with KEL and AUBREY ever since the ‘picnic’ incident. No matter how hard they tried at easing him up, he felt better when he was alone with SUNNY. SUNNY didn’t mind being with him. But he couldn’t feel BASIL felt a little more clingy than usual.

They were sitting at a bench at the park. BASIL looked through his photo album, and SUNNY did too. He saw the picture of MARI playing the piano. BASIL flipped the page away quickly. He looked at SUNNY. He was closing his eyes, his face growing pale. BASIL held his hand for him. SUNNY began to calm his breathing.

The page BASIL flipped to had a picture of KEL, AUBREY and SUNNY playing together. KEL was calling out to BASIL, who was taking the picture. BASIL smiled as he remembered that. SUNNY put his hand on the album, like he was reaching out to the children inside the picture.

SUNNY told BASIL that he really misses them.

“Me too. We can go meet them, if you’d like.”

Not just them, SUNNY replied. Her too. And HERO.

BASIL stared at SUNNY in disbelief. He grew irate.

“What do you mean, SUNNY?” BASIL said. “She’s the bad one, right? And HERO abandoned you for her. We don’t need them. We can...”

No. SUNNY interrupted BASIL. You shouldn’t say that, he continued.

SUNNY glared at BASIL. He looked neutral and empty like always, but to BASIL, he looked judgemental for the first time. It made BASIL retreat and hang his head down. He let go of SUNNY’s head and put it on his lap.

“...Okay, SUNNY. I’m sorry.” BASIL finally replied.

SUNNY said BASIL shouldn’t say that to him. He should tell it to HERO.

“How? I think that bridge is burned.” BASIL crossed his arms and looked away.

SUNNY muttered. He wants all of them to go back to being friends. SUNNY sounded dejected and hopeless. He looked down at the dirt below.

They both turned their heads around at the same time and met each other’s eyes again. SUNNY looked sad. BASIL looked away again. He couldn’t watch SUNNY like that.

He supposed the way he felt about SUNNY was the same way HERO felt about MARI. If SUNNY did something as unforgivable, would BASIL still be on his side? Deep inside, BASIL knew his answer. Of course he would be. He felt like he finally understood HERO.

“Me too.” He finally replied.

HERO waited for MARI outside the school gates. He waited earlier that day, because he was starting to believe MARI was going home earlier. Unbelievable, as he had never seen her ditch work... But there was no other explanation.

With not much thought in mind, he looked around, and happened to look behind him. And there she was, MARI, disappearing into the streets, already far away from school. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. She was going home already? But there was no time to be in disbelief. He began running after her.

He wanted to talk to her. It had been weeks since the day at the lake and at this point, he would’ve begged her to let him hear her voice. He called out her name. MARI didn’t even turn around. But he could tell she noticed because she was speeding up. Eventually, he arrived near their house, having passed his house, and barely saw their front door close before he stopped.

HERO stared at the door. He knocked but there wasn’t a response. The wind was getting colder. He clenched his fist. He lightly punched his own chest, as a way of letting out his frustration. He grit his teeth. Tears felt like they were going to come out, but they’d be frozen by the chill anyway.

HERO wasn’t going to give up. He will never give up on her. He was going to come back.

SUNNY was convinced he was losing his mind.

His medication had been disappearing. He knew the exact amount and the exact times at which he should take them. And they kept vanishing, like someone took them. Who would even do that? Did MEWO like anti-depressants? He approached her, once, but she only coughed up a hairball. Figures.

SUNNY would soon learn the truth behind this mystery. But perhaps it should have gone unsolved.

MARI kept having that dream again - or a nightmare. It went the same every time, and every time it felt just as real. It was actually terrifying how real it always felt. And each time, she had no idea that it was a dream until she woke up.

Every day, when she got back from school (she didn’t even bother talking to HERO anymore), she would sit at the piano and play the song she wrote. She had to get it perfect. Even though there was no longer sheet music to follow - no existing song to copy - she needed to get the arrangement right perfectly. The impromptu sheet music paper she had been writing in had so many different little notations, with many notes being scribbled out and re-re-written. It was chaotic, and was most likely only comprehensible to MARI herself. But she made fewer mistakes than she ever used to. She even began incorporating certain mistakes into the sheet music itself, which made it no longer a mistake. It was exciting - gratifying, even. It felt like shackles had been lifted off of her.

MARI was staring at the ‘finished’ sheet music. It had been done. Her first song was essentially complete. She knew how to play it from beginning to end too. The only problem was the melody. It had to be sung - it only made sense if it came out of her voice. She was using both of her hands on the piano for the whole song. But she had no idea what words to sing. Could she even find the words? She played the song over and over again, humming the melody as she went.

She thought back to the dream. The valley. The stairs. SUNNY’s terrified face. That was it. MARI stopped playing. She grabbed the pen again. She had never done this before; the only words she wrote were essays and book reports. But now, with the melody memorized in her head, along with the vivid imagery of that valley inside the dream, words had begun pouring out of her. She wrote.

There’s a valley...

It was one night when SUNNY woke up, sweating. He couldn’t exactly remember what dream it was. But blurry memories of that night before the recital were flashing by his head, as he gasped for air. He must’ve been dreaming about it again; dreaming about her.

He looked over to the other side of the room. There was an empty bed. The radio that was there next to the table lamp was gone. He wondered, when did that disappear? He shook his head and slapped himself. He had to go get something to drink.

He went downstairs and poured a cup of water in the kitchen. His heartbeat wouldn’t slow down. He needed some of those mood medicine - now. He had already taken them earlier in the day, and his doctor told him how important it was to follow the schedule; his body could become messed up otherwise. But his brain wasn’t working properly. He was beginning to panic. He walked upstairs to the bathroom.

The door was open. But the lights were off. That didn’t make sense - if someone was there, why would the lights be off? SUNNY thought he could take a peep inside it. It’d be so embarrassing if it were one of his parents doing their business, but somehow, he thought that was unlikely. He opened the door further and took a look inside.

He shouldn’t have looked.

MARI turned around - her face, horrified - to find a shocked SUNNY standing by the doorway. She was gulping down something with a cup of tap water. She dropped the cup, which was plastic, and it only made a huge thump sound. As if to harmonize with it, she also let out a loud yelp.

SUNNY couldn’t process what he was seeing properly; but, in the dark, he could make out what he thought to be MARI. She looked absolutely horrible; her hair was unkempt and her white dress was dirty, which likely hadn't been washed in weeks. Through her messy hair, and the slight illumination that was provided, he could see one of her eyes sticking out, staring at him in horror.

He shut the door, loudly. He crouched down and held his hands over his head. He couldn’t stop breathing wildly. His whole body was throwing itself into panic. What was MARI doing there? She was taking his drugs. She was the cause of their disappearance. Was she sick? She must be sick and she can’t even get help. That’s why she had to steal his. He broke her. It was his fault.

SUNNY began to weep.

“SUNNY?”

He heard MARI’s voice. Distortions of her voice began playing in his head again - you’re nothing, you’re nothing. No, no, no! He thought to himself. He couldn’t let the voices get to him again. They weren’t real. MARI didn’t mean those things, his head just made it all up. That’s what the meds were for. The meds that MARI had been taking - the meds he couldn’t take right now because he was too afraid to go into the bathroom. SUNNY grit his teeth through the tears.

He ran away. He went to his room. He threw himself into his bed. He cried into his pillow.

MARI also cried. She heard SUNNY weep over the door in the bathroom. She fell to her knees. She put her head against the door. She touched the door as if to reach out to SUNNY through it, but it did not reach him. She continued to cry - quieter than him, so he could not hear it.

She wanted to throw up all the drugs she had been stealing from him. She couldn’t help it. She was going to go fucking insane in that piano room. She was going to lose her mind. She had to take something. Whenever she went to the bathroom, SUNNY’s medication loomed over her on the shelf. She had no idea what was going through her mind when she first took them. But when she took them, her mind went numb. The anxiety would go away. She could focus on her music more. She always played the piano afterwards.

But this was breaking her, and it was breaking him. She had to stop.

SUNNY couldn’t sleep. Usually, crying his eyes out made him go to sleep faster. But that nightmare kept coming back to him in his mind.

He got out of bed and silently approached the bathroom. The door was closed this time. What had just happened prior rushed through the back of his mind. MARI’s voice kept echoing through his head, calling out his name. He breathed in and out - in and out. He closed his eyes. He opened the door.

There was no one there. The bag of medication was spilled on the floor, along with MARI’s cup. He picked both of them up and headed for the kitchen. The cup of water that he had gotten earlier probably had been sitting there for an hour. He put MARI’s cup down next to it and took his medicine. Only then did he start to hear his heartbeat slow down.

On the way back to his room, he heard a noise. It was coming from the piano room, in which the door was opened. As he approached it, he heard... piano. Someone must’ve been playing it. It had to be MARI. And even though his mind made that connection, somehow - perhaps for the first time in months, for the first time since the night before the recital - thinking about MARI did not make his body immediately panic. It might’ve been the music that calmed him.

He walked closer to the opened door, and he could hear the music clearer. It was playing a certain piano part over and over again. He stood to the side of the door, and did not look inside the room. He stared at the floor, and listened closely to the music. Eventually, he heard a voice.

She was singing.

I could overdose on one med, and another, and another

And I'll never be myself

Depersonalization's not as bad as you think

Though it doesn't seem to help

I could never tell him what I dream about

He always thought that was cheap

I don't even wanna think about it now

So I never go to sleep 

And I never go to sleep

And I never go to sleep

And I never go to sleep

I never go to sleep 

When I close my eyes

I see you, only you

It's a bit askew

Everything's a blur

I can't tell if it's you anymore 

It's another scene that I have seen before

Nothing I do will make you stay

Is there any way that I can repay? 

There's a valley with wind and fresh air

You and I were there

You looked absolutely mortified

I was terrified

I stepped back as you pushed me to the edge

I was at the ledge

I can't wake up and I start to weep

I can't tell if I'm asleep 

I can't tell if I'm asleep

I can't tell if I'm asleep

I can't tell if I'm asleep

Can't tell if I'm asleep 

And you push me down

And I fall, and you cry

Oh thank god, you're fine

Won't see me around

I'll be gone when you catch the lie 

It's another day that I am staying inside

I'm alone with my thoughts to stay

I wanna blow this night away

I just want you to stay

MARI didn’t remember how she met HERO. But he did.

It was quite embarrassing so he was glad she didn’t. It was during a home ed class in grade school, and they were cooking. He tripped and all the flour got spilled on HERO’s face, which is funny to think about now. The other kids in his group didn’t even look at him and they kept doing their own thing. HERO was crying. MARI, who wasn’t even in his group, laughed at that, rolled up her sleeves and approached him.

“HI. I’m MARI. What’s your name?”

“...HENRY.” HERO sniffed and looked away. He was embarrassed that a girl saw him cry. (Though he was the only boy there.)

“Okay, HENRY. Pass me the flour. Or what’s left of it...”

“What?”

“Let’s make it together. Come on.”

“Uh... What about yours?”

“Mine’s done.”

She pointed at the other table, which had a small, neat looking cupcake on it. HERO stared at it, baffled, for a couple of seconds. When he looked back at his table, MARI had already made herself comfortable with the tools and ingredients.

She helped him clean up first and taught him how to knead the flour. She went behind him and put her hands on top of his hands. HERO blushed, because she was sticking to him tight, like she was hugging him.

“Why are you doing cooking?” MARI asked. “All the boys are doing building, right?”

“I have a brother.” HERO’s voice was meek. “I want to learn how to cook for him.”

“Aw. That’s adorable.” MARI chuckled. “Is he younger?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, what a coincidence. I have a younger brother too!” MARI laughed again. “He’s so cute.”

‘Yeah... Mine is too.”

“Nah. SUNNY is cuter, I bet.”

“N... No. KELSEY is cuter.”

“Uh... NO???” MARI puffed. “SUNNY’s cuter!”

“KELSEY is!”

HERO finally raised his voice too. The two had a staring contest and then yelled at each other like that for a while longer like that. Then they both laughed because it was really stupid. They made a compromise; they would see each other’s brothers, so they could see for themselves.

When they went home together that day, they found out they lived next to each other.

Spring break was here. For MARI, it simply meant she could stay in her room longer. More time to play the piano.

She did eventually get her father’s help in bringing that vinyl player down. It was a quiet and foreboding moment of daughter-father bonding as they carried it downstairs. She also brought all of her vinyls with her, which she used to keep stacked neatly. She put all of them in the half-empty shelf which used to only house books of sheet music.

Noise was common throughout their house now. There would always be some sort of music coming from the piano room. Whether that be MARI’s vinyls of old pop records, or the sounds of her playing piano and singing. This would continue late into the night. It was like she never slept.

And SUNNY would listen to it. But they didn’t speak to each other anymore. SUNNY wanted to. But they would rarely have the time or the opportunity. He was getting better, and he was almost certain he had gotten over his fear of MARI quite a bit. But MARI grew more and more distant. He felt like she was avoiding him more than he was avoiding her. It was as if she was more afraid of him now.

SUNNY hung out with KEL, AUBREY and BASIL during the break. BASIL got along with KEL and AUBREY better now. But the absence of MARI meant no picnics, and the absence of HERO meant no food. KEL was awfully silent when it came to the question of HERO. But it seemed like he had gotten busier with schoolwork, preparing for college. SUNNY had a guess as to what was really the problem.

It was because of him. He took her away from HERO.

MARI did remember when she first saw HERO. It just wasn’t when he thought it was. (She also thought that if she pretended to not know, she could get him to retell the story. She couldn’t, though.)

When their family first moved in, MARI didn’t feel all that happy about it. She left behind all the friends she knew at her previous school. SUNNY would start kindergarten here, so he would be fine and she was relieved about that. But she missed her friends and she missed her old big city. She didn’t want to live in some suburbs in the middle of nowhere.

When the movers were moving stuff in, her father was helping them and her mother was with SUNNY. MARI sat there in the grass in front of the empty house, watching the movers go in and out. She was so bored. That was when she looked over to her neighbor’s house and saw a boy come out. A boy with weird spiky hair.

He was slouching, like he was avoiding people. He looked around to check for anyone in his vicinity, but he did not look over to MARI’s house - as if he simply assumed there was nobody there. When he started walking to the other side, MARI stood up. For some reason, she wanted to follow the weird boy. That made her feel weird too. Isn't that what a stalker does? Then she told herself: I’m just walking in the same direction as him. It’s not like I’m tailing him. We live in the same town now. It's not like there are many places to go here. It’s fine.

MARI hummed and kept her distance from the boy as she happened to walk in the same direction as him. Eventually, that led them to the park. MARI hadn’t gotten to explore the town at all. She was shocked at what she saw. The playground looked like it hadn’t been maintained in years. The swingset was rusty and the seat didn’t look like it was properly attached. The slide was so small and tacky compared to the huge, intricate ones she was used to seeing. She didn’t hate it; it was just that the only kind of playgrounds she saw were huge ones surrounded by various apartments.

She breathed in the air. It was great. She was also surprised to see all the green around her. It was amazing to see a park where the ground was not made out of cement but rather grass. She walked around and looked at the trees for a moment.

That’s when she realized she had lost the boy. He was nowhere to be seen. The park wasn’t that big, so where could he have gone to? There is only one entrance and exit, and she was standing by it. MARI sat on a bench and wondered. Well, it wasn’t like she didn’t know where he lived. She’d just ask him his name tomorrow. Maybe ask him to go to the park with her. Wait, why would she do that? She wasn’t sure, she just wanted to talk to the guy. He looked nervous but there was something about him.

MARI laid her head down on the bench table and took a nap. When she came to, it was almost evening. She rushed back to her home and got a scolding from her mother.

That next day, she transferred to her new school. And there he was, in her class. (It was a small school and there were only 4 classes in her grade anyway, so she was kind of expecting it.) The boy with the weirdly one sided spiky hair. She smiled at him, but it looked like he didn’t notice.

Talking to the boy would prove difficult. She didn’t sit next to him. And he wasn’t exactly alone, either. Again, it was weird - he would hang around the boys but would never talk to them. He just nervously stood around them, laughing when they also laughed as well. MARI honestly got secondhand embarrassment just from watching him. She had already befriended every girl in her class just that day.

She chose cooking for home education. Well, all the girls did, so it was really an easy pick, but she also liked cooking for SUNNY. And there he was as well. The weird boy with his little pink apron, because they probably didn’t think a boy would be in that class. (She thought it looked cute. Wait, what?)

While she worked on her cupcake, she kept glancing over to the boy. That was really weird of her, too, to be honest, and MARI was beginning to become aware of this herself. Eventually, the boy tripped over while holding the opened bag of flour, which proceeded to spill all over him. MARI couldn’t help but laugh at that. He looked at her, and MARI thought, oh no. Is he gonna think she’s weird? Does he know she’s been watching him?

But the boy looked more embarrassed and confused than angry. That was a relief to her. Oh, thank god. Not only is he weird, he is also dense as a brick. He looked like he was about to cry. Unfortunately for him, a cute boy looking like he’s about to cry is what awakens MARI’s older sister instincts. She walked up to him and smiled.

“Hi, I’m MARI.”

“Hey, MARI.”

HERO spoke over the door to the piano room. He hoped she could hear him. He couldn’t hear anything back.

“Here are some cookies I made for you. I hope you’re eating well.”

He sat the bag of cookies he was holding down, next to the door.

“We haven’t really talked, huh? We used to talk a lot. I think I miss that, haha.”

HERO laughed out of embarrassment. That was such a stupid thing to say, but he couldn't think of much else. He leaned his back against the door, and looked up.

“The others miss you too.”

He wouldn’t really know about the others because he hadn’t been spending time with them at all. He’s mostly been coming here and thinking about MARI. But he couldn’t tell her that.

“Have you been talking to SUNNY?”

Tears began to flow down, regardless of his wishes. The last time HERO talked to MARI - properly, that is - was when he came up with that idea of them exchanging letters. He had no idea how that went, but judging by her condition, it seemed to have made things worse. Did he mess it all up? He wanted to ask her that, but he couldn’t.

“I really want us to go back. Go back to having picnics, sitting by the lake, feeling the sun... I dunno. Do I sound dumb? I always kind of was. You were the smart one. All I did was just imitate you.”

He began to let out a lot of words. The tears must have been doing something to him. He tried his best to not make his cries be noticeable in his voice. He silently wiped the tears off with his sleeve. He stepped forward and turned around to face the door again.

“Anyway. I’ll come again tomorrow, okay? Please take care of yourself.”

HERO walked away. He waved to SUNNY and left the house.

When she heard HERO go away, she sighed. She spit at the door. He kept coming to see her, every day. He should spend that time bothering someone else, she thought. Or go talk to his actual friends, to SUNNY and the others. They need him, not her. She didn’t have time for him.

She opened the door. She saw the bag of cookies. She picked them up. They smelled wonderful. It was getting late and she hadn't gone to the kitchen since lunch. Her stomach growled. She closed the door and pulled out a cookie. She took a bite. It was good. She kept munching. Sounds of crunching filled the room and a tear came out of MARI's eye.

MARI and SUNNY followed KEL and HERO further into the park. The two crouched down and went inside the trees, with KEL gesturing to the two behind them to follow them. MARI looked at SUNNY. He still hadn’t gotten used to KEL and HERO, and seemed apprehensive. She smiled at him and held his hand. They followed the two inside the trees.

When they came out, they were greeted by a grinning KEL and a HERO who had a nervous expression. He was worried they got lost and was about to go get them. KEL grabbed SUNNY’s arm and excitedly led him further into the lake. MARI and HERO left behind at the entrance and watched their younger brothers from behind.

“This place is nice.” MARI said.

“I told you we knew a good place.”

“Yeah, I mean, you’re not very reliable, HERO, so I had to see it for myself.”

HERO blushed and turned around so MARI couldn’t see his face. MARI tilted her head in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“No, it’s just that...” HERO scratched his head. “Nobody besides KEL has called me that, you know.”

“Oh, really.” She made a smug smile. “It’s such a cool nickname, though. So manly.”

“Come on, stop it.”

“Wel, if you don’t like it, I guess I will stop it... HENRY.” MARI’s voice changed to that of a serious tone.

“Wait.”

HERO turned around to MARI. She still had that smug look on her face. He realized he had been tricked. He facepalmed and looked at her again. He groaned and put his hands in his pant pockets.

“Just call me HERO.”

“What, you like it?” Her smile turned more devious.

“Uh.. Yeah, I guess.” HERO sighed.

“Good, because I was going to call you that anyway even if you hated it.”

“What?! Then what was the point of me admitting that?”

“I just wanted to see you blush. Mission accomplished.”

MARI laughed. HERO was fuming, his face completely bright red. She started walking up to SUNNY and KEL and called out their names. HERO followed her.

HERO was taking extra classes even through the break, so he was going home around evening. Today was MARI’s birthday, March 1st. He wasn’t sure what to get her; if he should get her anything at all. He was sure KEL and others could come up with something. But he didn’t even know where they were now. He rarely talked to KEL nowadays, even at home.

On his way to MARI’s home, empty handed, he saw BASIL on the street. He was walking in the same direction. HERO hesitated a bit. The last time they ever talked to each other was that day in the lake. (That was also the last time he had gone to their hideout spot.) It would be really awkward to talk to BASIL now. But HERO snapped out of it. What the hell is he hesitating for? He’s supposed to be the older one here. If he doesn’t own up to it, who will?

“BASIL!”

HERO called out to BASIL, as he walked closer. BASIL turned around. He was terrified. As soon as he saw HERO, he began running. HERO cussed under his breath and ran after him. BASIL made a turn in the direction of the park. HERO went the same way. When he arrived at the park, BASIL was nowhere in sight. HERO looked around. After a bit of searching, his eyes went towards the entrance of their hideout spot. There’s probably not much else BASIl could have gone to.

HERO went through the trees and arrived at the lake. He saw BASIL sitting by the dock. He was looking at the water. HERO silently approached him and sat down next to him. That startled him and made him notice. His body shook and lost balance. HERO quickly grabbed his arms. As he clutched BASIL’s arms tightly, they looked at each other. BASIL still seemed scared and nervous. HERO tried to reassure him by showing him a smile. He didn’t want BASIL to think he was mad at him.

HERO let BASIL go.

“How are you, BASIL?” HERO asked.

BASIL turned his body and looked down. “Fine.”

“Mhmm.” HERO nodded. “How are the others? How’s SUNNY?”

BASIL flinched when HERO said SUNNY’s name. “He’s doing better.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

HERO scratched his head. He faked a laugh and looked at the water. This was so awkward. He knew he should apologize to BASIL. He should apologize to everyone for being such a bad big brother. Why was it so hard to just own up to it?

“BAS-”

“HERO.”

BASIL cut HERO off. They were staring at each other again. He looked like he was about to cry, but he didn’t look scared anymore. Before HERO got to speak up again, he was interrupted once again.

“I’m... I’m so sorry.”

As soon as he said that, BASIL burst into tears.

“I’m sorry, HERO. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was so mean.”

“BASIL...” HERO stared at him, while he cried profusely.

“I was... I was just so mad at MARI. I couldn’t believe what SUNNY had said. And I wanted to protect him. But I only made things worse, didn’t I? I’m the reason MARI won’t come out.”

“Don’t say that, BASIL. I forgive you.”

HERO got closer to BASIL and hugged him. He cried onto HERO’s shoulders, as he continued to murmur words of apology. HERO patted his back and tried to hide his own tears.

“Were you going to go see her?” HERO let go of BASIL.

“I want to say sorry to her... But I don’t think I can do it.”

“I can come with you.”

“Please, don’t. I need to do it myself. I have so much to tell her. I can go another day. But not today...”

BASIL looked down. HERO stayed silent in compliance. He looked like a mess right now, anyway. HERO saw him reaching out into his pockets.

“HERO, can you do something else for me?”

“Sure, BASIL.” HERO smiled.

“Please give these to MARI.” BASIl handed HERO a posy of lily of the valley. “It is her birthday, after all. All of us talked about it... I’m not sure if any of them will go see her besides you, though.”

HERO nodded. He looked up; it was getting dark. He told BASIL that he should be going home soon. They both stood up. HERO grabbed BASIL’s shoulder and smiled at him. He finally smiled back.

When they began walking out of the park together, BASIL stopped and looked at HERO.

“Hey, HERO.” BASIL said. HERO turned around to look at him. “Have you ever talked to MARI about it? About what I told you?”

“...No.” HERO looked away. He sighed. “But I should. I have to. I should do it for SUNNY.”

“Yeah.”

“But she never talks to me. She...”

“Oh.”

HERO looked down. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He wiped his eyes with his sleeves. He looked in front of him and BASIL offered him a handkerchief.

“No, I’m fine.” HERO gently pushed away BASIL’s hand and tried to put on a smile again. See you later, BASIL.”

“Okay... Bye, HERO.”

HERO waved to BASIL at the intersection. The sun was setting and he started to walk towards MARI’s house.

MARI hadn’t seen HERO all day. KEL had no idea where he was, and if he didn’t know, who would? He made sure SUNNY was with the others and set off to find him. They wanted to go with her, but it was getting late and she thought they should stay inside.

He wasn’t at school or GINO’s or HOBBEEZ. She headed for the park. She walked around for a short while, but her steps were heading towards the hideout spot right after. As soon as she got out of the trees, she saw HERO standing near some grass. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking down. He heard MARI come out and looked at the entrance. MARI smiled in relief and began coming closer, but HERO got visibly flustered and started panicking. He looked around to see if there was anywhere to hide or run to, but in that time MARI had already caught up to him.

“Where have you been!” MARI puffed her cheeks and pointed at him.

“Uh... Here?” HERO scratched his head, refusing to look MARI in the eyes.

“I’ve been looking for you all day. We were worried.”

“Sorry.” HERO turned around to face the lake. “I guess I just wanted to be alone for a bit.”

He pulled out his other hand from his pocket. MARI looked at it closely. Both of his hands were shaking. She realized that might’ve been why he was hiding them; having his hands in his pocket wasn’t very much like HERO. She walked closer to him.

“Your hands, they’re shaking...” She said with concern.

“Oh. Yeah.”

HERO turned around and saw that MARI was right behind him. He flinched and backed off. MARI saw that his face was bright red. Her expression went from concern to confusion. She tilted her head. When it looked like he was about to run past her to the exit, she grabbed his arm and locked her eyes with his.

“HERO, tell me what happened.” MARI said.

“Nothing happened... It’s just some stuff.” HERO tried to shrug her off.

“So what’s the stuff?!” She put her hands on her waist and frowned.

“It’s... Uh...”

HERO did a fake cough and turned to the side. He sighed and took in a breath.

“I guess there’s this person, and I want to tell her something, but I get so nervous whenever I think about her, and being around her kind of scares me? But being with her is nice and I think she’s cool and I like her I guess. ...Wait.”

HERO stopped and looked back at MARI. She didn’t have any particular expression on her face. HERO didn’t either, but he was screaming inside. He wanted to run away right now.

“...”

MARI stared at HERO for a long time. She let go of his arm. She crossed her arms together and smiled. HERO had a dumbfounded face on him.

“So it’s a girl then?” She said, her voice all smug.

“MARI!”

HERO’s face went bright red again and he covered his face with his hands.

“Calm down. I’m not going to pry. I’m a nice girl, you know.”

“Okay...” He sounded dejected.

MARI giggled. She looked at HERO. He looked more relieved after letting all of that out, but he still looked nervous. His hands were still slightly shaking, his eyes were avoiding hers, his feet were fidgeting. MARI closed the gap between them.

“Hey...” MARI’s smile faded away. “It’s not like she’s here?”

“Well, that’s...”

She held both of his hands. She closed her eyes. HERO was bewildered. It was hard for him to control his breathing. He could hear her heartbeat, as well as his; his was so much faster than hers. She could feel the sweat on his hands, and he could feel the softness of her fingers. HERO tried to make a sound.

“Shh. Don’t be afraid. It’s not as scary as you think.”

She held onto his hands even tighter.

“Take a deep breath. There you go.”

HERO did as she asked. He closed his eyes and followed her rhythm. In and out, in and out. His heartbeat began to slow down and it was syncing up with hers. As she tightened her grip, he too held onto her hands tighter. She could feel that the shaking on his hands was lessening.

HERO opened his eyes. He saw MARI looking at him. She smiled for him. It tugged on his heart. He looked at her smiling face like an idiot.

“You’re... good at this?” He smiled along with her.

“Haha.” She giggled. “Yeah, well SUNNY is a nervous wreck, right? So we do these exercises sometimes. I guess you remind me of him a lot, actually.”

HERO stared at MARI. Her gorgeous smile, her shiny long hair and her beautiful eyes. She laughed and giggled. He thought that was adorable. She didn’t let go of his hands. The setting sun illuminated her white dress shirt with an orange hue. The light made her seem like a regal presence. He looked at her in awe. He fell in love with her, as he did every time he saw her smiling face and heard her laughter. Love struck him like an uninvited guest or a lightning bolt. A tightening feeling around his chest; a warm and fuzzy heat in his heart. Everything else in his sight blurred and only she remained in the world. She was the world - only MARI. Just him and her. Lover and loved.

He gently let go of her hands. She put one of her fingers on her eyes to wipe off some of the tears, as she continued to giggle and talk about the similarities between SUNNY and HERO, which must’ve been amusing to her. HERO couldn’t hear any of it. He looked her directly in the eyes with a resolute expression. It snapped MARI back in place and she stopped saying whatever it was she was in the middle of. She smiled and tilted her head. HERO spoke to her.

“Hey, MARI.”

“Yeah?’

“I...”

SUNNY’s family greeted HERO by the door. He was let in and even invited for dinner - SUNNY had already sat down - but HERO turned them down, saying he was only here to give MARI some flowers. Her parents looked at each other, both with concerned faces. HERO looked over at SUNNY and waved at him. He waved back. His face looked like he wanted to tell HERO this wasn’t a good idea. HERO smiled. As the family returned to preparing their dinner, HERO exited the living room and headed for the piano room.

HERO heard the sounds of piano. When he came by, he usually liked to sit there and listen to it for a few minutes. They sounded nothing like what MARI used to play for him. She always said that she only knew classical, and that waltzes were her favorite. He knew the song they were going to play for the recital by heart, because she always looked so genuine and passionate when she played that one. MARI’s pursuit of perfectionism made HERO strive to better himself. She made him the way he is.

These songs were different. They sounded more like old pop music you’d hear on one of those classic rock stations. She would also sing, which shocked HERO. She never did that, even for him. When MARI sang over these piano songs, she sounded painful. Sometimes she sounded like she was actually crying. It ached HERO to hear that, but it was also a kind of magical experience he didn’t want to interrupt. He had a front row seat to a performance she will never have an audience for. There was a part of him that selfishly enjoyed that.

As usual, he listened in for a few minutes, as MARI practiced the same song over and over again. Eventually he knocked on the door, which made her stop the song immediately.

“Hey, MARI. It’s HERO. Happy birthday.”

HERO coughed.

“I have some of these... flowers. I ran into BASIL today, and I think he called them lily of the valley. He wanted you to have them. He also told me the others - they were all thinking about you.”

He sat the flowers down by the door. He noticed that the cookies were gone. Anything he brought was always gone. It warmed his heart somewhat to see that every time. Maybe her parents cleaned it up; but he liked to believe she took them.

“Okay... I think that’s it. Good night.”

HERO began to depart but stopped himself. He stared at the door.

“No, wait. I need to say this. I need you to answer me.”

He breathed in. He put his hand against his chest to calm himself. It was something MARI taught him how to do when they were little children. He breathed in and out, in and out. He stared directly at the door.

“Is it true, MARI? You... You told SUNNY those things? Was that what drove him to do... it?”

There was an awful moment of silence. It almost seemed like he wouldn’t get an answer. But HERO was patient. He didn’t plan to leave until he heard a word from MARI. Fortunately, the silence was eventually broken by a frail voice from beyond the door.

“Yes.”

HERO heard MARI’s voice for the first time in months. She sounded hoarse from all the singing. He thought he was about to cry. It was too much. But he regained composure. He listened in close, because her voice was quiet.

“Yes. I told him that all of you thought he was useless. I told him he was a selfish brat. I knew the exact words which to hurt him. I knew it’d make him practice harder.”

She had MARI’s voice, but she didn’t sound like the MARI he knew. There was no emotion in those words. No warmth, no anything. It was like a poor imitation. HERO killed his breath so he could hear her voice just a little more clearly.

“Are you happy now? Go away then.”

HERO began to panic. No, this can’t be it. He had to say something. He couldn’t let it end like this. He put his head close to the door and spoke up.

“I... I forgive you, MARI.”

“Do you, now?”

“Huh?” HERO was surprised - that wasn’t what he expected.

“Do you, or are you just saying that because you want to see me again?”

“What? No, why would I do that?”

“You’re so predictable, HERO.” MARI scoffed. “You always say what is convenient. Have you ever said something that you really meant?”

“Of course...!” HERO tried to raise his voice.

“Leave me alone. I don’t need your pity.”

“MARI, you can’t keep doing this. I can’t stand to see you like this.”

“I don’t care?” MARI chuckled in a venomous tone.

“You can’t keep blaming yourself! SUNNY has already forgiven you.”

“That boy will forgive anyone. I will never forgive myself.”

“You have to. Please... For-”

“For you?” She interrupted him.

“For us...”

“It’s always about you, HERO. It’s you, you, you. You’re my HERO, here to save his little princess, aren’t you? Then come save me. Be my HERO.

MARI taunted. Her words hit HERO like poison. It hurt so much - how could she say that? He couldn’t even imagine MARI could say something like that. She knew which words would hurt him the most... That’s what she said about SUNNY.

The truth is, she was entirely wrong. It was never about him. It was always about her. It was her who he tried to become, her who he aspired to be. A nervous, shy little boy became the charismatic people pleaser only because he knew a perfect someone who could do all of that and more. HENRY could only become HERO because of MARI.

“You know I’ll never, ever - ever - give up on you, MARI.” HERO was on the verge of tears.

“Have you talked to SUNNY?”

“Huh?”

HERO was taken aback by the question. It wasn’t the response he expected. Before he could even think about the answer, MARI continued.

“You said, BASIL told you about the others. Not from them directly? So you haven’t seen them? Have you seen SUNNY?”

HERO was at a loss for words. He still didn’t know what to say.

“You haven’t talked to them at all, have you? You’ve abandoned them.”

“You’re wrong, MARI!” HERO yelled, perhaps for the first time while talking to MARI. “I was... Without you, I...”

“Oh, so it’s always up to me, huh?”

“No, I-”

“What about KEL? He’s your brother!”

“I’m busy, alright? I can’t babysit him forever!”

HERO couldn’t dare tell MARI one crucial piece of information - ever since MARI started ignoring her class duties, she was demoted from being a representative without her knowledge, and the teacher forced that role onto HERO. He had been taking up MARI’s slack ever since then - he feared she would be expelled otherwise. He couldn’t tell her that, though. It would just mean admitting that HERO was reliant on MARI as a concept, as a goal in life. That he was nothing without her.

“I was busier than you have ever been, and I always made time for SUNNY.”

“But what about now? He needs you right now!”

“SHUT UP!”

MARI yelled. HERO stepped back. He was startled. Had he ever heard MARI yell like that? In almost 10 years he’s known her? What’s more - he might've legitimately been scared of her at that moment. Not just because of her voice, but also because he couldn’t refute anything she was saying. He knew she was true about one thing: he did abandon KEL and the others. No matter how many excuses he may come up with, that was the truth.

“If you really cared, HERO, you wouldn’t come see me. You’d go see SUNNY. But you don’t care about the real victim here. You just want your princess back.”

HERO put his palm against the door.

“Get the fuck out, HENRY. And don’t come back.”

That’s when MARI’s voice stopped.

He sobbed in front of the door. He secretly wished that MARI would open the door any minute now and comfort him by hugging him tight, like she used to do. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen. He stood there and wept.

He heard someone approach him. It was SUNNY, who looked at him with a concerned look. It almost reminded him of MARI. When HERO noticed SUNNY, he wiped his tears off like nothing had happened and put on a smile. He walked up to SUNNY trying to explain himself, but SUNNY wordlessly stepped closer to him and hugged him.

His eyes were wide open. He stared at SUNNY, who closed his eyes and patted HERO’s back. It felt good and comforting. Eventually, the confusion subsided, and HERO let his emotions overtake him. He closed his eyes and grit his teeth. He cried louder than ever. He cried as a suicidal 12 year old hugged and consoled him. Amidst of all that, SUNNY began to weep too. The both of them didn’t have any words to let out; it was just their cries and the tears which dissolved into air.

MARI fell to her knees. She could hear HERO silently weep over the door. Her ears were good like that. She couldn’t feel anything. She couldn’t think about anything. Her throat hurt. She felt heat on her cheeks. She was tired.

She couldn’t hear HERO anymore. She tried to stand up, but in the process she started to hear it again. Then HERO’s voice began to grow louder and louder, until crying turned into wailing. A hot, thumping feeling surged in MARI’s heart. Her heart ached so much and her head was splitting. These feelings overwhelmed her.

As she listened to HERO cry, tears began to flow out of her eyes as well. She made sure to not let out much noise so he could not hear her, but it wasn’t of much use. Her voice grew larger, but it was drowned out - or, rather, harmonized - with the weeping in the background. The two were separated by a door, but in a way, they were performing a duet.

HERO’s voice stopped. MARI kept weeping for some time after that by herself, her emotions still not quenched. By the time she had cried so much that tears physically could not come out of her eyes, she stood up. She looked at OMORI. Her only friend in times of need. Her instrument of choosing. The grand piano sat majestically in the middle, illuminated by the moonlight seeping through the window behind it. She heard it whisper to her: It’s okay. You don’t need him. You’re a perfect girl. A perfect, exemplary sister to all. You don’t have an obligation to help anyone. No one is entitled to your help. You’re your own person.

She couldn’t take it anymore. She had to shut it up. She sat down in front of it and opened the lid. She began playing some chords, which made the voice go away. She was going insane, she could tell. She started to connect the random chords into a cohesive progression. Then a melody popped into her head; then an arrangement, then a coda, then... Before she played any of that, she hurriedly went over to the recorder. The way she put the tape in was haphazard and sloppy. She went over to the piano again and began playing the music. She put her soul into it. In every note was a word she wished she had said instead earlier. In every note, she wanted to take back something she had said. She put all those unsaid feelings into her song; what she couldn’t say to him.

She wanted to tell him she loved him.

SUNNY woke up to a familiar ceiling. A wooden texture, with a slight mix of beige and warm yellow. He has woken up to this ceiling for most of his life. He turned his head. She wasn’t there. Of course she wasn’t. She hadn’t been there for almost half a year now.

The scary thing was that he was almost getting used to it.

He continued his daily routines. The things that MARI helped him with, he could do on his own now. Music silently crept its way out of his life. His parents had not brought it up since. He had no idea where the violin went. (Not like he wanted to know.) He knew MARI had been sneaking up here to bring her stuff out. It became really obvious with the vinyl player. He wanted to cry. He wanted to plead with her to please let him have this; please let him have some trace of her left in this room. But he couldn’t. He had to witness every trace of MARI gradually fade away from their room, until it became only his room.

He wanted to return to that unfamiliar, white ceiling of his hospital room. He could never get used to it. He would never forget about MARI there. No matter how hard his mind tried to suppress it - literally causing his body to react as if he was on the verge of death - he couldn’t get her out of his mind. In that white space, MARI would be all that remained. She would be an ever existing constant. In here; inside this place he called ‘home’, he could almost pretend as if she was never there to begin with.

Everything remained the same except for the fact that she was not here. Nothing changed except for her music, which quietly oozed out of the piano room amidst the moonlight.

MARI found an old tape recorder her father used to have, along with a miniature player. She also found dozens of spare tapes. She remembered that they existed because he would often talk about how he wanted to record the recital with those tapes; he liked the sound of them, he would say. Dumb old man. Who listens to tapes nowadays? (She would say to him, as she played her vinyls.) But his words lingered on as MARI played the piano.

MARI wasn’t sure why she was writing these songs. A creative urge? Or a destructive one? While they started as pure expression of her emotions, and a glorified diary, they were beginning to turn into letters. They were turning into messages. It was becoming more and more evident to her that she wanted someone to listen to this music.

The sheet music wasn’t enough. The words weren’t enough. She needed to leave behind records of her existence. It was, in a way, the most basic, human instinct to ever exist. To leave behind a legacy. It was a cry for help. A cry to whom, though? MARI knew exactly who it was. There wasn’t a question about that in her head.

She began recording every ‘session’ that she would play. She played the piano and sang and listened back to every take and did another one and another. Now that she could listen back, it was easier to fine-tune her arrangements and words. Her songs were feeling more and more like finished pieces.

She had to make them perfect. They had to be perfect.

“Hey.”

It was during recess and SUNNY was zoning out, as always. A girl's voice woke him out of his daydream. He turned his head around. It was AUBREY. This sent him into a silent panic. He had realized that he hadn’t had a conversation with her for... months. Their relationship was never a talkative one; SUNNY always thought it was a one-sided affection he had for her, anyway. It was staggering, actually; he hadn’t even thought to speak to her. He was a terrible friend.

“Earth to SUNNY? Hello?”

AUBREY shook her hand in front of SUNNY. He nodded in response. The seat next to him happened to be empty, so she took a seat in it. She crossed her arms and glanced around the classroom. SUNNY just looked at the floor.

“Will you talk to me? This is kind of awkward.”

SUNNY nodded again, looking at AUBREY. She was frowning. Realizing that the nod was inadequate, he whimpered out, I’m sorry.

“What are you saying sorry for? Don’t say that.”

SUNNY scratched his head in embarrassment. He looked down again. He twiddled his thumbs. He said the same thing again, not knowing what else to say.

“You did it again.”

AUBREY giggled. She found it amusing. It made SUNNY blush. She smiled at him. He tried to hide his face. He didn’t say anything, so more silence followed. He felt guilty when AUBREY pointed his repetition out, but her smile made his heart warm. AUBREY’s face took a sad turn, as she stared at SUNNY who was desperately trying to avoid eye contact.

“I’m sorry too, SUNNY.” She sighed. “I don’t really know what to do. I want to be a good friend to you.”

It’s alright, SUNNY told her. She has her own problems to deal with.

“I... Yeah.”

SUNNY looked up again. AUBREY’s face had a frown on it, but she looked less frustrated than before. Her pupils dotted downwards as well. She turned her head to the side, looking at nowhere in particular.

“I miss her.”

She couldn’t see him, but SUNNY nodded. He let out a ‘mhmm’ as well. It made her turn her face back to him. He moved his eyes upwards just to confirm that, but didn’t raise his head. AUBREY scooted her seat closer to him and leaned in closer.

“Please, SUNNY. Could you see her again? Ask her to meet us? Just one more conversation... We can help her, together.”

It was impossible not to look at AUBREY now; it looked like she was about to grab onto him. He shook his head and told her he couldn’t do that.

“Why not?”

He just can’t. He’ll only make things worse.

“But why are you not doing something about it? Why?!”

AUBREY sounded like she was going to cry, and there were even a few kids in the classroom who looked their way. SUNNY shrank backwards. He was trembling. AUBREY stood up and stepped back, horrified at what she just did. She didn’t mean to scare him.

“I... I’m sorry for shouting.”

SUNNY raised his head to face AUBREY. When he looked at her horrified expression, he turned away. He closed his eyes to calm himself down. AUBREY started to walk closer, wanting to comfort him - or do anything - but the bell rang and recess was over. Before she walked back to her seat, dejected, AUBREY said one last thing to SUNNY.

“See you after school...”

MARI scrounged through the storage room. She knew she had them stored here somewhere.

She eventually found them. Two items that she used to have as a younger teen, which she used to frequently use before her parents got her the grand piano: A Micromoog synthesizer and a Roland R-8 drum machine. She also found a Roland 808, which she didn’t even remember having, but she took it with her anyway.

Her songs were missing something. The piano arrangements were good, but she needed more. There were certain songs where percussion could help lead the rhythm. And some songs had empty parts where just the piano wasn’t enough to express everything in her head.

She opened her notebook, which had various bits and scraps of music notated on every page. There were also lines of lyrics scribbled, barely legible to anyone but her. She ripped out one page. It contained a list. She taped it on the piano itself.

1. Rosemarie
2. The Park
3. The Valley
4. Love
5. Sister
6. Hero
7. The Midnight
8. Omori
9. Letters
10. Sunny

She pressed the button on the tape recorder. She began playing.

It was another silent after school hangout at the park. KEL throwing hoops, AUBREY naming clouds, with SUNNY and BASIL sitting at the bench. But the atmosphere wasn’t as suffocating as before; KEL even tried to strike up a few words with BASIL. But he could tell something was weird about AUBREY, because she was further out back than usual.

He was about to approach her, basketball in hand, when he heard someone else enter the park. He dropped his ball when he saw that it was HERO. KEL hadn’t seen him here in months. He forgot about AUBREY and ran to HERO with a big grin on his face.

HERO didn’t even have time to wave before KEL embraced him in a hug. He patted KEL on the back. BASIL stood up and went towards the two, which kind of surprised SUNNY but he followed as well. AUBREY stood up and walked up to them too, but still kept her distance.

“Hey, guys.”

HERO smiled at them, and KEL was still within his arms. BASIL smiled back, and SUNNY waved as well. HERO looked at AUBREY and she finally replied, “Hey.”

“What’s wrong, AUBREY? KEL?” He let KEL go.

“HERO, she’s being weird again!” KEL pointed at her.

“I am not weird, KEL!” AUBREY glared at KEL. “It’s just...”

AUBREY’s gaze kept going back and forth between SUNNY and HERO. She lowered her eyebrows. HERO looked at SUNNY.

“SUNNY, do you have something you want to say?”

SUNNY gave one glance towards AUBREY, then shook his head. HERO knew something was going on, but also knew he wouldn’t get much out of SUNNY by prying further. That meant he averted his eyes to AUBREY again. Surprisingly, she stepped forward before he could ask anything else. She opened her mouth, her eyes clearly ridden with guilt.

“I’m sorry, guys. SUNNY... I said something really bad to him.”

“What did you say to him?” HERO asked.

“I was... I was just so frustrated. I asked him if he could see MARI...” She turned to SUNNY. “I’m sorry, SUNNY. I didn’t think about how you’d react.”

It’s okay, SUNNY muttered out. AUBREY’s ache in her chest hadn’t been rid of, but it comforted her to simply let that all out and let her friends know. Bottling up emotions wasn’t something she did often, and this frustration was alien to her. KEL approached her and simply put his hand on her shoulder. AUBREY playfully shrugged and knocked him away, which made both of them laugh.

HERO was glad he could solve the conflict without much intervention. But this also reminded him just how terrible he’s been to these kids. He should’ve been the older one, guiding them through this time while MARI wasn’t here. If he hadn’t happened to come here today - which was out of guilt more than an actual desire to meet them - what would’ve happened to AUBREY and SUNNY? They would’ve drifted apart further, and that would’ve been bad for KEL and BASIL too. He felt so stupid.

HERO turned to AUBREY. “AUBREY, we just need to give her more time. We just...”

“HERO, did you...?” BASIL couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I couldn’t... I...”

He began to tear up. He tried to turn away so they couldn’t look at him, but BASIL bugged him from the side. KEL and AUBREY weren't sure what it was about, but they soon joined as well with SUNNY joining in last and it became a somber group hug.

They let go of each other. They glanced at one another and wiped their eyes.

“HERO... Did you ask her?” BASIL looked at HERO.

“Yeah... She told me herself. It was true.”

“I can’t believe it.” AUBREY frowned. “MARI was like my older sister too. How could she do that to SUNNY?”

“I don’t know if I can ever bring myself to truly forgive her...” BASIL said. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not sorry about what I said. That doesn’t mean I don’t want her back.”

“I’m so mad at her, but I also miss her. I just want to talk to her again...” AUBREY looked away from them. KEL nodded along.

“We all miss MARI, guys.” HERO said, holding back his tears. “But she’ll come back to us, I’m sure. We have to keep strong so she can feel welcome any time.”

“Yeah.”

The three of them said in unison, while SUNNY stayed silent.

They spent the rest of the day in the hideout spot, which they hadn't been to for months. They sat by the picnic basket. It didn’t feel the same; perhaps it never will again. But HERO felt some comfort and even some form of hope from spending time with his friends and his brother again.

To SUNNY, however, each minute of silence felt like another stab to his stomach wound, trying to pry it open. The guilt was trying to kill him for the second time.

She got another note wrong. MARI stopped playing and hit the piano with her fist. The body shook and it produced an ugly, discordant chord. She was fuming with anger and frustration. This was the thirty second take that day and it had been hours and she still couldn’t get these two rapidly changing arpeggios right. She could never get the fingers wide enough and she would mess up either of them. She could simply eliminate some of the notes in the chords to make it easier for her fingers. But she didn’t compromise. This part had to be right.

She started playing again, and not even more than 20 seconds in, she got a completely different part wrong. That part wasn’t as important so she kept pushing through. She got to the vocal part and began singing. She was aware of her own vocal prowess and wasn’t as perfectionist when it came to her voice, but she still hit all of the notes right through all the takes. This time, though, she couldn’t hit one of the particularly hard notes. Her throat choked up and she had to stop playing again.

She coughed in pain. She stood up and turned on the vinyl player, which started playing a random pop record from the 70s that she had paused a few hours earlier. She strolled around the room in a circle. She bit her thumb. She didn’t even notice the pain until she looked and it was bleeding.

She stood in the middle of the room. She glared at the piano, as if it had the answers. The frustration kept bottling up in her chest. She breathed in and out harshly. Words kept looming around her mouth, but they wouldn’t come out. She wanted to cry. But she wasn’t sad; she was more angry than anything. She huffed.

Something snapped in her. It took her back to that night. Moonlight coming through the window, SUNNY in front of her looking down, and her, furious. It hurt her so much to live it through again, and even more so because she could still feel some of that anger from back then. She was going to have the world and he took it away from her. Everyone wanted her to have this and wanted him to be happy as well but he broke it in pieces. He threw it all away.

MARI began yelling. She screamed like her gut was about to spill and her lungs were going to explode. She didn’t yell out any one word in particular. It was just a combination of different lingering emotions; a primal roar from the depths of her heart. Her throat felt like it was being stabbed by a knife. She kept going. Her screams reverberated throughout the piano room, and its echoes could be heard everywhere in the house.

She stopped. She hyperventilated. There was a terrible headache. Her ears wouldn’t stop ringing with the echoes of her own screams. She was tearing up and her face hurt so much. She leaned into a wall and began calming down, like she used to teach SUNNY and HERO how to do.

Her throat hurt and her chest felt like it was going to blow up but it felt so cathartic. She took a dark pleasure in confronting her darkest memories which caused her the most pain and to simply let out her guilt and frustration along with it in an animalistic fit of rage.

She grabbed a bottle of water that was on the ground and drank the whole rest of it in one shot. Then she fell to the floor and closed her eyes. She quickly passed out.

SUNNY arrived home a little later than usual. His mother was worried and gave him some scolding, but upon being told he was with his friends, she easened up. She was making dinner so she told him to have a bath.

Before he did that though, he went deeper into the house. He stood by the staircase, staring at the door to the piano room. He took a deep breath. He calmed himself down, like how she taught him. He thought he could do this. Not a full conversation face to face, but maybe just a peek. He so desperately wanted to see her face. No, just her back, even. It had been much too long. Just a peek.

He stood in front of the door. He closed his eyes and gulped. He put one hand on his chest and the other on the doorknob. With a steady breath, he turned it, but it was already open. He pushed on the knob slightly. His sight began to blur and he began to hear a noise, but he ignored all of it. The door was open just enough that he could peek inside the room. MARI was lying on the ground, and she was facing away from him. It looked like she was sleeping. SUNNY sighed in relief at this.

He wanted to see her face, but he was still not ready to step inside the room. He pulled the knob and closed the door, which was his mistake. He didn’t control the force on his hand enough and the door closed with quite a loud creak.

MARI sat up, awakened by the sound. She looked around in a daze, until she noticed the door. It was closed, but she was convinced the noise came from there.

“Is someone there?”

She said, still not sure if she was dreaming or not. The door opened slightly, but not enough that anyone intended to come through. Then she heard a voice saying, yeah, beyond the small gap. When she finally realized that she wasn’t dreaming and that it was SUNNY’s voice that she just heard, she sat up, a little shocked.

“Is it you, SUNNY?”

She heard another yeah in response.

“Oh.”

She was still dumbfounded at what was happening. It had been a long time since they last talked. Really, it had been quite some time since she had talked to any human being, and the last time wasn’t something she wanted to remember again. She didn’t expect this to happen right after she woke up.

She heard nothing but silence from beyond the door. For some reason, she felt like SUNNY was going to slip by her fingers once again. She wanted to open the door fully and embrace him, but she kept remembering that panic attack he had at the mere sight of her. Sure, he was getting better - he was getting better every day. But what if this time is the final time she screws up? What if this time, it was irreversible? What if he killed himself again?

MARI stood up. She couldn’t just stay idle.

“Wait.” In a desperate tone, she spoke up. “Please, don’t go.”

She heard him mumble ‘okay’. She was relieved that she wasn’t too late. But she wasn’t even sure why she said that. What was she going to do? This barely counted as being with him. There was always this door that separated the two of them, like a great fence dividing them. She helplessly stared at it.

Then it hit her. Of course. There is something she can show him. She had been writing it for him all this time. It was all so he could hear it.

“Um... Hey.” MARI wasn’t sure how to put this. “Do you want to hear a song?”

There was one that was perfect. It was the only one she wished he could hear right now, and not after her work was done.

Sure. That’s what she heard. She walked to the piano. To OMORI. Before she sat down, she turned on the tape recorder. She didn’t bother saying which take it was, of course. This song was already recorded, in fact, so she wasn’t sure why she did that. She just felt she should. She sat down and opened the lid. She cleared her throat.

“My voice isn’t very good, sorry... Something happened.”

She took a deep breath. She began playing.

I sat and watched you play around in the park

I guess you liked the feel of sand

You were building those castles

When a wind swept by my hair

And your piece came tumbling down

I stood up and went by your side

I said,

“There, there.

Don’t worry, little brother.

The world could be against you.

But no matter what you do,

I’ll stay by your side.”

And I hugged you tight

That’s when you cried

You don’t have to be nice

Or wise

Or kind

I’d still love you

It’s not something I can take back at any price

I still broke you

I’m not sure if I can love myself anymore

Not that I ever did before

Maybe love isn't something I know enough

I’m wearing makeup, makeup, makeup

Can you even love yourself?

Or do you just pretend until you burn the memories

So take a deep breath

Try not to choke myself

Don’t hang me when I’m dead

“MARI, you’re nice

And wise

And kind

So how do you do all of that?”

SUNNY, there’s a simple explanation

I’m none of those things

SUNNY stood there, frozen, as he listened to the whole song. He had heard bits and pieces of this one before, when he would pass by this room at night. He wasn’t sure what she meant about her voice, because it was beautiful. 

He remembered the event she was singing about. Of course he did. It was one of his earliest memories, and one of his fondest. It was the first time he opened up to MARI emotionally on his own volition. The fact that MARI also remembered it and that she put it in song caused an unspeakable feeling in SUNNY. He was crying by the final chorus.

Thank you, SUNNY said. That’s all he could muster. He didn’t know what else to say and he was so emotionally overwhelmed that he couldn’t stay there. He left after that.

She stood up and took the recorder. She paused it. She looked at the door, recorder in her hand. Her throat hurt and she gulped. She put the recorder down and sat down. She couldn’t cry even though she wanted to. She just felt tired. She just wanted to see him.

Music didn’t stop. No one in the house dared to file a complaint to her. The piano room became its own breathing space inside their house, a cursed and banished dimension no one could step a foot into.

These are some of the records she played.

Billy Joel - The Stranger
Tori Amos - Boys for Pele
Kate Bush - Hounds Of Love
Fiona Apple - When the Pawn...
Ben Folds Five - Whatever and Ever Amen
Elton John - Honky Château
Nick Cave - The Good Son

MARI started recording. She spoke.

“I’ve been contemplating suicide.

I’ve never been able to say that out loud. They say the more tempting a thought is, the more taboo it seems. So I say it aloud in this room, where no one can hear me.

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

I say it aloud, just to see how it feels. I say it once, putting emphasis into every word. I say it again, this time nonchalantly, like I don’t even care. I repeat it to myself until it doesn’t even feel confessional anymore; just a simple truth about myself.

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

What a dirty and rotten word that is - suicide. When I say it, it grants me power. I feel in control. That I’m in control of my life, that I can end it at any time. I feel destructive, morbid; and it exhausts my heart. I feel like my mouth is defiled just by uttering it.

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

And so Nick Cave sang in ‘Shivers’. He follows it up with: ‘But it doesn’t really suit my style.’ It really doesn’t suit mine, I know. Saying this makes me just a little more imperfect. Just a little less like the MARI they want me to be. I shatter your image of her like breaking a glass window.

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

I wrote a song today. Saying it doesn’t feel right, so I put it into a melody. I put it into a melody and I sang it and it felt right.

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

This is not for making poetry or to use it to make my art more tragic or make anyone pity me or ‘understand’ me. I’ve been thinking about killing myself. I say it aloud to see how it feels.

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

Because what else is there for me to do? I weigh all the options, I flip through the manual. I think I heard once that you'd only care enough to kill somebody you love. I don’t think so. Because I hate myself, and I’ve been thinking about killing myself.

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

And I also read that a suicidal urge is not an affection for death, it is a terror of living. The suicidal person doesn’t kill herself out of a feeling that death is appealing. She does so the same way a person will leap out of a window in a burning building. The terror of falling to death remains a constant, but it becomes the lesser of two terrors against the fear of burning to death. It’s not desiring the fall, it’s the terror of the flames. ...Not desiring the fall, it’s the terror of the flames.

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

I thought about killing myself because I almost made you kill yourself. And what if you really had died that night? Bleeding out on the ground, knife stuck in your abdomen, as I watch your life fade away, your face growing paler and paler. Would I even be here now, or would I have done it already?

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

The weight of that sin continues to push down on me ever since that night. So dying seems preferable to continue living on with this weight. And the only reason I haven’t done it yet is because I know you would be heartbroken. I also know you might try to follow in my path. That is the one thing I can’t let happen. You’re the reason I’ve stayed alive. All it costs is your love.

I’ve been contemplating suicide.

Do I hate myself more than how much I love you?”

She stopped the recorder. She played it back and turned it off upon hearing more than 3 seconds of her own voice. She knocked the recorder off of where it sat and into the floor. She lied down on the floor and looked up.

“This is terrible.”

It was the thick of summer. The heat was deadly and suffocating. MARI changed out of her dress which she wore all throughout the winter and spring into a shirt with short sleeves. There was no fan or air conditioning in this room. But even if she did, she wouldn’t turn them on. The recorder would pick up the noise. She played the piano, sweating through the pain.

She stopped the recorder and looked at the list in front of her.

1. Rosemarie
2. The Park
3. The Valley
4. Love
5. Sister
6. Hero
7. The Midnight
8. Omori
9. Letters
10. Sunny

MARI looked at a calendar which was lying around on the floor. Only 3 months until October. Only 3 months until that night again. Only 3 months she had left to finish her work. It was nearly done.

He told his therapist. He gets scared of death, doctor. He has since he was little.

“You do?”

Yes. He gets panic attacks. His body freezes up. He feels like he’s going to die. He knows he won’t. But his mind doesn’t listen.

“...SUNNY. Do you know you’re a little compulsive?”

Huh? He didn’t really think so. He didn’t clean his room often. He’s kinda messy.

“You’ve told me that you’re afraid of being wrong. You often check things twice, or more. Thoughts often don’t leave your mind for extended periods of time? These are all signs of compulsion, you see.”

...Okay.

“This compulsion, or obsession... This can become a matter of life and death.”

The doctor coughed and looked at him.

“Statement one. People all eventually die. This is true, correct?”

Yes.

“Statement two. People can die at any time. Do you also agree?”

...Yeah.

“Then statement number two is the problem here. Everybody knows number one. They know it for sure, 100 percent, so they don’t worry about it. But this second statement, this is the one that gets people. How likely do you think you could die right now? In this room?”

Uh... Probably... SUNNY stuttered.

“Very low. But it’s not 0 percent, right?”

He nodded.

“Let’s say your probability of death is currently 0.001 percent. That’s when the panic kicks in. It’s not about the future, it’s not that you ‘will’ die. It’s that right now, you ‘could’ die, that’s what it’s about. Some people are very sensitive to that 0.001 percent, and that’s why they get scared in planes and jump at the slightest bump. Other people just think about the 99.999 percent. And the people who care about the 0.001 percent can have panic attacks or anxiety. Do you understand?”

Yeah, he mumbled.

“To them, the 0.001 percent is not that. Airplanes do crash. To them it’s about how it could happen at all. So it’s 100 percent. What do you think you’ll do if that 0.001 percent happens to you?”

He...

“You just have to die.”

He stopped his breath.

“The people who think about the 0.001 percent - they can’t think that. They want to live when death is right at their doorstep. They don’t want to lose control. They want to stay alive. So they try to struggle even at the 0.001 percent probability of death - and that’s how they get themselves killed.”

The doctor made eye contact with him. He looked down at the floor.

“SUNNY. You have to learn to accept death. Or else, you’ll end up sticking your head in the oven.”

There was a chill that went down his spine. He nodded again. There was an awful silence and he couldn’t respond. The doctor stared back at him. He fidgeted. Eventually, he made eye contact and spoke.

He wanted to live.

She was out in the backyard. It was late. It must’ve been past midnight. She wasn’t sure. She woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. She was so tired and couldn’t play anything either. The moonlight shone upon the little tuft of grass she stood on, in front of the tree. She looked up at the tree. She saw one of the branches sticking out. She looked at it intently.

It was perfect.

She heard a noise from behind her. She turned around. The door was open. She had closed it before walking up here and someone had opened it. For some reason, she felt like she knew who that was.

“Is it you, SUNNY?”

She called out. She heard a yeah in response. A chill breeze passed by her. She walked closer so she could hear him better.

“You can’t sleep?”

SUNNY said yeah again.

“Me too.”

She stood a little bit further away from the sliding door. She knew her brother was beyond this wall by its side. It pained her heart that they still had to do this. She wanted to cry every time she remembered how long it’s been since she last saw him.

She leaned her back on the door. She thought SUNNY must’ve been leaning on a wall from the other side, too. She sighed and looked up at the moon.

“Do you want to go outside?”

She said, not really thinking about it. She wasn’t going to go to sleep anytime soon. It had been a long time since she went outside. It had been months, actually. The last time might’ve been the day of the ‘picnic’; her memories were fuzzy.

Is that fine? SUNNY said. His voice was trembling.

“We can cause some mischief. It’ll be fine.”

MARI laughed. It made her remember when they were younger. When she didn’t have any worries and they were just brother and sister, siblings and partners in crime. Going outside way deep into the night was one of the things they used to do. MARI always thought FARAWAY at night looked beautiful. The stars shined much brighter out here in the suburbs than the city. The starlight made the mundane scenery of this suburban neighborhood look like a world inside a dream. She thought it was a waste not to show it to SUNNY.

She heard SUNNY say okay. There were footsteps after that. She waited for a minute. She took a deep breath. She could do this. It’s not going to happen again. She walked on ahead and went through the door, closing it as she stepped into the living room.

There was SUNNY, with his back turned on her. There was something serene about his figure standing in the dark. MARI hadn’t seen even his back like this in weeks. She tried not to let the emotions get to her.

When she got closer and she could see him more clearly, that’s when she noticed. He was shaking. He was shaking a lot. She couldn’t see his face, but she could imagine it - his terrified face from that night. The image had burned itself into her memories; she could never forget it.

She stopped her steps. She was still too afraid to touch him.

“SUNNY. Wait.”

Her voice rang through the dark living room. SUNNY’s shaking was not improving. She took a deep breath and continued to speak.

“It’s alright. I’m here. Take a deep breath... and steady yourself. Remember?”

SUNNY breathed in and out. It started out shaky but became steady as MARI spoke further. His body stopped quivering.

“There you go.”

She smiled. She took a breath and sighed out in relief. She didn’t know how she could handle her brother having another panic attack in front of her.

“Why don’t you go on ahead? Let’s get some fresh air. I’m right behind you all the way through.”

SUNNY began to take slow steps towards their front door. He opened it at a snail’s pace and it made a bit of a creak. When it opened all the way through, a wind blew by his cheeks. He breathed it in and took a step outside. As he walked further, MARI followed. His steps were dragging, like he wanted to take it all in. MARI went after him with even slower steps.

He hadn’t seen FARAWAY at night in years. (Because it had been years since they did this together.) He looked up. There were small shining dots everywhere amidst the dark sky. The stars were shining down on the roofs of every house.

SUNNY and MARI walked down the street. It was cold for a summer night. They occasionally heard the sound of crows. MARI fidgeted as she walked. She jumped a little every time the wind caressed her skin. She hadn’t been outside in so long, much less with SUNNY. Her senses were overwhelmed. Even so, she never once took her sights off him.

For SUNNY, it was quite easy to pretend MARI wasn’t behind him. It was easy to just pretend he was on a night jog by himself. But the sounds of another set of footsteps from behind him broke him out of that fantasy every time. Whenever he acknowledged her presence, something dark crept up behind him. When that happened, he would steady his breathing again. He looked up at the moon and the stars and the faint light of the streets around him.

Eventually, they reached the park. SUNNY stared at its entrance for some time. MARI did, too. He went inside and looked around. No one was there, of course, besides some homeless guys sleeping. The moonlight made the swingset and the slide shine, and the sandbox looked like it was glistening. Its silhouettes stood strong over the dark, fuzzy background.

He looked at the trees that went to their hideout spot. He had been there a few days ago, but he had never gone there at night. They stopped doing this some time after befriending KEL and HERO. MARI looked at the trees too. She hadn’t been there at all in so long. She was afraid to enter the spot, in fact, but she wanted to play up the big sister act while she was with SUNNY.

“Shall we?”

She said. SUNNY flinched. He stepped forward and went into the trees. MARI followed. She felt the leaves grazing by her sleeves. It felt terrible, even though she used to go through here every day.

When she came out, SUNNY was already walking further into the lake. She followed after him. He stood in front of the pier. The lake was reflecting the moonlight back. He sat down by the picnic basket and continued to stare off into the lake. MARI looked at him from behind.

“Do you want something to drink?”

SUNNY nodded. She went back to the park. It still hurt to go through the trees. She went out of the park and looked to the side. The vending machine was there. She thought she could also go to OTHERMART - a few places would still be open - but she really didn’t want to leave SUNNY alone for longer. She got water for herself and an apple juice for SUNNY and went back to the lake.

When she went back, he was standing on the dock. He was looking down at the lake. It looked like he would jump into it at any time. MARI wasn’t sure why she thought that. But it felt like it. She felt like her brother would once again slip by her fingers right in front of her. She felt as if his life would fade away once again.

She began walking up to him. When she was halfway there, she dropped the beverages and started to run. Her sight of SUNNY was beginning to blur because of her tears. She ran up to SUNNY and hugged him from behind. She felt SUNNY’s warmth with her arms. He winced in reflex, but he could feel her warmth too. He held her arms. He didn’t move his head. He kept looking down at the lake.

“Can you please let me do this?”

MARI sobbed through her words. The moment was overwhelming for her. SUNNY only nodded. After a few seconds, she tried to regain composure. She looked at SUNNY. He wasn’t shaking or trembling, but he was silent. Without looking at his face, it was hard to tell what he was feeling. She didn’t want to scare him or, god forbid, send him into another attack.

“Are you scared?”

He shook his head. She tightened her embrace. A wave slashed by in the lake, shooting off a glimmer back to the two. They quietly heard the waves. Her sniffles were muffled out by them.

“I’m scared, SUNNY.” She wept with every word. “I’m scared you will disappear.”

No one's ever lost forever
When I die, I’ll go away
But I’ll visit you occasionally
Do not be afraid

No one's ever lost forever
I’ll be caught inside your heart
If you garden them and water them
They make you what you are

And it was done.

She looked at the list. She underlined the very last object. She pulled it out and the tape was ripped off.

1. Rosemarie
2. The Park
3. The Valley
4. Love
5. Sister
6. Hero
7. The Midnight
8. Omori
9. Letters
10. Sunny

She took a deep breath. She let go of the paper and it flew down to the floor. She picked it up. She walked over to the recorder and stopped it. She pulled out the tape. She took a marker and wrote, ‘Sunny’, on the empty surface.

The lilies of the valley that she got from BASIL sat alone by the corner. She took a flower.

She walked out of the piano room and into the storage room. At the end of the room sat a toy box. She opened it. Inside contained the disfigured violin. She put this here the day after SUNNY’s attempt. She put it here along with everything else they used for practice, like sheet music.

She put the tapes in the toy box. She put every single one of them - there must’ve been more than 50 of them, or maybe even a hundred. There were 10 tapes that were marked with a label in particular. She put them along with the list of song names. She put the single lily of the valley flower on top of everything.

She closed the toy box and locked it. She left the storage room along with the key. She went out to the backyard for some fresh air. She stared at the tree. She smiled as she examined that one branch again. Then she went to their tree house. It had been untouched since the incident, which was almost a year ago now. In fact, it would be exactly one year in a week.

There was one of BASIL’s pictures in here. She flipped it. She put the key down. She pulled out a marker and wrote something down on the backside of the picture.

DON’T FORGET IT’S IN THE TOYBOX.

SUNNY was feeling ecstatic.

He couldn’t stop thinking about that night a few weeks ago, when he went outside with MARI. He couldn’t see her face once. But he talked with her. He walked with her. She was there with him. She hugged him and cried. And he didn’t feel scared. Sure, the instinctual panic did creep up in him - but he defeated them. They were together.

After that, they went home silently. But ever since then, SUNNY had made up his mind. He was going to talk to MARI again. He was going to see her. He knew he could do it now. He was strong enough. As soon as he got home from school, he was going to open the door to the piano room. He was going to hug her and tell her he was sorry for being so selfish. He was going to have his sister back.

SUNNY excitedly jogged back to home after school. This was going to be the day. He psyched himself up, which felt really weird but he just felt like it. It was cold and a harsh October autumn chill passed by him. He couldn’t feel it. His mind was only on one thing.

He stood in front of their front door. He stopped in his tracks. It loomed ominously in particular today. It was like something was coming out of it. A dark shadow stretched out from the door. It filled him with dread instantaneously. His hands were shaking. He took a deep breath. He couldn’t lose. He was going to defeat this thing. He glared at the door intensely and took one step forward.

It opened on its own, before he could. It made a sharp creek as it slowly turned and revealed her. MARI covered her eyes with her arm, as the sunlight penetrated her eyes. She covered the sun with her arm and looked in front of her. SUNNY looked at her. He couldn’t process what was happening properly. Even the dread had dissipated. He was just shocked. She ran towards him and hugged him tight. The impact snapped him back to reality. He heard sobbing and she clenched onto him tighter. He couldn’t see her crying face. But her cries ingrained itself into his mind.

“I’m sorry.” He heard her say. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry...”

KEL got a call. It was from SUNNY. He hadn’t gotten a call from him in... ever, actually? KEL didn’t know he even used his phone to call anybody.

“Hello? What’s up, SUNNY?”

Get HERO. AUBREY and BASIL too.

“Huh?”

And come to the lake. SUNNY said in monotone. Then he hung up.

“That was weird...”

KEL pondered. Well, lucky for him - he wanted to hang out all of them today anyway, and it’s great SUNNY feels the same too. He has been the hardest one to pin down ever since MARI stopped showing up.

He heard their front door open. Must be HERO. Again - lucky for him.

“What? Sorry, I’m busy today.”

AUBREY scoffed and was about to close the door.

“Wait!” KEL held it in with his foot. “SUNNY wants to meet us.”

“Oh... SUNNY?” AUBREY opened the door again. “Okay. Let’s go.”

“Pff. You’re so easy...”

“WHAT?!”

“Okay, okay...”

She came out and also saw HERO, who was waiting for them further back, and they said hello to each other. KEL led the way to the park, practically jumping up and about as he walked.

They came to the park and BASIL was waiting there. (BASIL had a phone and AUBREY didn’t - that’s why KEL had to come get her.) They headed for the hideout spot. They went through the trees. They saw two people by the dock - one of them seemed short enough to be SUNNY. They walked closer to the two. HERO froze up in his tracks when he recognized the other person as MARI. The younger three stopped as well.

MARI turned her head and made a somber smile. “Hello, you four.”

“MARI...” HERO was shaking.

“Please, let’s sit down.” She pointed at the picnic spot. “I made something for everyone.”

She walked over there and sat down. She looked at SUNNY and patted the empty spot next to her. He sat down there. KEL and AUBREY were the next ones, and they sat on the opposite end from the two. BASIL sat awkwardly in between AUBREY and MARI. HERO looked at the four, still in disbelief. He finally sat, but it was more like he collapsed on his knees. They formed a circle and glanced at each other.

MARI began pulling out handmade sandwiches from the picnic basket which she had just made. She sat them down in the middle. KEL’s eyes lit up. He took them without saying anything, and AUBREY got mad and smacked him on the shoulder for that. He got another one and handed it off to her. She was bewildered but took it from him anyway.

“Thank you, MARI! Oh, and also, hi.” KEL blushed as he shoved the sandwich into his mouth.

“Hi, KEL.” MARI giggled quietly.

“MARI...” AUBREY held the sandwich in her hands. “Are you okay now?”

“You could say that.” MARI stared off into the lake. “How about we just eat for now? We can always talk later.”

She grabbed the sandwiches and handed them to SUNNY and BASIL. BASIL was sweating and couldn’t look at her at all. He stared down and accepted the food. SUNNY started munching at his sandwich without words.

HERO was dead frozen on his knees. He felt like he was going to suffocate. His eyes were fixed on MARI, who was giving a warm smile to the other four. She looked back at him. They both nervously looked away, but HERO more so. He scratched his head.

It was an anxiety-inducing picnic for all present company.

An hour or two passed. They were done with the food. What followed was more silence and more awkward fidgeting from HERO and BASIL. They seemed uncomfortable to be there. MARI didn’t mind, though. She had a slight smile on her mouth that made her look both gloomy and resolute.

It was - shocking enough - BASIL who broke the silence.

“MARI...”

He said, as he finally got a good look at her. She looked at him back, tilting her head in curiosity, her smile still on her face. She was trying to act like how she had always seemed to them. But that was not true. She looked like a complete and utter mess. Her shirt was ragged, her hair was dirty and uncombed, and the radiance in her smile lacked the light it once had. She was a mockery of who she once was.

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry.”

BASIL was overwhelmed by guilt and began to sob. Those two words were all he could let out through the tears. He repeated them over and over, as everyone watched him. MARI scooched over to him on her knees and hugged him. He cried into her shoulders. She patted his back. She told him it was alright. He missed this. But he knew that it wasn’t really alright, and he was sure she did too.

She pulled him back and grabbed onto his shoulders. She locked her eyes with his. BASIL wiped his tears and looked back at MARI. She had this decisive look in her eyes. She glared at him.

“BASIL.”

She spoke.

“You did nothing wrong. You are a good person. You’re bright, smart, and sensitive... You are empathetic to a fault. You truly understand others. That’s why you protected SUNNY, didn’t you? You understood him. You understood his feelings... That is something I could never do. You two deserve each other. Please don’t hate yourself... You have to be there for him.”

BASIL nodded. He couldn’t stop the tears but he wasn’t sobbing.

She turned to the other three. They were all looking at her intently - even HERO. She looked back at KEL.

“KEL.”

He was surprised. He briefly glanced at AUBREY by his side, who looked back at him with equal confusion, but when MARI held his hand, he looked back at her.

“You’re a great friend... No one truly deserves a friend like you. You’re always smiling, always positive... you bring light into their lives by just being there by their side. You may think I was always the one to bring us together, but look at you. You guys have stayed together even without me... You are truly the bond that ties us together.”

KEL let out, “Yeah,” in response. He was smiling and crying at the same time. He didn’t even notice he was crying until he replied.

MARI turned to AUBREY. She was already getting emotional and sniffling.

“AUBREY.”

MARI hugged her. She burst out into tears. She wept and wailed as MARI held her tightly. MARI let her go and wiped her eyes. They looked at each other.

“You’re a wonderful girl, AUBREY. Every time I see you, you’re doing something bold and courageous. You’re ever steadfast, always fighting for your dreams. I see a lot of myself in you, of myself when I was younger. But you’re better than that, AUBREY. You always believe in yourself, but most important of all, you believe in your friends. You’re the kind of person who is going to change the world. You’ll do great out there.”

AUBREY couldn’t stop weeping. She nodded and just said ‘mhmm.’ MARI smiled for her.

And finally, MARI turned to HERO.

“HERO...”

Everyone expected her to make another speech for him. AUBREY kept crying and BASIL handed her a handkerchief. KEL and HERO met eyes for a short moment and KEL nodded back at him. But MARI didn’t say anything.

“I...”

That’s all she could let out. The words were stuck in her throat. She looked away and frowned in shame. She had this all written out in her head. Christ, she wrote a whole song about it. But when it came to it, she was still a spineless coward. She didn’t have anything she could say for the person she loved.

HERO was thinking the same thing. He wanted to say something to her. He hadn’t said anything this whole time. And why? Because he was afraid? Or felt guilty? He was incredibly indebted to MARI. She changed his life - she saved his life. He wouldn’t be half the man he is without her. He was thinking all of these things - so why not say them out loud? Stop it. He told himself. Stop thinking. Just do something. For once in your fucking life, stop letting her do everything for you and do something for her, you piece of shit.

HERO hugged her. She was completely stunned. She wasn’t sure how to feel. It should’ve been the other way around, but it happened. She hugged him back silently. They clung onto each other tightly. Both of them began crying together, still not being able to get any words out.

“I love you, HERO. I love you.” She cried.

“Yeah.” He cried as well.

Everyone else joined in. They all embraced each other, and MARI felt at home at last. All of them felt she was finally back in their life, and she felt she belonged. Her throat gave in and she continued to shed tears. She looked at each of her friends in joy, smiling and crying back at them.

She’s really going to miss all of them.

SUNNY couldn’t help but feel something was deeply, extremely wrong.

He didn’t say anything throughout the entire picnic because he felt so uncomfortable. It seemed the others didn’t notice; he supposed he was always the silent type. But this was different. He could not stop looking at MARI the whole way through. The way she talked and acted was beyond unsettling. Something wrapped around him and it filled him with dread.

Why did she speak like she was on death row? Why did she tell each of her friends something to remember her by, like she was saying goodbye to them? Why did she act like this would be the last time they’ll see her? And why wasn’t any of them noticing this?

They decided to return home when the sun set.

“See you tomorrow!” KEL yelled out.

MARI did not say anything, and that’s what was the most unnerving to SUNNY. If the old MARI had really returned to them, why didn’t she reply like she used to? Instead, she simply smiled back as the other four disappeared into the streets. SUNNY couldn’t tell what that smile meant. But she looked like she was about to cry again.

They went back to their home. It was getting late. They stopped at the staircase.

“You should go to bed, SUNNY.”

She turned to him and smiled. He was looking forward to her sleeping in their room again... But too many good things has already happened today, right? MARI was out. Everyone was together again. He shouldn't ask for even more.

He nodded. They waved to one another and he began going up the stairs.

“Hey. Before you go...”

He turned around to see her.

“Do you remember what day it is?”

SUNNY tried to remember. It should be October 25th. He replied.

“No, I mean... What kind of day is it?”

He was confused. He shrugged.

“Okay. I love you, SUNNY.”

And with that, MARI went back to the piano room. He stared at her as she closed the door. That was another disturbing thing to add on the list. He had no idea what the meaning of that was, except that it made something clench onto him tighter.

He went to his room. He sat on the bed. He didn’t lie down yet. He must’ve just dozed off for a few dozen minutes. He only heard the clock tick over and over again. He noticed their calendar. Still in a daze, he stood up and went to examine it. It was October 25th. What was the significance of that? He felt like he had seen this exact part of the calendar many times before. This image was already ingrained in his mind; but why? Why would this date be so familiar to him? Not thinking much of anything, he checked the same date but from last year.

And he saw that October 25th of last year was marked in bright red. By the date, it was written, “THE RECITAL”. And that is when everything sank in.

The dread and discomfort had reached its full height. SUNNY felt chills. His breathing was growing unsteady. Oh my god, he was panicking. This was terrible and he needed help right now.

He needed to find MARI. RIGHT NOW.

He practically burst the door open. Without any hesitation, he hurriedly went down the stairs. He was breathing harshly. He sprinted at full speed to the piano room.

The door was open. There was nobody inside. Only MEWO remained. She noticed SUNNY and purred loudly. He looked everywhere in the room - but there was nowhere she could hide. Lilies of the valley were haphazardly spread around the floor. The panic was settling in even more. He could hear a ringing in his ears. His sight was going awry. The air was suffocating.

He ran to the living room. He looked in the kitchen then the bathroom. His loud footsteps echoed through their house. When he ran back to the living room, that is when he noticed the door to the backyard was open. Only then did he realize there was a trail made out of lilies of the valley, leading out from the piano room into the yard. Everything came to a halt. The ringing, the dread, everything. A realization was sinking in and he ignored it.

He slowly approached the door. His vision was turning into a complete blur. After what seemed like hours, he took a peek out the door. He couldn’t see anything well because his sight was going crazy.

There was something by the tree. Something black.

He walked towards it, following the flowers. Each step was painful and made his chest clench. The only thing he could hear was the rapidly accelerating sounds of his heartbeat.

He stepped on something. He looked down at the grass. The trail stopped, and now there were lily of the valley flowers scattered all around the tree.

He stood in front of the tree and looked up. It was late into the evening. Moonlight shined upon the tree. Something was there. He could see it clearly now.

He found MARI.

Hanging from the tree.

Suspended in the air.

Her neck tied to a branch.

He saw her eye.

END OF ACT 1

LILY OF THE VALLEY: ACT 2

KEL was accepted into his school’s basketball team without an audition. He just threw the sickest hoop he could throw and they recruited him into their top position on the spot. The jocks dropped their jaws as KEL flew through the court, his steps that of a rhythmic dancer. Everyone at the gym stared at him in awe.

He talked to a girl today. Her name was JOSIE and she was a manager on the basketball team. They chatted for a few minutes and she seemed nice. She didn’t make fun of him when he told her he still liked to play those Pet Rock games for kids. Nothing like AUB- He means, she was really cute too. KEL might even have blushed.

It was a good day. He hoped every day would be just as good as this one.

The beeping coming from the phone was deafening. HERO fell to his knees and the receiver dangled around. KEL was standing by the doorway. He watched HERO as his face became empty of all emotions. It was like his very essence had dissipated, only leaving a hollow husk of what he used to call his older brother.

KEL slowly approached him. He was shaking his head and mumbling something. KEL kept asking what was up. He was scared. He had never seen HERO like this before. He wanted to know what was going on. He crouched down next to HERO and shook his shoulder. He leaned in close enough to hear what HERO was mumbling. Two words, repeated ad nauseam.

“She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone.”

KEL was fine. No, really. He was.

He had great friends. Everyone on the team loved him. He was cheerful and funny and sociable. He wasn’t good at much of anything so that was the least he could be. He killed it at basketball, though.

JOSIE confessed to him the other day and he could not be more happy with her. She was nice. They hung out. They talked. Did stuff. KEL told her he loved her too. She blushed and fiddled around with her hair. KEL felt a weight was pushing down on him. He was sweating; he hoped JOSIE wouldn’t notice. He guessed this is what people meant by ‘butterflies in your stomach’? He wasn’t sure. It didn’t feel good, if it was.

His family loved him. They just did, he knew that. It’s not like they tell him they do, but KEL figured they had to. He loved them too.

HERO was.

Everything was just coming up KEL. Things were KEL-tastic. Nothing could go wrong. Nothing was going to go wrong.

He remembered little of the funeral. Maybe AUBREY’s cries which pierced through the ears and chests of all present company. Maybe HERO’s words up at the podium. His voice had none of his confidence - no longer HERO, just HERNY COLDWOOD, a boy devoid of anything. His choice of words were more of a confused scramble to find anything to remember her by than a genuine attempt at memorating his life with her.

Maybe SUNNY and BASIL sitting by themselves, only looking down during the entire duration. Maybe SUNNY looking inside the casket for a length too long for anyone to be comfortable with. Maybe MARI’s face, clean and beautiful, robbed of all life. Robbed by herself.

Maybe he remembered these things, maybe he didn’t. He’d rather not.

“KEL, let’s break up.”

JOSIE took a sip from her bubble tea. They were sitting outside a cafe.

“Huh?”

“Look, you’re a nice guy, but...” JOSIE sighed. “You don’t like me, do you?”

“Yes I do!”

“Then what do you like about me?”

“I... You’re nice.”

“And?”

“You...” KEL pressed his finger onto his forehead. “Smell good?”

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

“Yeah.”

“Like how?”

“Uh...” He stared at the table.

“Yeah. Okay.”

JOSIE stood up and grabbed her bag. KEL sat frozen in his seat, watching her slip by. It was like she was turning transparent in front of him.

“I guess you still like that AUBREY girl.”

“...What?”

The mention of that name sent KEL’s mind into a spiraling mess. KEL stood up. He was fuming with something. Anger, or maybe betrayal - it was something.

“How do you know about her?” KEL yelled. JOSIE looked shocked for a minute at KEL’s tone. “I thought when I joined the team was when I first met you!”

“I’ve liked you for way longer, actually - why do you think I was so excited to talk to the new guy? - and I was planning to tell you that. But you know what they say about meeting your crushes.”

“...What do they say?”

JOSIE laughed out loud. “I hope we can still be friends. See you at practice tomorrow, KEL.”

And she walked off, waving as she did. She disappeared into the foreign city streets which he never dared to go. KEL stood there and watched the sprawling lines and dots of people moving about through the streets.

Oh well. KEL supposed he didn’t deserve her anyway. HERO lost his love. And KEL would never be better than him. So this was only natural.

Huh? Why was he crying?

One week since SUNNY hadn’t come to school. One week became one month and one month became one year.

AUBREY.

AUBREY, AUBREY, AUBREY.

Just saying her name terrified him.

He remembered a day, a few weeks after the funeral. He was still dating JOSIE at this time. He was chatting it up with the dudes from his team at the park - he wanted to show them around FARAWAY, because most of them were from the cities closer to school.

He was laughing at some joke someone made which he couldn’t remember anymore when he happened to turn his head and meet eyes with AUBREY.

She looked horrible. Her hair was unkempt, her bow was losing its color, and her dress was tattered. She looked heartbroken but not enough to cry - just empty, sort of like HERO, but still with hope left behind. Her expression had a begging solicitation to it. It was like she was asking him. She was asking him to take her away.

He held his breath. His mind went into a haze. His smile had faded away. Everything in the background became a blur and he could only see her amidst the daze. AUBREY, standing there by herself, alone, afraid, terrified, hopeless, pleading. It pushed onto his heart.

Oh. The weight. That’s what that feeling was about.

He looked away. He went back to chatting with his buddies. One of them asked what was up and he shrugged it off. The weight became heavier and his heart felt like it was going to burst out. But he smiled and grit through it. Because that was preferable to the pain he might receive from trying to bear the weight with AUBREY together.

A few minutes later, he glanced at where she was standing. She was gone.

Sometimes, it is hard to believe that his life completely changed because of the death of one person. One person he wasn’t related to. One person he had honestly never cared that much for.

MARI was nice and wise and kind. She seemed perfect in a lot of ways. She was also scary when she was angry. He thought she was a great person to be around; but being much younger, he never could find a real emotional connection with her. Not as much as with SUNNY, her brother, at least.

He remembered the year leading up to her suicide. (Suicide. Yes. He repeated it. It was a suicide.) It was much like his current situation; their friend group falling apart and decimating itself slowly, but still maintained by a crumb of hope. A hope for MARI to return. A hope that SUNNY will get better and overcome his trauma. There was a sense that it was merely a temporary slump, which is why the weight did not exist for KEL back then. He had AUBREY with him. HERO came back, too. On that last day with her when they had their final picnic, there was a feeling which truly permeated everyone's minds; everything was going to be okay.

With a death, that hope scattered away into thin air. Only desolate permanence crept in. No longer just a phase; this was it. They could no longer hope to have their old life back. Their right to hope had been taken away. They didn’t even deserve to be healed.

KEL had changed little, but those around him did, and KEL always followed along to the whims of others. That was something he admired about AUBREY; she never compromised her own life for the sake of others. KEL was different. HERO’s life was KEL’s life and vice versa. What he did, KEL knew was good. What he didn’t, bad.

When HERO stopped living as a person and ceased to do anything, KEL too, in a way, stopped living.

MARI was like a magnet. She attracted every person she came across. She made an impact - small or big - in every being she came in contact with. And that impact was contagious. HERO used to be a nervous wreck, who even KEL took pity on occasionally. He called him HERO almost as a joke. Then MARI entered his life and HERO actually became KEL’s hero. Without MARI, he wouldn’t have had his HERO.

One person, one death. Untold hurt, unsung loss. Nothing more. Just empty hurt.

Was MARI going through this same pain when she hanged herself in that backyard?

He saw AUBREY again for the first time in months. Donning a cool jacket with bubblegum pink hair. Together with her new cronies. He almost didn’t recognize her, but he’d know those eyes anywhere, even if she tried to cover it up with contact lenses.

But it didn’t help that he also found her stomping BASIL on the ground.

KEL and BASIL had maintained a relatively good relation through this time. They said hello to each other at school, they took notes for each other, and even exchanged some words when they passed by each other at lunch. BASIL always looked like something was wearing him down. Maybe it was the same kind of weight that pushed down on KEL’s chest?

But here he was, crying on the tuft of grass behind the school, AUBREY ready to land her feet on his stomach yet again.

Without thinking, he ran and blocked her way, pushing BASIL slightly in the process. KEL apologized and tried to help BASIL up, and turned his head to AUBREY while doing so. She looked absolutely appalled. Rage filled her fake teal eyes, like they were about to spill tears at any time. She raised her bat, which KEL hadn’t even noticed until then, and he held his arms out yet again. They exchanged silent glares.

Then, without saying anything, AUBREY turned around and walked away from the scene. Her goons followed. BASIL’s sobs attracted KEL’s attention to him again. KEL tried to help him up yet again but he just cried, clutching his chest; the photo album they all used to look at together, absent.

HERO told KEL to shut the fuck up.

He said KEL was an unloving piece of shit.

Said it should’ve been him instead of her.

KEL didn’t realize bringing up her name would do that. He didn’t know what to do. HERO pushed him and he fell on the ground. He looked up. The person he used to look up to - the person who KEL based his life around, who he trusted with his life - looked imposing, terrifying like a beast. For the first time in his life, KEL genuinely felt scared if HERO was going to hit him. It had never happened before but it was an instinctual reaction induced by the terror. KEL lost control and began crying. He held his head and buried his face on the floor. He couldn’t say anything back.

Because HERO was right. How could he say anything back when HERO was right? HERO was always right.

When he looked up, HERO was surrounded by their parents. They were hugging him and asking him things and KEL couldn’t hear any of that. Their eyes met. HERO’s face was in dismay; mortified at what he had just done. He looked like he wanted to punch himself.

HERO pushed his parents away and ran up to KEL. KEL, again, instinctively cowered in fear. But then he was held tightly by HERO, who began weeping with him. KEL loosened up his muscles and let himself be embraced by his brother; his buddy. They had called themselves that ever since they were young. Because they were each other’s best buddies. KEL had stopped doing that long ago, but HERO would slip into it again every once in a while.

HERO hugged him and sobbed. He whispered.

“I’m sorry, buddy. I’m so sorry.”

Years more passed by.

He kept playing basketball. He was good at that. It kept his mind off of other things. Bad thoughts.

He ran into BASIL, and they would never exchange more than a few words. Sometimes he would see AUBREY and her gang beating him up and he would interrupt. She always left without saying anything.

HERO got better. He left for college. He called KEL on the phone multiple times every week. HERO always made an effort to ask him about school and his friends and make general chit chat. It bothered KEL because he clearly didn’t want to do it but he was only doing it to make up for that night. To make up for a mistake KEL had already forgiven him for. HERO was never the same after MARI passed and he was never the same after that night.

MARI was dead but life went on.

AUBREY had changed but life went on.

BASIL was hurt but life went on.

HERO was empty but life went on.

Life should go on for KEL, too. He had his new friends, his new life. He was told he could even get a college grant with his talent at basketball. His new friends were never as thoughtful as SUNNY or as annoyingly funny as AUBREY or even as nice as BASIL, but they were good people. He could live like a normal kid his age would. Go to college, get a girl, maybe try to achieve his dreams by leaving town for the big leagues and fail, come back to his crummy old suburban neighborhood and get a job. That sounded alright.

AUBREY had left her old life. She might be bad now but at least she had moved on. KEL should too, right? He should just forget about MARI and SUNNY. He had done a good job so far, anyway.

...Screw that.

It’s been a long 3 years. It’s been 3 years of KEL running away from everything. It’s been 3 years of pretending as if MARI didn’t mean anything to him - but of course she did. They were friends. She told him he was the bond that tied his friends together. He’ll never forget that. But what was he doing right now? Not tying them back together, that was for sure.

It’s been 3 years of pretending AUBREY had changed - that she had turned her ways towards evil, that she had become an irredeemable demon. That she wasn’t worth his trouble. It’s been 3 years of not actually addressing her problem with BASIL. 3 years of hoping she’ll just stop, because he didn’t want to have to talk to either of them for more than 5 minutes at a time, lest the weight came back.

It’s been 3 years of believing HERO had moved on from MARI. 3 years of believing he had gotten his brother back. All those years thinking normalcy had returned to his joke of a life. But no one had moved on. Life went on and they were still hurt. The scars didn’t go away. It didn’t go away from HERO’s voice, whenever he called KEL on the phone. Loss doesn't just erase itself.

It’s been 3 years of thinking SUNNY wasn’t also going to kill himself.

That was going to change.

Maybe he had done it already. KEL promised to himself that if that were the case, he would never forgive himself. He prayed to a god he never believed in as he ran from school across the streets, passing right by his own house. Praying, ‘please, don’t be too late. Please let him answer.’

He let go of AUBREY. He let go of BASIL. HERO let go of him. He wanted to let go of all of them too. He wanted to let go of SUNNY. Then he remembered that funeral. Of course he remembered every detail, vividly. He remembered SUNNY’s eyes, stripped of life, because that was the last time he ever saw SUNNY. An intrusive thought invaded KEL’s mind that night. An image that would haunt him to this very day, which he identified as the source of the weight on his chest. An image of SUNNY in his room, noose by his neck, about to kick the chair -

Before he knew it, he stood in front of the house of the SUZUKI family.

A knock couldn’t hurt.

AUBREY was alone.

Everyone was gone. SUNNY stopped coming to school. She understood why he would lock himself in. She wouldn’t want to be reminded of anything, either. (She wished she could isolate herself from the world like that, too.) She hadn’t seen HERO in weeks. Who knows what the hell happened to him. BASIL had closed himself off and won’t talk to anyone anymore. At least she gets to see his face, though. She found some comfort in that.

But who hurt her the most was KEL.

He was stupid and annoying and ugly and STUPID, but she was all he had for that time when MARI had locked herself in. He was the only one who made an effort to be with her, talk to her, or just stay by her side. During that time, she thought he was even cool. Sure, he was still insensitive, and called her weird when that thing happened with SUNNY, but she knew he meant well. There was this sense that even if the others go away, the two could stick together, no matter what.

KEL stopped doing all of that when MARI died. He didn’t even go up to her like he used to when they were in the park together. Instead, he always talked to his new friends. Why did he act like she wasn’t there? Why did he act like MARI meant nothing? Was it because something happened to HERO? She had no idea, but she just wanted him to be there again. It didn’t matter if it was stupid, ugly KEL. She needed someone here. She hadn’t slept in days.

But KEL looked away. They met eyes, she was sure. They remained eye contact for a few seconds and then he looked away, like he didn’t see her. But he did and AUBREY knew. He threw her away, like how her father did, like what her mother was doing; like MARI did.

She ran off, tears falling down from her eyes. Her face grew redder. She went back to her room and buried her face in a pillow. She held her blanket but it wasn’t enough. She instinctively reached out for the fluffy purple object she would always hold onto in times of stress. But Mr. Plantegg wasn’t there. She hadn’t had it ever since they stopped going to the treehouse at SUNNY’s place.

AUBREY cried and cried until it started hurting and then she cried more.

Everything was fucked. Everyone was so fucked.

KEL never looked at her again after that. HERO is still nowhere to be seen; he could be dead for all she knew. She didn’t care. SUNNY was the same, and she was still scared of seeing him. And she was convinced BASIL was now actively avoiding her. That didn’t hurt as much as KEL, though. BASIL was always the sensitive type, so maybe he was still hurt from all this. She wanted to give him space.

So all she had left was MARI. Buried six feet underground, just one step away from where she was standing.

Her headstone read as thus.

“ROSEMARIE SUZUKI

1986 - 2002

OUR DEAREST MARI
THE SUN SHINED BRIGHTER WHEN SHE WAS HERE.”

She stared at the grave. She waited for something to happen, as if it was going to start speaking to her and answer every question for her. Was this the only possible outcome? Could things have been different? If she was there for SUNNY, would he not have attempted? Would the downward spiral not have started? If she went to see MARI herself instead of waiting for HERO to do it like a coward, would she not have done it? How much pain was she holding back? Could AUBREY even begin to understand such pain? Did she think it would be worth it to do this and inflict so much pain on the rest of them?

It was as if MARI held several lifetimes of hurt inside of her - and when she died, she simply passed all of it onto the rest of them.

“MARI, I...”

She started speaking up, but got lost in her words. She couldn’t think properly, let alone talk. Her mind was clouded by so many emotions; confusion, frustration, but most of all, anger. She was so mad. She was absolutely furious at herself for being so powerless. Powerless when her dad left her, and powerless when her mom started beating her. Powerless when she lost her shoe and the rest of them had to find her on the sidewalk, crying because she felt no control in a world that was never fair to her. She was so angry that this kept happening, and that she couldn’t do anything about it.

Did MARI feel this powerless when she had to suffer the consequences of her flaws for the first time in her life? Then, for her, taking her own life was the ultimate expression of control.

She felt tears coming out and ran off. It rained, and she ran back home. She couldn’t tell if the rain dripping down on her face were the same as the tears that came out.

It’s a tough pill to swallow.

AUBREY always knew MARI was a bit of a stuck up for perfectionism. She would criticize AUBREY’s clothes or even the way she walked. It was all in jest, AUBREY thought, and MARI said it in a playful enough manner that neither of them thought too hard about it.

All of that changed when SUNNY tried to kill himself.

Even before she got confirmation from HERO, she had suspected it. Every puzzle piece fell into its right place, and it felt horrifying. AUBREY couldn’t handle the truth and convinced herself it couldn’t have been like that until it was too late.

Here was the truth.

MARI was a hypocrite. She was a selfish narcissist who went and offed herself because of a horrible mistake that she made. She left all of them because she couldn’t handle the truth. She made herself the victim of the story despite being the villain.

She locked herself up in her own little bubble and refused to take responsibility for her wrongdoings. Then she tried to put the blame on SUNNY, using his attempt as her excuse for locking herself in. She escaped from her situation while letting the rest of them hold onto false hope. And in the end, she even took away that little hope they had left. She wallowed in self pity as the rest of them had to suffer the consequences.

SUNNY was getting better. He was hanging out with them more; he was talking more; he spoke about her more often. If MARI truly loved him and cared for all of them, she would have stayed alive. That was the older sister AUBREY knew MARI as; that was the girl she admired. Instead, the girl she saw in that year leading up to her death was pathetic and spineless. Her ego was more important to her than everyone, more important than SUNNY, more important than AUBREY. In the end, she was just like the rest of the bastards that ruined AUBREY’s life. Selfish. She didn’t love her.

If MARI hadn’t already hanged herself, AUBREY would have gone and killed her herself. Bludgeon her face with a bat until she couldn’t be recognized as ROSEMARIE SUZUKI anymore. Maybe then, AUBREY could forget about the person she really was and only remember as the girl she looked up to.

Good riddance. She doesn’t want to think about that bitch ever again.

And the hardest thing about it was that AUBREY had to admit that the person she saw in MARI was a facade. It was hard because she didn’t want to admit that. She didn’t want to admit that MARI could’ve been a bad person. And that selfish desire of hers built up until the worst probable scenario transpired.

AUBREY hated MARI. But most of all, she hated herself. Could she ever forgive herself for that? Or will she go down the same road as MARI?

That thought terrified her. That she was no better than her.

AUBREY couldn't sleep. She was just so mad.

She couldn’t stop having this dream where she beat MARI to a pulp. She wasn’t sure what started it but once she hit her once on the face, MARI was on the ground and writhing in pain. After the second hit on her stomach, she began crying and apologizing. That triggered AUBREY to go off in a flurry of attacks, with each impact resulting in a sob from MARI. She was still weeping and slurring through her words. AUBREY didn’t care and continued stomping as she spewed curses out. ‘Forgive me’ are the last things AUBREY heard from MARI when she delivered a kick to her face that smashed her right eyeball and the cries stopped. AUBREY didn’t stop, though, and the only sounds she heard after that were the ugly noises of flesh being bludgeoned.

Then SUNNY showed up and saw what she did. Before AUBREY could explain herself, he cried and ran away and she chased after him. It wasn’t really clear where this all took place, but the end of her chase always led back to the backyard of SUNNY’s home. He wasn’t there anymore and AUBREY saw MARI hanged on a tree. AUBREY fell to her knees sobbing. She said sorry for all the bad things she said about her. She apologized for not being there for her and that she didn’t mean any of this.

Then she woke up. She was furious again. She couldn’t believe she would let herself stoop that low in her dream, getting so emotionally vulnerable to the point she begged for forgiveness to that selfish cunt. She tried to go to sleep again but the same dream would occur and rinse and repeat.

She couldn’t take this anymore, so she rose up. She made sure to not make any noises as she made her way over to the bathroom. In there she tried to turn the lights on but they wouldn’t work. AUBREY squinted her eyes in the dark and looked for a bottle in the cupboards. She found her mom’s sleeping pills - that’s what she was looking for. She opened the cap with ease and looked inside; there weren't many left. She put all of it in her mouth and gulps it down with sink water. She looked at herself in the mirror.

It’s a tough pill to swallow.

So annoying. The chatter inside the classroom was going to drive AUBREY crazy. She couldn’t even listen to the lesson. She had been trying to keep up with her grades. She was going to prove that she was better than MARI. She wasn’t going to end up like her.

She heard something about someone smelling. Something about someone going on a date. Shut up. Something about how the teacher looks. He didn’t even budge at that. Something about how boring the class is. God, shut up. Someone made a joke and everybody laughed. She couldn’t even tell what’s being said now. The teacher tried to raise his voice through the cacophony. You shut up too. Oh my god, everyone just shut the hell up.

It made her remember all the things people said when MARI died. All the little chatter that AUBREY noticed more than usual. Terrible, horrible things; though, compared to the stuff she said, it was nothing.

“My, did you hear about the SUZUKI girl?”

“I heard she committed suicide.”

“Hung up on a tree. What a gruesome thing. Poor girl.”

“She was such a bright one too.”

“She helped me cross the street, once. What a pretty smile she had.”

“I didn’t see her at all for a year until I heard the news.”

“If she was so kind, how could she do that to her parents?”

“They must have raised her wrong. Kids who do that, they’re always from a bad family.”

“She had a little brother, didn’t she? Poor boy...”

“Such a shame, that one is - the Lord will never forgive her.”

“I hope my kid would never do something so selfish.”

“GOD, SHUT UP! COULD ALL OF YOU JUST PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP?!”

Everyone was looking at AUBREY. Their eyes were wide open. The teacher looked more worried than appalled. She was breathing in and out harshly. She didn’t even realize she stood up while saying that. Her vision went dark. She couldn’t even cry.

She had to stand outside of the classroom after that. And then she got called to the guidance counselor’s office. A woman she had never seen before sat in the room, who greeted AUBREY. She looked younger than most of the other teachers she knew. AUBREY sat down and they began with some small chat. When she asked her about what happened in class, AUBREY just said she had a bad day. She successfully dodged around the counselor’s questions, despite the woman’s insistence.

The counselor sighed. She put down her files on her knees and looked at AUBREY, eye to eye.

“AUBREY, look... I have looked at your grades, I’ve looked at your report cards. You seem like a bright girl.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“So if there is anything troubling you, you can tell me about it, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Could you tell me?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“That’s not an answer, AUBREY.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“...”

The counselor looked at her files. After a brief moment of silence, she spoke again.

“Is this about SUZUKI? The older girl?”

She looked down. Anger started flowing back again at the mention of her name. But there was a newfound sorrow which overwhelmed her anger. Instead of what she wanted to do - which was to stand up, start yelling at the counselor for daring to bring her up, that she hated MARI and was glad that she was dead - she instead began to sob while lowering her head. The counselor asked what was wrong and offered her a tissue. AUBREY took them, but she didn’t speak another word after that. She was eventually let go.

When she went outside of the office, she heard the bell ring. It was lunch time. AUBREY didn’t feel like eating after that, though. So she went outside and went to the little playground space they had in the back, where kids could play ball. But there was no one there because everyone was eating.

She was about to sit on a bench when she heard a voice call out from behind.

“Yo.”

AUBREY turned around and saw... KIM. The short girl with the loud voice and red glasses. She would get into fights with KEL a lot which always amused AUBREY. But she thought KIM was sorta just as annoying as KEL and never was friends with her. She also didn’t really feel like talking to anyone.

“What do you want?” AUBREY scoffed.

“What do I want?” KIM said as she approached AUBREY. “What I want are the details, dude! I heard a girl flipped out at a teacher during class and I just had to hear it from the girl herself. And what do I know, it’s AUBERGINE, the cute bubbly girl everyone loves!”

Cute? She hated that this was how people looked at her.

“It wasn’t really about the teacher...” AUBREY looked away.

“Wow, it was about some kid then?”

“No!” AUBREY glared at KIM. “Something just... pissed me off, alright? I don’t know.”

“Yeah, okay.”

KIM sat down on some grass, beneath a tree. AUBREY wanted to sit at the bench but KIM motioned at her to sit next to herself, so AUBREY begrudgingly followed.

“Sometimes you feel like that, huh.” KIM laid down on the grass and faced up at the sky. “You just wanna go apeshit.”

“...I guess.” AUBREY said.

“You know what’s the difference between cool people who feel like that and lame people who do?”

“What?”

“The cool ones actually do it. That’s kinda freaking awesome, AUBREY!” KIM KIM sat up straight and smiled.

“No, it’s not...” AUBREY looked down. “I just lost my temper. I’m not like that, alright?”

“Oh right, you say you’re not like that but the whole school now knows you as the girl who snapped during class. Snappy AUBREY.”

AUBREY covered her face with her hands. “Are you picking a fight?!”

“Nah, dude.” KIM pointed at AUBREY. “I’m here because I wanna be your friend.”

“Huh?” She looked at KIM in disbelief.

“I mean, I always thought you were weird for hanging out with those nerds, KEL and BASIL. But I knew you had something in you and now you did this cool shit. I wanna be around for the next time you do something!”

“I am not going to do anything...”

“Alright, I just wanna hang out though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah?” KIM tilted her head. “I mean, I just told you.”

“But...” AUBREY looked down at the grass, staring at the bugs. “Why? Nobody likes me anymore.”

“Uh, I do, so that’s not true. Also, what happened to your nerd friends?”

“They’re not my friends anymore.” AUBREY turned her head.

“Okay, so that’s awesome, because now I get to be your new best friend.”

KIM stood up and stretched her arms. AUBREY looked up at her and the sunlight blinded her sight. When she covered the light with her hand and looked again, KIM was reaching out her hand. AUBREY took it without thinking much of it and KIM helped her up.

“Come on, dude.” KIM grinned and grabbed AUBREY’s shoulder. “Let’s go fuck some shit up.”

“You mean like... ditch school?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t play hookie!”

“What? Do you still want to be the good girl? I think you’re too late for that, now.”

AUBREY stepped back. She wanted to prove to others that she could be more than MARI, but after what happened today, KIM might have been right. Did AUBREY even need to prove anything? Did she want to be perfect?

No, AUBREY wanted to be uncompromising. She didn’t want to be some goody two shoes like MARI was. She didn’t need to be like MARI to prove that she wouldn’t end up the same. She was going to be her best self. She was going to let her rage out, and she wasn’t going to care if people hated her for it.

“You’re ever steadfast, always fighting for your dreams.”

“You always believe in yourself, but most important of all, you believe in your friends.”

Shut up. She didn’t want to remember that now.

“Uh, earth to AUBREY? AUBERGINE? Miss JORGENSEN?”

“Don’t call me that.”

AUBREY looked up at the sky. She closed her eyes and sighed. She calmed down. Anger was subsiding and in its place only bright determination glowed.

She looked at KIM again. She smirked.

“Alright, KIMBERLY.” She said. “Let’s go fuck shit up.”

KIM grinned again. “That’s what I like to hear.”

AUBREY was walking down the hall after school along with KIM and VANCE. She met VANCE shortly after KIM started following her around. He was much bigger than either of them and she honestly thought he was in his 20’s. But once they started talking, she realized his size was not at all indicative of his character. The dude was a softball whose mind seemed to mostly be occupied by thoughts of taffy.

The three of them had become something of a small gang. Despite KIM’s insistence that they ‘fuck some shit up’, AUBREY didn’t actually want to cause too much trouble and neither did VANCE. So they mostly did some petty harmless stuff, like littering or drawing graffiti on school walls. (KIM was quite the artist, as it turns out.) Most of the student body was already aware of KIM and VANCE’s antics and never dared to approach them or the new kid in her group.

But some did. Three, in fact. The three blocked their way. AUBREY frowned and examined them. One tan skinned guy with an obviously fake blonde wig and unbelievably embarrassing posture; a tiny kid - wait, a kid? - with a pompadour; and a big looking guy whose head was touching the ceiling.

“Evildoers!” Wig guy posed and yelled out. “We are here to serve justice.”

“What?” KIM said.

“You’re the bad guys!” Pompadour kid chimed in. “You’ve been doing awful stuff, haven’t you?”

“What’s this kid saying?” KIM looked at AUBREY. AUBREY shrugged.

“Yes, this is true, disciple.” Wig guy grabbed the kid’s shoulder. “We have been heeding rumors of lunch money being stolen. Your little gang could be the only culprits, am I right?”

“What?” KIM raised her tone. She sounded baffled. “Look, what the hell is your p-”

“WE SHALL NOT LISTEN TO YOUR VILLAIN MONOLOGUE!” Wig guy posed.

“It’s not a monologue, jackass!” KIM yelled. “I was trying to say-”

“The Champions of Justice shall carry out justice, with no hesitation!”

“Yeah! Champions of Justice, that’s what we are!” As pompadour kid said this, wig guy looked proud of himself.

The three of them started closing the gap between the two groups. The yelling had attracted the attention of the other students, who were gathering around to witness the commotion. Some cheered and egged on for a fight. This seemed to hype the wig and pompadour dudes but absolutely infuriated KIM. She started walking towards them too, her head tilted and hands in her pocket, and VANCE followed. They were about to collide when AUBREY jumped in and blocked KIM’s way, much to her surprise.

AUBREY looked at the wig guy. He seemed just as surprised as anyone. She glared at him and he flinched. Something was going through her veins. It was something she hadn’t felt in a long time. It wasn’t anger, it wasn’t destructive. It was protective - her body just moved on its own to shield her friends. It reminded her of when she used to do this for BASIL; when he was so frail and tiny that the other guys made fun of him. When they hadn’t met SUNNY and the others, AUBREY was all he had. It’s not like KIM was that small or couldn’t handle herself in a fight, so it was more like muscle memory than anything else. She was reminded of her old memories, and it made her emotional for no apparent reason.

“If you hurt my friends, you are going to get it.”

Wig guy backed up and tried to stutter something out. Pompadour kid seemed to take this as a queue to attack, and he tried to throw a chop at KIM from the side. After that hit, it was the sign of an all-out brawl. KIM retaliated back and VANCE joined, throwing punches, most of which the pompadour kid dodged. But KIM was fast and grabbed onto him and pushed him.

Wig guy looked in shock, like he didn’t think this was going to happen. When the pompadour kid was pushed onto the floor, the wig guy made his move and walked in closer. But before he could get to him, AUBREY headbutted him from the behind and they both fell to the ground. The bigger guy of their group didn’t seem to move an inch, which relieved AUBREY slightly since she thought he’d be the toughest.

This went on for a few minutes. By the end, all parties were bruised up and lying on the ground. The crowd surrounding them was now massive in size. VANCE was crouching because he took a critical hit to the gut and KIM was helping him up. Her face was contorted in anger. Wig guy was essentially knocked out on the ground with his consciousness slowly fading away from AUBREY’s barrage of headbutts. Unfortunately, that attack also did damage to herself, so she was lying down on the ground, looking up at the ceiling, unable to move. The pompadour kid sat in the middle, and he noticed his nose was bleeding.

That’s when the pompadour kid started crying. He yelped like a little kid and that took the adrenalin out of all present company. Some spectators clicked their tongues and some seemed to go away now that the fight was seemingly over. The big guy finally moved and comforted the pompadour kid, hugging him. His sobs became quieter after that.

AUBREY turned her head to look at this. She turned the other way to see KIM and VANCE, whose eyes were fixated on the hug as well. She looked at the ceiling again. She began chuckling. Her chuckles turned that into a giggle and her giggle turned into an uproarious laughter. She covered her face with her hands and just kept laughing. Everyone was looking at her now, including the pompadour kid and the big guy.

She found this situation absolutely hilarious. They just beat each other up, and for what? They never stole lunch money. KIM wouldn’t do that; and if she did, AUBREY would probably beat her up first. Also, they beat up a freaking kid, and he started crying like he was looking for mommy. And AUBREY was on the ground, her head aching in pain because she headbutted a guy too hard. That hadn’t happened in years. It all reminded her of old times, but it no longer made her sad. It was oddly nostalgic in a way.

She heard another set of laughter. She looked over to KIM and VANCE, who had sat down next to her, and was joining her. She heard another giggle. It was pompadour kid, and the big guy was smirking too. Wig guy had just woken up and looked around in confusion. AUBREY laughed harder.

KIM later explained to them finally that they were not the ones stealing lunch money. Wig guy also admitted that he had never intended on actually fighting and reprimanded the other kid for jumping in. AUBREY got the impression they weren’t really bad dudes; kinda stupid, but she used to know plenty of stupid kids.

Wig guy introduced himself as THE MAVERICK, but she later learned that his name was MIKHAIL. Pompadour kid was called ANGEL and the big guy was actually a girl named CHARLIE. By the time they introduced themselves, the crowd had dissipated and the observers went about on their business. The six of them went to the park together, where they spent some time chatting. KIM and THE MAVERICK still got on each other’s throats but much more playfully. They all got along with ANGEL. He wasn’t some kid blackmailed to do MIKHAIL’s bidding; he was just a kid who thought he was an actually cool guy. AUBREY and CHARLIE hit it up nicely. She appreciated quiet people. They sat next to each other and watched the other four bicker and laugh at each other.

They were good guys. They reminded her of her old friends. Made her think of MARI again.

AUBREY walked into the cemetery. Her newly dyed pink hair fluttered as the wind blew by. She stood in front of her grave for the first time in months. The last time she had been here, she was weak. She cleared her throat and began speaking.

“Hey, MARI. It’s been a long time, huh.”

AUBREY paused. She got some words out - this was already an improvement. She looked down at the grave and continued.

“I want to apologize first. A year ago, I ran away from here and said some bad things about you. I’ve had time to think since then, though.”

She stopped again. She thought for a second on what to talk about. She decided she should act as if she was really speaking to her; even though she knew that could never happen again. She turned around and flicked her hair in the direction of the grave.

“See this? KIM dyed my hair pink for me. Remember that? We were gonna do that together. Me pink, you purple.”

She remembered the day when that happened, and it sank her again. It was only a few days from the recital, too. She remembered how bright MARI was in those days. Before AUBREY’s illusion broke down.

“Oh yeah, KIM is my new best friend.” She tried to change the topic. “I thought she was annoying at first but she’s actually cool and smart when it comes down to it. There’s also her brother VANCE. He seemed scary at first, but he’s just a silly guy at heart.”

She chuckled, like a girl giddy to talk about her new friends to her mother.

“Then there are those stooges, MIKHAIL and ANGEL. I don’t really consider them friends yet - they just stick around. ANGEL’s friend CHARLIE is sweet though, once you get to know her.”

She smiled. She wondered if MARI would be happy to hear all of this. Despite the terrible things she said about her, she selfishly hoped MARI would forgive her. Even though AUBREY couldn’t forgive her.

“I have all these new things going on for me, MARI. New friends, new life, new dreams... But whenever I try to sleep at night, I always come back to you. I can’t seem to forget, no matter what I do.”

She put her hands in her pocket and looked down at the grave again. She could imagine MARI’s face as she heard all of this.

“What you said to me the day before still haunts me, you know. It really wasn’t cool of you to do something like that. Tell us all that and just... leave. But I think I want to leave anger behind me.”

She sighed. She closed her eyes.

“I was so mad at you, MARI. I couldn’t believe you did this to us. I still can’t, and I’m still angry. I don’t think I can ever bring myself to forgive you. But you had your reasons, didn’t you? I’ve gone through so much since all of this... pain began growing inside of me. And now I think I understand. It’s not good for me to try and forget it all. I can’t forgive you, but maybe I can learn how to do that.”

She opened her eyes. She was only greeted by dirt and a clean tombstone, of course. She crouched down, as if doing that would take her closer to MARI just a little bit; like it would help her words reach her better.

“That bastard KEL seemed to have forgotten all about us, though. I hope he rots in hell. HERO was in a slump for some time but I’ve seen him around recently. I think he’s leaving for college now. I don’t know what happened to SUNNY... That’s you and me both, huh?”

She lowered her head in contemplation.

“BASIL... He’s the only one I feel like I can approach still. He was my first friend, you know. Such a sweet guy. I wanted to be friends with him the moment I saw him. I’m so glad to have been friends with him, and I want us to be close again. I know he won’t hurt me.”

She sweeped away some of the dust that she noticed. She stood up. She looked down at the grave again.

“I’m going to start coming here more now, okay? Please forgive me for all the stuff I’ve said. I can’t say I didn’t mean it, but... You understand, don’t you?”

She turned around. She looked behind her.

“Please pray for me, MARI. I’ll pray for you from now on, too.”

It wasn’t difficult to talk to BASIL again. It was difficult to get him to talk, though.

When AUBREY simply walked up to him after school and practically begged him to let her hang out with him, he offered no resistance. He didn’t seem to recognize her at first until she spoke up, though, and that got AUBREY down a little.

BASIL said he was on his way to his home, and AUBREY suggested she could come over. Maybe look at the photo album or something. He seemed extremely hesitant to say yes, but even more hesitant to say no to a girl wielding a baseball bat. So he just continued on his way without muttering an actual reply (more like a hum) and she followed him.

AUBREY thought BASIL’s grandmother would open the door for them, as she always did when they came over, but instead she saw a young woman she had never seen before. She looked surprised to see AUBREY and not BASIL, but he quickly stepped in front of her to introduce the two to each other. The woman’s name was POLLY, the new caretaker of BASIL’s grandmother. Once BASIL introduced AUBREY as an ‘old friend’, the apprehensive look on POLLY’s face disappeared and she greeted both of them with a smile.

“BASIL doesn’t have many friends over, you know.” POLLY said.

“Yeah. I know.” AUBREY replied, smiling as she did.

POLLY giggled. “Then I’ll let you two be.”

AUBREY could swear the amount of flowers had increased since she last visited his room. She sat down on the carpet, cross legged, and soaked the smell of plants in. BASIL stood awkwardly at the doorway and fidgeted.

“I could ask POLLY to make some tea? If you’d want some?” He sounded like he was asking this question to himself.

“Yeah. Sure.”

He dragged his legs and left for the living room. AUBREY took this moment to snoop around a bit more. She stood up and started looking for the photo album; she could ask him about it, but maybe she could surprise him. The look on his face would be priceless.

She approached the drawer with the camera on top of it. It would only make sense for it to be under here. She opened the drawer and lo and behold - there was the album. She excitedly sat it down on the bed. The inscription “BASIL’s MEMORIES” made her feel nostalgic. She opened the book and started flipping through. The pictures filled her with even more nostalgia for better days. Seeing pictures of herself especially made her tear up; BASIL always did say she was photogenic, but considering how much she’s changed her look since then, it was like looking at a stranger.

But as she flipped through the pages, her heart began to sink. A picture with MARI on it had her face blackened with marker. Perhaps it was an accident? (It was clearly human-inflicted, but she chose to ignore that for now.)

She went through each page and an accident seemed to become a pattern. Her tears couldn’t stop spilling. Not because of overwhelming nostalgia but because of overflowing rage. It was clear at this point that he had done this.

What the fuck?

Why would BASIL desecrate their memories like this? Ruin the remnants of the most precious moments of their lives? These pictures which he took himself? She held the album in her chest and turned towards the door while crying her eyes out. He was there. He dropped the plate with two cups on the floor. The cups shattered to pieces with a piercing noise. He began stuttering something but AUBREY pushed him aside. She tightly clenched the album in her chest as she ran towards the exit, ignoring the voices calling out her name from behind. She ran and ran, until she was back in her rotten palace that she called a home. She buried her face in her pillow, still not letting go of the album; her memories.

Sick, sick, sick. He was sick. She would never let go of this anger. She was so done with all of this. She wanted to let go of her rage; but this was unforgivable. She was going to make him pay. She didn’t care anymore. No compromises, no take backs. It’s like the world was making fun of her for even trying to make amends. But she was going to let the world have it then; she would let herself become the villain. She was furious and she was never going to let it go.

She would show this fucked up world the only thing she’s learned from it.

Hurt people hurt people.

It felt great when she stomped on BASIL. It felt amazing every time he cried out in pain, tears smearing his ugly face. She was right - the look on his face was priceless. Occasionally, his shape would overlap with those of MARI from her dreams. Her empty eyeball spewing blood out, her expression dead like a cadaver’s, and AUBREY about to strike her lifeless corpse yet again. But then BASIL cried again, and MARI’s transparent image disappeared, and he was all that was left. Anger overtook her and she kicked him again.

Before she could strike again, there was another yelling voice and a figure blocked her way. KEL stared her down, spreading his arms out to protect BASIL. He looked just as same as ever, but only much taller than how she remembered. He glared at AUBREY, anger visible in his face; a face she had never seen him make before.

Angry? He was ANGRY? That filled her with rage in turn. How dare he be angry at her, when he was the one who turned her away? When he was the one who abandoned her and MARI? AUBREY’s face turned to one of pure fury. KEL took notice of her bat but he only stepped closer to her. He looked at her with equal rage, motioning that he wouldn’t budge.

They stared down each other for what felt like an eternity to her. AUBREY backed off. KEL looked surprised. AUBREY let out a ‘hmph.’ If he didn’t care back then, why would he come back now? He wasn't worth her time. She decided KEL didn’t deserve a fight. She would throw him away, just like he did to her. She would hurt everyone who lied to her about loving her.

AUBREY turned back. KIM and the others followed, who were preparing themselves for a fight until just a moment ago. She heard BASIL’s sobs peter out in the background as she walked away.

KIM sure was taking her sweet time. She was supposed to just go grab a drink. AUBREY leaned her chin against the scooter and closed her eyes, zoning out to the sounds of THE MAVERICK rambling about something incomprehensible again.

She heard a voice yelling out. She opened her eyes and looked to her back. KIM was there and someone smaller was by her side but she couldn’t make them out. But she could make out the person in front of KIM as clear as day; that rodent KEL again. It was hard to even look at his putrid face. If KEL was yelling, that only meant the other insect next to KIM had to be BASIL. She figured she should teach him a lesson again. If KEL tried to intervene, so be it.

“WHAT’S GOING ON OVER THERE?!”

She rolled up to the three of them with a booming yell. KIM explained the situation, to which AUBREY nodded. She gave BASIL a fierce glare and that alone seemed to make him start tearing up and cower in fear. Good. KEL started spewing some shit and AUBREY wasn’t really going to have any of it. She turned her head to at least get a glance of the guy before moving onto her main target. But as she did, she heard something unbelievable.

“Tell her, SUNNY!”

Another figure came into focus, slightly behind KEL. A boy with dead eyes, staring directly at her as if he didn’t recognize who she was. Everything else in her vision became a blur and she could only see the boy, who was still staring at her. Her heart sank deeper and the anger inside of her began to hurt even more. When she blinked, he was still there. She examined him more intently.

He hadn’t changed one bit. Why was he back? She had long forgotten about him. Just as when she was about to leave her old life, its remnants barged into her world yet again. She could ignore KEL. She could pretend BASIL was no longer the boy she knew. But she couldn’t do that to SUNNY. He was the same as ever. Just why? Why would he come back? Why now? Why?! WHY!

Silence continued. She stared SUNNY down, her grip on her nail bat tightening. He was like a spectre; as if he wasn’t even there. The wound in her heart opened up again. She ignored the pain and spoke.

“...SUNNY’s here?”

It’s a tough pill to swallow.

HERO crawled inside his blankets. He ignored the voice behind him. He ignored reality. He swallowed himself in memories.

Memories of her were all that was left. He needed to preserve them. Then she could live on.

A memory.

They were on a ferris wheel. The sunset dyed the interior with an orange hue. She looked out, staring out into the fading sun. The ferris wheel clanked and shook as it ascended.

He looked at her starstruck expression. The crimson reflected on her purple shirt. She looked back at him and smiled. He did, too. She flipped her bangs out of her eyesight. The ferris wheel began descending.

They stayed silent.

When the ferris wheel landed, he blinked. He was in a white space. The only other being was someone on her knees. She had her back turned against him. Everything about her was white except for her hair. He approached her, and she turned her head around. Her eyes were obscured by what seemed like scribbles. She smiled, saying nothing. They stared at each other. He waited for something to happen.

He was tired. He collapsed and closed his eyes, knowing she was by his side.

What could he even do?

Write a poem? A letter? Listen to a sad song? Lie here and cry more?

He stared at a wall in the middle of the night. His eyes were bloodshot and the area below them were black. The wall was never changing and never questioned. An everlasting constant.

There was nothing to do. What he was feeling wasn’t a particular emotion; it was the absence of all feelings. There wasn’t anything he could do to make it go away. It was already away. It wasn’t for making poetry. No art to make, no story to tell. No beautiful arrangement of words or colourful inks on a canvas which could express it. Nothing could capture her.

Images of MARI faded away in his mind. They swirled around and became a blur. It felt like another piece of her disappeared with each moment. It felt like he would lose them if he didn’t try to hold on to them.

These memories - were they even his? What did he own?

Intrusive thoughts invaded his mind amidst his dreams. A voice similar to that of hers whispered.

“You could have saved her. She needed you. She hurt you, so you thought it was fine to give up. But she was in more pain than you have ever been. You’re selfish. You killed her. She was right. It’s always about you, you, you.”

The voice grew sharper.

“Kill yourself.”

He huddled up and went inside his blankets again. He blocked his ears. That didn’t help. Of course it didn’t. It wasn’t an actual voice; he was losing his mind. He chuckled as tears flew out. He wanted to scream, but he didn’t want to wake KEL up. He closed his eyes tight. Tears spewed out through his eyelids. He held himself, shaking. Trembling in his own personal hell.

Hell isn’t where you go after death. Hell is what the death of a loved one does to you. Hell is grief.

Poetry doesn’t work. So he would do it this way.

ROSEMARIE. That’s the name that her mother gave her. People called her MARI.

Born March 1st, on a warm spring afternoon.

Her father was a Japanese immigrant who married an American in his home country. She was born after they came to the States.

When she was 10, her grandfather passed away. They moved to the suburban town of FARAWAY, California.

He met her on July 16th, the day she transferred, at a home ed cooking class.

She had a little brother named SUNNY. A quiet and kindhearted boy who looked up to HERO. She loved him, and he loved her.

MARI changed HERO.

He told her he loved her, on that strange evening by the lake, next to the sunset. She said she did, too. Nothing changed after that. They were always just HERO and MARI and always would be. All they needed was each other.

MARI lived and breathed pressure. She was a workaholic, never satisfied at how much she accomplished. Some people would die to achieve a quarter of what she did in her short life. She didn’t seem like a person who belonged in this world. She continuously pushed herself with no regard for her health.

She played softball. She loved competition and feeling the rush of adrenaline. The wind grazed her skin as she ran, feeling alive and thriving, her lungs chugging and her heart pumping.

She gave up softball when she hurt her knee. She told him everything was fine. She kept her smile. When he was over at her house, he heard her sob in the bathroom.

She found a new passion in piano. She had always loved music. She used to show him her synthesizers. It was the only ‘nerdy’ thing about her, since she hated comic books and movies. (She only watched them to make fun of them.)

She worked until her legs gave out, so she moved on to her hands.

The day she got OMORI was the happiest day of her life, or so it seemed to him. She showed him the majestic grand piano in excitement, revealing it by dramatically throwing the white blanket which covered it away. She played him songs that he had never heard of before. HERO and SUNNY and everyone else sat in the piano room and listened to her music.

Almost as soon as SUNNY got a violin as a present as well, they decided they would perform at a recital together. She had already been winning competitions at a national level. When HERO first heard this, he became worried for SUNNY. But MARI knew what she was doing. She was always right.

The night before the recital, SUNNY tried to kill himself. HERO heard sirens and saw the red lights of an ambulance. He saw MARI weeping and her world falling apart.

MARI locked herself in a room. She blamed herself and cut off everyone around her.

After 1 year, she came out. She visited all of them.

Then she killed herself. She was 16.

MARI was 16, loved jokes and had the brightest smile in the world, and she killed herself.

MARI was 16, held more love inside her heart than anybody he knew, and she killed herself.

MARI was 16. She loved her brother, and he loved her. HERO loved her and she killed herself.

No. He killed her.

Things she could have gone on to do.

She will never go onto be a famous musician, beloved worldwide. A taste of fame and recognition she always sought for in life.

She will never watch her younger brother grow and become a fine man. She will never attend his wedding or be there for him at his happiest moments in life.

She will see none of her friends have their best lives. She will never get to have her life, either. She took it away from herself.

She will never get to enjoy the sensation of grass touching her skin, or sunlight greeting her cheeks through the window in the morning. She will never laugh or cry or get mad. She will never hear her favorite songs again, or get to read her favorite authors’ new works. She can never sit down on the sofa and lean against his shoulder and let his fingers brush up against her hair again.

He will never see her again. They won’t ever have that life that they always wanted to have together.

Did he even deserve to go on, trying to live a normal life without her?

He came to his senses. He heard his parents asking about something, but he couldn’t hear. KEL was in front of him, cowering down on the ground. He was crying. His brother - his little buddy - was crying.

No time to think. He rushed towards him and hugged him. He told him he was sorry.

He couldn’t lose him too. Not him. You can take anyone. You can take everybody else. Just not him. You took MARI, don’t take KEL away too. Not him.

Can someone still be with you even when they're gone?

He knew this would be the last time he’d see her in this white space.

She stood up for the first time. He looked at her smile one last time. A hollow, copy-pasted image from a memory of a bygone time. But in her fake smile, he could see a resemblance of the real person. His chest felt warm. He almost wanted to convince himself it was really her. They stared at each other for what felt like centuries. But he didn’t collapse.

The next moment he knew, she was gone. The white space came crashing down. He stood as his fantasies crumbled. Only patterns would remain.

He woke up. His eyelids were wet with tears. He sat up and wiped his eyes.

She was gone. MARI was dead, and she wasn’t coming back. She was never alive in his memories. Memories were just that. Memories. She was already gone.

He went outside for the first time in a year.

The bus was still on schedule.

He would leave for college tomorrow.

They were staying up all night, watching movies. KEL had fallen asleep by his side on the sofa. He decreased the volume and turned the closed captions on. He put a blanket over KEL. The light coming out from the television spread across the living room.

He scanned the room. The campfire was smoldering and barely radiated any light. Above it were his awards. He had long forgotten what they were for, but he remembered how she would tease him about them. The houseplant’s blue tinge could be seen even from the dark. She loved that one - she would take a sniff of it every time she visited. The telephone near the television loomed solemnly. He remembered how she would occasionally pick up calls for him; he'd blush and cover his ears, waiting to be embarrassed, but she somehow handled it better than he could, and passed on anything he needed to know to him.

Pieces of her, scattered all across his life. Her patterns still remained.

An old SWEETHEART movie started on screen. He stopped his line of thinking and turned his mind off for a moment, trying to fall asleep to the movie. But he couldn’t because of how absurd it got. It was cheesy melodrama and hyper over-reactions from the actors from beginning to end. He chuckled.

It got to a hilarious scene, in which every men vying for SWEETHEART’s love came to a standoff. He remembered how she loved this scene. When one man drew a gun out of nowhere, he expected to hear MARI’s laugh by his side, as she always did at that scene. When he didn’t hear her, he turned around in shock. She wasn’t there. There was only a snoring KEL.

His chest hurt. He clenched it. He breathed in and out to calm down. Not working. Tears ran down his cheeks. He choked, then coughed. He covered his face with his hands. His tears poured down without sound. Only sniffles came out.

Her patterns remained.

Years went by.

She was 16, and he was, too.

He was 19 now.

But she was still 16.

It always hurt to come back home. He got off the bus and walked across the street. Glass reflected light towards him. Her pieces were reflected upon him.

He wanted to go straight home. But there was something he had to do. He moved in the direction of the park. Somewhere he hasn’t been to in a long time. It had been too long.

As he went through the trees, he heard yelling. He ran. He saw KEL about to dive into the lake and someone he recognized as AUBREY on her knees, crying. He pushed KEL aside. Before he could even hear an explanation, HERO dove.

“You can’t do this to me,” he thought inside the water. “I said you could take anyone else away. But I didn’t mean them.”

SUNNY drifted in the water. His eyes were closed and his skin was pale, like her lifeless cadaver. Her patterns etched onto him. He grabbed SUNNY and reached in further. BASIL sank deeper. His face was contorting in pain. HERO grabbed him as well. He held both boys in his arms and swam up. They say the human body finds inconceivable strength in times of crisis. He supposed this was one of those times. Because when he came back out from the water, his heart was pumping like he was about to die.

He laid the two boys down on the ground. He checked for SUNNY’s pulse. He could feel it, and that didn’t comfort his mind. SUNNY looked like he was already dead. His peaceful expression reminded him of the funeral. He remembered her face, surrounded by lilies of the valley. A memory which was ingrained into him permanently. A pattern of hers which permeated his life forever.

SUNNY’s eyes began to open. HERO sighed in relief. He smiled. SUNNY looked confused - like he was expecting to see someone else - but HERO couldn’t care to ask about that, and other thoughts rushed through him instead.

“Oh thank god, he’s alive.” He thought, his heart still pounding. “He’s still alive.”

It had been a long day. They made a dad and his son happy, played hide and seek with the twins, and fixed a marriage. They were out on an adventure, like they were kids again. Doing these things would never fill the hole inside of him. But he was with SUNNY again. Maybe things could go on like those days again. Maybe they deserved to heal after all.

Maybe he could move on. It was a ludicrous notion but he wanted to believe in it.

It was late into the night, and they were having a sleepover at SUNNY’s house. He led them to where they would be sleeping. HERO remarked on how nostalgic it was for him as he walked across the house. At the stairway, they stopped. He once again said his thoughts out loud - closet to the left, piano room to the right.

The piano room. It hurt to say.

“I wonder if the piano is still there. I’ll go on ahead and see.”

A meaningless question. He knew it’d be there.

He opened the door. He was convinced nobody had opened ever since that day. The room was dark but he could still see clearly. Boxes were everywhere. Notes were attached to them, and papers with music notated on them were haphazardly spilled on the floor. Flowers were scattered on the floor, too. And in the middle was the piano. It was collecting dust. The window behind it had moonlight coming through.

This space preserved her last moments. It contained all of her pain. All of her agony still cried out here. Patterns remaining.

He couldn’t stand being there any longer. He went out and closed the door. SUNNY and KEL were staring at him.

“It’s not there,” he told them. “Let’s go to bed, you guys.”

They nodded. HERO took charge and went up the stairs. He looked behind him. Only KEL was behind him. SUNNY stared at the door to the piano room. KEL called out to him, and he followed the two of them upstairs. They went upstairs to his room and went to sleep.

He woke up in the middle of the night.

He looked around. KEL was there, snoring. The sight comforted him. At least KEL was alright. He felt KEL was never the same after that night. He hurt MARI, and he hurt KEL too. He was truly a sick person. Why he thought he deserved to heal eluded him. But as long as they continued to live, things would be fine.

He was too caught up in his own mourning that he never checked up on SUNNY. Any pain that he could have been going through all these years, SUNNY must have been experiencing in ten folds. Yet he was not the one to reach out; KEL was. He was proud of his brother, and at the same time, disgusted with himself.

But they were all here, now. Maybe they could even make up with their other two friends. Would MARI be happy to see that? As this question took over his sleep-deprived mind, he looked over to SUNNY’s bed.

He was gone. Where did he go? Oh my god. Where was he?

A terrible thought instead overtook HERO's previous line of thinking. A memory of SUNNY’s lifeless form after being pulled out from that lake struck him. Different images overlapped in his mind. SUNNY bleeding out with a knife stuck in his abdomen; SUNNY choking as he flailed around, instinctively trying to get the noose on his neck off; SUNNY drowning in that lake, if HERO had been too late to the scene.

He headed downstairs. He frantically moved his eyes around. But they stopped at where the piano room was.

The door was open.

He carefully approached the room. SUNNY was there. He was standing in front of the piano. HERO’s footsteps woke him up from whatever that he was in the middle of. He looked behind and they looked at each other.

“You scared me there, SUNNY.”

SUNNY looked like nothing. It was always hard for HERO to tell what the boy was thinking of; he never showed his emotions on his face. But it was almost scary this time. The empty light in his eyes shined in the dark room as they stared deep into HERO.

HERO saw the piano behind him.

“I’m sorry I lied to you. You didn’t deserve that.”

HERO said, not taking his eyes off of SUNNY.

“It hurt to see. Looking at this room is like... looking at her body. It hurt so much, that day at her funeral. I didn’t want you to go through that again.”

SUNNY continued to stare at him. HERO swore he saw him nodding slightly.

“You should really get some rest. Go upstairs. I’ll come join you in a bit.”

HERO put on a reassuring smile. SUNNY hesitated for a moment. He glanced behind him at the piano for a few seconds. Then he walked past SUNNY, out of the room. He closed the door behind him. HERO was alone.

He sighed in relief. At least he was now sure SUNNY didn’t want to do the same thing as his sister. He just didn’t believe HERO when he said the piano was gone - and for good reason, since it was his house after all.

He looked around the room again. He still felt sick in his stomach. He looked at the piano. He swiped the dust off of the lid. Somehow, none of the dust had gotten itself on the name engraved in the middle: OMORI. He put his hand on the lid.

A final memory struck him. She was hugging him and telling him three words, repeatedly. He didn’t know what to say back. Feelings overwhelmed him, and he hugged her back. He didn’t even remember what he did tell her back then. He just knew it wasn’t what he wanted to say. And now, he would never be able to tell her the right words. He could never tell her anything again. She was not with them anymore.

He sat down in front of the piano and buried his face in his arms. He sobbed. He finally knew what he wanted to say. Four words, painted in regret. He said those four words back to himself, over and over, as if that would make up for the fact that he could not say them back then. He cried the words out, to which no one heard back, and especially not the one person who he wanted to tell.

He wanted to tell her that he loved her too.

He could just do it.

It would be best to aim for the neck, BASIL thought. It would be painful, but it would ensure his desired outcome. Perhaps he could go for his abdomen, just like SUNNY did. There would be a twisted irony in that. Or he could go for the wrist; old-fashioned, but maybe it’d be the safe bet. Better to make it sure.

It wasn’t like this was the first time he had tried to die.

The bathroom light was dim and weak. They were going to have it replaced soon. The aroma of flowers was nice here. He clenched onto the kitchen knife tightly. His hand was shaking, like it was going to drop onto the floor. The running sink water produced a deafening sound. He reached his other arm into the sink and pointed the knife towards it. Something wrapped around his arm and moved it against his will.

“BASIL, I’m home!”

Shit.

POLLY was here now. He couldn’t do it today, then. He’d rather not freak her out. He could always do it later. The days went by like nothing happened. This was just another day to add up to the tally. One of these days, he was going to do it. No use getting hung up on it when he got around to doing it.

Oh, no. Where would he put the knife now? He turned off the sink.

Next time, he figured he’ll use another sharp object instead. One that wouldn’t look too weird for him to be carrying around.

He wasn’t sure what it was; only that he called it something.

Something may have been what others called ‘clinical’ or ‘psychotic’ depression. But to him, it was just something.

Something was what wrapped around him as he sliced his shoulder with a box cutter.

Something was the voice whispering that he really was as worthless as he believed he was.

Something was the feeling he got when he remembered MARI’s dejected face as he told her she went too far.

Something was the deadly, ever present sense of inevitability that he felt when he woke up every morning. It was the curse of knowledge.

Something didn’t ask, and it didn’t forgive. It always got what it wanted. It was jealous of joy and envious of spite, so the only thing he could feel when it grasped onto him was empty void and fear.

Something was the overwhelming sense of terror and crushing loneliness which he felt every minute of his waking life. Something was a poisoning of consciousness, antagonistic to life. It was the lens he saw the world through, and it filtered his every thought.

Something was the antithesis of happiness and a seizure of agency. It was the indescribable feeling that made every motion of life terrifying to enact. Sitting, walking, eating, talking; something turned each of these activities into a horrifying procedure, making it so that he could never feel safe. It was not just unpleasant, but literally horrible.

Something was his acknowledgement of the truth that MARI killed herself because of his words.

He looked through the biology text he found in the library. He hunkered down and made sure no one could see which part he was looking for.

“Suicide attempts made by cutting the wrist artery are usually unsuccessful if the vessel wall or blood clotting has not changed pathologically.”

Goddamnit.

Flowers need you to be alive.

There’s something about them which satiates a human desire. The desire to be wanted.

BASIL had been a burden all his life. He was nothing but a pest. A bug which ate away the leaves of every life he came across. Leeching off of others, unhealthily getting attached to their affection. Mistaking pity for love.

He never made anyone else’s lives better. He had always thought he’d be better off dead.

That’s why he was so desperate to prove that he could be of help to SUNNY. He thought MARI was the cause of everyone’s pain. He even thought it’d be better if MARI was just gone. Look how that turned out.

Not only was he a burden to everyone, he was also responsible for the death of someone who was important to him. Someone who was important to all of them.

What a piece of shit.

Every day, he woke up and asked himself one question: Why was he still alive?

It’s not good for one’s health to ponder over existentialism so early in the morning. So it was a good thing BASIL had little going on in his life. It’s not like he’d be late for anything or anyone. In that sense, there was no reason for him to be alive.

Would anyone mourn for him? His old friends won’t care; why would they care about MARI’s murderer? And he figured he wasn’t even on his parents’ minds at all. If he died, they’d learn of it a week later. Or maybe never. He kinda wished it’d be like that. Then he wouldn’t be a burden on them.

Every day was a struggle to get out of bed. Every day was a battle to prove that there still existed a value to stepping outside. That he was still wanted.

Oh. His grandmother. He couldn’t leave her behind. Not yet. And there was her new caretaker, POLLY, too. BASIL couldn’t get used to another person living with them, but she seemed like a nice person. Almost too nice. He wouldn’t want her to know how much of a freak he was. He didn’t want her to feel like she was responsible.

If he died now, he’d be an even bigger burden on them. He should make it easier for them, first. Maybe make them hate him, like his old friends.

Okay. He figured he could go another day. It’s just one more day. One more to add to the tally. Waste a day or a whole life through - not much of a difference to him.

He took a deep breath. He rose from his bed.

How many more days must he survive?

The thought occurred to him so naturally that it was almost friendly at this point.

It was triggered by the slightest thing, too. One day, he bumped into someone at school. The guy barely registered it and didn’t even hear him mutter an apology. He saw the boy walk away and thought: What if he didn't exist? If he was gone, that person wouldn’t have had to bump into him. His day would’ve gone better. BASIL only made his life worse by being alive at all.

Sometimes, he would sit in class and think of a world where he was dead. Maybe he killed himself, maybe he got into an accident, maybe one of his old friends murdered him for being the freak he is. It didn’t actually matter how it happened; what did matter was how much that could improve everyone’s lives.

Not only would his family and POLLY not have to worry about supporting another mouth to feed, his absence would also mean they didn’t have to worry about living with a psychopath who made a girl kill herself. His schoolmates wouldn’t have to emotionally burden themselves with having to associate with such a person, and his old friends would sleep well, knowing justice had been served.

He found a sick pleasure in daydreaming of scenarios like this. His own twisted reality where everything went as he expected; a world which proved his worst fears and insecurities. A world where he really was as messed up as he thought he was. He knew deep down that it was just a selfish fantasy. Things wouldn’t be that simple. He wanted to indulge himself with these delusions so that he’d feel just a little better about his intrusive thoughts. It caused a feedback loop, in which being self aware of his depravity only made him more sure that there was something truly wrong with him, and that ending his life would be better for everyone.

The bell rang. Class dismissed. Oh. Time to go home, he guessed.

Crying in his sleep, he muttered to himself.

He didn’t mean it.

He just wanted to make things better.

He didn’t hate her.

He did think she went too far. But he didn’t mean it like that.

She didn’t have to die.

He was so sorry.

Could she ever forgive him?

No. MARI was dead. She can’t forgive anyone now, ever. He took away his own chance at redemption.

What a fucking piece of shit.

Thinking back on it, he was in love with SUNNY.

Things made sense with that in his mind. He wasn’t aware of it back then, but he really cared for SUNNY. More so than anyone else. Even more so than AUBREY, his very first friend. He felt a connection with SUNNY that he had never felt with anyone else. BASIL was so used to feeling like an outlet for other people to vent their frustrations onto, but he felt like he was equal with SUNNY. He listened to BASIL and cared about what he said. That was such a foreign feeling; but it was nice. Feeling that he was being heard, feeling that his presence was wanted - he thought maybe this was just what having a best friend was like.

But that didn’t really make sense. Because he was great friends with AUBREY. And he knew how terrible her family was to her. He could only listen as she’d vent about it to him. He felt bad for her, sure; but that’s all it was. It did not compel him enough to do anything about it, because he was a coward.

For SUNNY, though, boiling rage was all that remained after SUNNY told him what had happened. MARI didn’t even register as a real person in his mind; she was more like an abstract concept which embodied everything wrong. The ‘culprit’ - the source of the ‘problem’. In a state of panic-like mind, all he could think about was how to protect SUNNY.

All he ever wanted was for SUNNY to look back at him the same way BASIL looked at him.

Oh well. Not like that matters now. Reciprocated love was such an alien concept to him that it might as well be a fictional trope. SUNNY abandoned him, because who would want to continue being friends with his sister’s killer? Everyone leaves him. That’s what happens. So he figured it wasn’t ever worth it. No one will love him the way he could love them. It wasn’t fair, but it was the truth.

But it wasn’t fair.

He was sitting on the couch, mindlessly staring into the television. Random sensory input which went in and out. He was about to go into his room and read a book instead when POLLY came out from there. He stood up, and she blocked his way, putting her arms on her waists with a stern look.

He stepped back and nervously looked back at her. POLLY tried to put on a concerning frown and pulled something out of her dress pocket. A box cutter with a messy trail of dried blood stretching across the metal.

“BASIL, I found this in your room.”

Oh no. He was done for. She had figured it out. She would know how much of a freak he was. They were going to call the police on him and he would get arrested for pushing a girl to suicide. Or maybe they would put him in a mental asylum. The whole town would know that he was a deranged psychopath. Once that happened, he might as well just kill himself for real. If he could do so in a straitjacket, that is.

Before he could make an excuse, POLLY spoke again.

“Jeez, what were you doing with this? Did you get hurt while gardening?”

His eyes widened. His mind reset and only confusion remained. Staring at his stunned face with equal confusion, POLLY sighed and put down the cutter on a table.

“I know you like taking care of your flowers, but you have to be careful with sharp stuff.”

“Y... Yeah.” He spoke with a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Be careful next time, okay? I’ll get you real shears if you want.”

“Really?” He stuttered.

“Yeah. It’s alright, I’ll take it out of my pay. I want you to rely on me more, okay?”

“Th... Thank you, POLLY.”

He put on an awkward smile to show relief. She smiled at him too, as she walked to the front door.

“I’m heading out. Did you want anything?”

“No...”

With a hum and a goodbye, POLLY went out, and the door closed. BASIL sat down again and sighed. He wanted to crawl into a hole. He turned off the television and stared at the knife on the table. He grabbed it. He held it in his hand as he made the sharp part come out with his thumb. The dark crimson was even more visible up close.

He put it in his pocket. He went to his room and threw himself in his bed, his face buried in the sheets.

Shears didn’t sound too bad.

He choked as AUBREY stomped on him. Air came out of his gut, and he coughed it up like it was blood. He gasped and cried. Every time her foot collided with his body, he went further into a flight or fight response, and adrenaline would pump out. He felt his body heat growing hotter and his eyelids getting wetter, but he remained still. He hunched down and covered his head with his arms. AUBREY kicked him with every intention of breaking them.

This was his punishment. He was glad that it was AUBREY out of everyone who was enacting his judgement. He could always count on her to do the right thing. Courageous and confident AUBREY. She was always everything he’d never be, and someone to admire. Now that very same ideal was ruthlessly beating on him, furious at him for taking her own ideal away.

It didn’t matter that AUBREY only started doing this after finding out about the photo album, which SUNNY desecrated, shortly after the funeral. It didn’t matter that if he just explained the full situation, she might give it back. He wanted her to give the album back to him more than anything else; he would accept punishment, but he couldn’t give up his photos, his memories, his life.

But deep inside, he also didn’t want to do any of that, out of a sick sense that it was all part of his atonement. How dare he demand anything from anyone? MARI doesn’t get to demand anything anymore. She was dead. AUBREY hated him for killing MARI, not for the photo album. That was what he convinced himself. Perhaps this was what he deserved. Maybe if this went on, everyone else would eventually start hating him too, and then he could finally die without worrying.

The kicking stopped. He heard another voice, but he didn’t look up. Instead, he continued to cry as he held himself in the ground. He clenched his chest with his arms, as if his photo album was still there; as if his memories were still by his side. Even as KEL’s arms tried to grab ahold of him, he pretended as if no one was there.

He passed out and woke up in his bed. He was told by POLLY that KEL had brought him home. Now he had owed him. Damn it, he didn’t want to go thank him. He dreaded tomorrow. He feared surviving another day.

Something was tearing him apart, and he knew it.

The body’s survival instincts kick in well before it can recognize any danger, when it perceives a certain fatality; when it can detect fear.

His demise by his own hands was no longer a looming possibility, but rather a simple matter of when. And as much as BASIL liked to pretend that was what he deserved, and that he had no personal qualms with that arrangement, his brain begged to differ. It didn’t want to die; of course, that meant he didn’t want to die.

No one really wants to die. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s the terror of the flames.

And without the comfort of his memories reminding him of his old life - of happier days - this flame seemed like an ever present certainty. If he could have the album back, perhaps he could delay the flame by just a little.

The photo album represented a sliver of hope which he could cling onto. It would let him survive until tomorrow, and the tomorrow after. And getting it back soon became the only reason he woke up in the morning.

So it was just another day of begging AUBREY’s friend, KIM, to let him speak to her. This was an excellent tactic, as he knew it would never work. KIM was too loyal to AUBREY. This was what kept him going; actions which he knew wouldn’t change anything, but ones that still made him feel like he was doing something. It meant he could push back against the deadly thoughts for one more day. It was a calculated move to achieve his goals while not actually getting closer to them; because talking to AUBREY would be a nightmare and he actually did not know what he’d even tell her. It was the kind of spineless behavior which perfectly suited someone such as him.

But something unexpected happened. It was KEL, who, with his loud voice, attracted the attention of AUBREY herself. BASIL gulped. He prepared himself and started thinking of more excuses he could tell POLLY on why he came home with bruises. (‘I fell on the sidewalk’ wasn’t going to work a third time. Maybe ‘I fell down the stairs’?)

KEL started yelling more stuff and BASIL just wanted to get out of there before AUBREY could do anything. Then she saw someone and started speaking words. She had never once said anything to him or KEL during these past years as she tormented him. He had actually starting to forget how she sounded. But here she was - talking. Just who was this someone and why were they so important that AUBREY broke her years-long silence?

BASIL finally looked at who was by KEL’s side. A figure he knew painfully well. A face he’d seen many times in his daydreams before. SUNNY, staring at AUBREY with a blank expression. As if preserved right from his memories, he had not changed one bit. SUNNY, never changing, much like this godforsaken suburban town, and unlike BASIL’s life, which had been on a downward trajectory for years. SUNNY, alive and standing right in front of him.

What?

Why was he here?

Oh, right. He was dreaming. SUNNY was there, AUBREY was actually saying words, and he hadn’t gotten punched in the face once. Of course, this was all a dream; his ideal scenario in which everything went perfectly.

Screw it. He had come this far. He might as well throw everything away.

“AUBREY! Please listen to me...”

KIM pushed him onto the grass. It hurt. Huh, maybe it wasn’t a dream? But this wouldn’t be the first dream where he went through excruciating pain. (Those would usually end in SUNNY or AUBREY or MARI killing him, though. He wondered if that was what was going to happen next.)

Okay, then he just had to wake up. He closed his eyes and suspended his breathing. Soon, he would wake up in his bed again, and he would have to decide if he really wanted to keep going for another day. If he was going to have another dream like this, he figured this day might as well be the last one.

He kept his eyes closed, and it was still dark.

There was more yelling, and he heard some sort of fight going on, but he didn’t open his eyes. He only did when there was nothing to be heard anymore. He thought he would finally wake up from this horrible nightmare. But the only scene that greeted him with was KEL with a miffed face holding a knife and SUNNY with a neutral expression having a staring contest.

They eventually took notice of BASIL and walked up to him. KEL greeted him and BASIL replied to him only. He was still in a daze, not convinced this was reality. But with these words uttered by KEL, he had no choice but to confront the truth.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but SUNNY’s here too.”

And hearing that name sent him into that flight or fight response again. A chill went down his spine, and his heart began pumping rapidly.

SUNNY. It was him. He was really here. The boy he loved, and the boy whose life he ruined.

Why?

What was happening right now seemed unreal.

They were looking through the photo album, with their old memories intact, like they had gone back to that time again. He could not believe that he actually had his album back; getting it back was such a defining motivation for his continued survival that having it there right in front of him sucked life out of him more than did it restore life.

But most of all, it was absolutely unbelievable that SUNNY would go to such lengths to get this back for him. He was under the impression that SUNNY hated him for being his sister’s murderer. But throughout the whole day, SUNNY had been completely okay with his presence. BASIL figured he was never the type of direct confrontation, but he also went through all of that with AUBREY and her gang. Why would he even do all of that just for BASIL?

He concluded that SUNNY must not care about him, because that was impossible; so he must have really wanted to see that photo album as well. He knew it was SUNNY who had tarnished MARI’s photos anyway, (By a simple process of elimination) so it made sense that it meant a great deal to him as well. That was the only possible explanation.

He didn’t care about BASIL. He was going to leave him again. (He didn’t want SUNNY to leave him again. He was terrified. But that was what was going to happen.)

Looking through these photos gave him a sense of comfort. It comforted him to know that these things really happened and that the happy moments weren’t just a figment of his mind. He often fantasized that things were always this bad, and that he had concocted a group of friends and the good times he spent with them just to cope with his shitty life. But these photos and KEL and SUNNY’s existence proved to him that they were all real. And the pain he gave them was real, too. There was never taking it back, and no amount of fantasy would change that.

It comforted him to know that even looking at these photos did not eliminate the inevitability in his mind. Something still dominated his mind, and there was a part of him that was glad it didn’t go away so easily. If it did, he really would have been as weak as he thought he was.

He realized there was only one thing he could do. If something wouldn’t go away even after having the album back, then the only thing left to do was to prepare for the unavoidable.

He gave the album to SUNNY. He did it when they were alone together in his grandmother’s bedroom, by the white egret orchids. He put on his best smile and pushed the album onto SUNNY’s chest. He accepted it without a change in expression or muttering a word.

SUNNY may have not understood the significance of this, but to BASIL, this symbolized finally letting go of his hopes. The might of the unrelenting finality had completely crushed him. It was closer than it had ever been before. Maybe this album could act as a new hope for SUNNY; but for BASIL, this was the end of the line. The beginning of the end.

It had been a long day.

Grandma was dead.

Everybody always leaves him.

He really wished he had died at the lake. Now, he had to finish the job himself. How messy. Drowning would’ve been cleaner.

His friends were asleep just beyond the door. All reconciled, having found friendship and joy again. Good for them. They didn’t need him anymore.

Grandma was gone, so POLLY would soon be gone too. She had no attachment left to him.

So if not now, then when?

He clenched the shears in his hand. It shook and trembled. The ones which POLLY got for him. It had proven useful all this time. It was certainly easier to garden with these than normal scissors. Too bad he didn’t get to use them for much long.

Ah, his plants. That was the one loose end he couldn’t clean up. He hoped someone would take it with them after he’s gone. He wasn’t going to leave a note or anything; MARI didn’t, either. (And he didn’t deserve to have a last moment of speech with his friends like she did.)

He held out the shears. It glistened in the moonlight coming through the window. The sharp edge gave off a sheen. It made him hesitate for a moment, and he looked out the window.

Something beckoned to him. Something wrapped around him. Something commanded him and moved his arm.

He’d do it right this time. He aimed for the stomach. Here he goes.

A creek. The door opened slowly, and a figure emerged. He withdrew his weapon and parsed through the darkness, though the tears made it hard. And in the darkness, he saw the one person he didn’t want to think about; the one person who had the power to stop him, because he was the one person BASIL cared the most about, and the one person he could never let go.

SUNNY.

Welcome to WHITE SPACE.

He’d been here as long as he could remember.

OMORI looked around the familiar surroundings. A laptop, a notebook, a tissue box, a cat, a lightbulb. He examined each of them, despite knowing that nothing ever changed here.

He stood in front of the lightbulb. It was dark. Despite providing no light, he could see clearly the springs inside. He stared into the lightbulb that remained unchanged, just like this space. He continued to watch it, not averting his gaze, despite knowing it will never light up. It was like he was expecting something. Yes, as if he was -

“Waiting for something to happen?”

He heard a voice from behind. MEWO’s voice was deep, as if a computer had pitched it down. He crouched down next to her and patted her head, and she purred like a normal cat. When he did this, he noticed a kitchen knife sitting on the ground, just a short distance away from her.

He stood up and went to pick up the knife. Despite the lack of any discernible light source, it shined and glistened as he held it out in his hand. He put it away and turned around. A monochrome door stood in the center of the space. He stepped in front of it and turned the doorknob.

Before he could walk through the door, he found himself in another place. Green plains stretched across his sights, seemingly ad infinitum. The sky was as blue as it could be, and he could see little clouds. OMORI looked around in bewilderment, not used to the unfamiliar scenery of colours and sensations.

There was a voice behind him.

“Hello, little brother. Come have a seat.”

Oh. It was just MARI, his older sister. She was kneeling on a picnic spot on top of the grass. Its red and white checker patterns were the only discernible landmark amidst the infinitely stretching plains. She gestured with her hand and invited OMORI to take a seat by her side, and he complied.

“The weather is great today, isn’t it, OMORI?”

She said, as she pulled food and drinks out from the picnic basket. There was too much here for just the two of them. He stared at the assortment of snacks. He could not help but feel something was missing. He looked behind them. The picnic spot was wide enough for more than two people. He looked back at MARI. She tilted her head in confusion, with a smile on her face.

“Hmm? What do you mean, the others? It’s always been just us two.”

Yes, of course. What was he thinking? It has always been just them. OMORI and MARI; siblings and family. The two were inseparable. All they needed was each other by one’s side.

Time passed by as the picnic basket became empty and wind blew against their cheeks. Even though they had been sitting there for what seemed like hours, the sun hadn’t went down. OMORI dozed off. His eyes repeatedly blinked, but he didn’t lose consciousness. Amid this hazy state, he heard a tune. He could hear someone playing piano faintly from somewhere. At first, he could not tell which song it was. But as it continued, it reached deeper into his memories.

A familiar melody played in three beats.

Recognizing the melody, he came out of his daze. He stood up and looked around, horrified at what the plains had turned into. The green and blue scenery had been replaced with a black void, and dirty scratches of white stretched across the sky instead. The ragged lines had a chalk-like texture to them.

In panic, he looked for the comfort of his sister, and turned his head to where she was sitting. But as soon as he saw what was there, he started stepping back in horror. What stood there in the place of MARI was a shadow. Its vertical eye stared back at him, and it inched closer as he stepped back.

It was SOMETHING.

He attempted to calm down, but SOMETHING remained, staring at him with its haunting gaze. He turned around to run, but another figure blocked his way. Its shadowy shape was hard to make out, but it was recognizable as a person; the shape of its hairline seemed familiar to him. The only discernible thing from the figure was a pair of white eyeballs. They shone brightly in the darkness.

“You can’t run forever.”

STRANGER spoke, borrowing the voice of someone from his memories.

“Face the truth and another door will open. If you seek redemption, it will lead you to the road you seek. But is that what you seek, or do you wish for another dream? A dream will always lead you back to the same place. To us.”

STRANGER stepped closer. OMORI looked behind him. SOMETHING continued to stare at him with its empty eye. Cornered on both sides, OMORI reached into his pocket and pulled out the knife. He took a swing at STRANGER, but it was like trying to slice a shadow. With no tangible form to collide with, the knife simply went through it, and it resumed its steps.

Once it was right in front of OMORI, it spoke yet again, its voice echoing through the dark depths.

“This isn’t your home, SUNNY. Wake up.”

Hearing those words hit OMORI with a realization. Fear dispelled in his face. As if it was his calling, OMORI held out the knife and pointed it at himself. Without hesitation, he struck one swift blow to his stomach. Red blood came out of his monochrome form, and he fell to his knees. He let go of the knife while it was still piercing his abdomen. As his body shook, he noticed that STRANGER and SOMETHING were nowhere to be seen, and he lost consciousness in that black void, with no one to comfort him.

And SUNNY woke up.

Losing her daughter was like losing a part of herself.

In the first few weeks, PATRICIA simply kept up the motions of living. Consuming food to sustain her body and sleeping for energy - these were simply means of survival, but she wasn’t really alive. Grief hadn’t even registered to her properly. It was simply an underwhelming feeling of absence; like colour had faded from every picture.

KEIICHI helped her stay alive. MARI’s death tore both of them apart and him especially. They never said it out loud to each other, but they knew; MARI was his favorite and SUNNY was her favorite. But both of them were still their children, who were alive because of them. With MARI gone, they found it hard to keep going. The least they could do was stay by each other’s side, which was something they could not do for MARI.

She felt powerless. Countless “what if’s” went through her mind. But every scenario always led back to the image of MARI hanged in their backyard. SUNNY was kneeling in front of her and staring into an empty void. Her eyes were open and bloodshot. She had foam coming out of her mouth. Scratches were near the neck. Her pale face seemed to contain all of her pain, concentrated into a single moment. But all of those were remnants of when life still breathed in her, just barely. What PATRICIA saw beyond that was a shell with nothing left dangling by the tree. The traces of her pain were only a reminder; an echo.

Why did they keep a rope? Why did they keep a rope?

It took a long time before she could regain her composure. Of course, the thought of ending her own life crossed her mind multiple times. But such thoughts were expelled by the existence of SUNNY. How could she leave him behind? Her baby girl was gone, and she could not stand to see him gone too.

She would keep going so that he could live.

Something that crossed her and KEIICHI’s mind was that they may have been overprotective of SUNNY because of his attempt; thus, they had left MARI to fend for herself against her demons. PATRICIA could always ask this question - “why wasn’t I there for her too?” - but it would never bring her back. So she focused on never making that mistake again. She mourned for MARI. She prayed for MARI. She wept and yelled and grieved for MARI. But it was not time to die in sorrow. She wouldn’t make the same mistake.

He stopped going outside of his room. This was terrifying for the two of them. It was like seeing MARI all over again. She lost sleep over the thought of one day finding SUNNY dead in his room too. But after months of pleading and never giving up, he went out. He still refused to go to school or go outside of the house, but he began seeing them. They had meals together like a normal family. When KEIICHI asked him how he was feeling, he answered. (Albeit with only a single ‘yes.’) PATRICIA could tell him she loved him and he nodded back.

This was good enough. SUNNY may never step foot outside into the world again. Eventually, they could help him reach that point. But for now, this was good. They were there for him. He wasn’t going to kill himself. Even though that fear of the mere possibility never went away, this return to normalcy provided comfort to the broken down family.

It almost made them forget that MARI ever existed.

But she did - or used to. And this could never be forgotten. Every day, before she went upstairs to head to their bedroom, she saw the door to the piano room. She had never opened it since her death. They couldn’t open it. They were too scared to. She was a grown adult, much older than MARI had ever been; but in the vicinity of that room, she felt terror. Real, overwhelming terror.

So it remained. They didn’t bother to lock it up or went anywhere near it. The piano room simply continued to exist, and the remains of her pain with it. Its looming presence constantly reminded them of what had happened and what they had done. Their failure as parents, and the tragedy this household contained. No amount of comfort achieved could ever erase the truth. The piano room was the evidence of her existence and the legacy which her life had left behind. It was Pandora’s Box - never to be opened, lest the memories open up again.

Thus, the door to Pandora’s Box stood there, in a perpetual state of silence and ennui. Waiting for someone to open it; waiting for something to happen.

Where was home?

They say home is where the heart is. But OMORI didn’t think he had a heart. He couldn’t feel it. For him, WHITE SPACE was his home. Being by MARI’s side on these plains was his home. This was where he felt comfortable.

“You’re barely touching your food, OMORI.” MARI said. “Is something wrong?”

OMORI looked back at MARI. She tilted her head. The purple outlines and pastel colours on her form seemed radiant against the blue and green backdrop. She smiled and took a sip from her drink.

“Oh, a question, you say? Sure, brother. What is it?”

OMORI stared into her eyes.

“Home? Oh, you silly. Home is wherever we are together!”

MARI laughed.

“You should smile more, OMORI. I’ve always liked your smile.”

As she giggled, he could hear that song being played in the background again. He stood up and looked around apprehensively. Something weighed down on his chest and fear crept in. He grabbed MARI’s arm.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, concerned.

He turned around without an answer. But just as he was about to run, he saw the plains had already begun to transform into darkness. He turned to MARI, and she had already faded away. In her place, SOMETHING floated, causing OMORI to back up.

“I told you.”

STRANGER spoke as it rose from the darkness. Its eyes bore into OMORI.

“You can’t run away. There is a way out, however. But she cannot come with you.”

As STRANGER continued, SOMETHING engulfed OMORI into the shadows, its eyes multiplying. OMORI squirmed in terror.

“Can you feel that burden on your chest? It is proof that your sins weigh down on you. A reminder for the heart, soulless as you may be. You will have to confront it one way or the other. It is only delaying the inevitable.”

OMORI cut loose from SOMETHING’s grasp. As soon as he was free, he pulled out his knife. SOMETHING floated behind STRANGER and both of them approached OMORI.

“You know what to do. Or are you waiting for someone?”

OMORI held out the knife. He plunged it into himself without hesitation.

When she answered the door, PATRICIA was not expecting to greet KEL.

He was sweating and puffing like he had run all the way across here from the other side of town. And he looked remarkably different from last when she saw him up close. Of course, the last time she saw him was years ago, when he was over at their house. Ever since what happened, the neighbors hadn’t been in touch.

She invited him inside the house and he walked in. He looked bewildered as well. PATRICIA told him he can sit on the couch while she got him a drink.

“Actually, miss,” KEL said. “I was wondering if I could see SUNNY.”

Her heart skipped a beat.

“Well, KELSEY...” She reluctantly answered. “I’m sure SUNNY would love to see you, but he’s still... sorting things out.”

“Can I just please talk to him?”

KEL stared at her with desperate eyes. It wasn’t just that he looked worn down; he looked absolutely crushed. It was an expression she was all too familiar with; it was one she saw every day in the mirror.

If she had to be honest, she wanted to ask him; why did you come now? None of you came to us when we were hurt the most. When he needed you the most. But did she really deserve to ask that question to somebody? She wasn’t there for MARI when she needed her.

How could she let her spite get in the way of her son’s chance at regaining life?

“He should be in his room, sweetie. You should... ask him before opening the door.”

And with that, KEL ran upstairs. PATRICIA looked at his back as he went up. She wanted to pray for him. There was a part of her that wished he could achieve something she couldn’t. Maybe she wouldn’t be the one to save SUNNY. But it didn’t matter who did. What mattered was whether her son got to live his life again. Nothing else mattered.

SUNNY woke up to a knock, and then several more knocks.

That wasn’t like his mother. She usually didn’t even bother to knock, much to his dismay. He begrudgingly got out of bed and stepped in front of the door when he heard a voice he did not expect.

“Hello... SUNNY? Do you remember me? It’s your old friend, KEL. I... Can we hang out today? Or whatever...”

And silence. His heartbeat accelerated. A familiar ringing could be heard. He hadn’t felt this way in years. His body was going into panic. His vision blurred.

He was terrified.

SOMETHING grabbed hold of him. Its tightening grasp suffocated him, and he struggled to breathe. He coughed. His chest felt like it was going to explode any second; his heart and his lungs were at full capacity.

But as he sunk deeper into SOMETHING’s net, he could hear a voice from within his memories. She spoke to him with an echoing sound, and his consciousness grasped onto the words.

“It’s not as scary as you think.”

He steadied his breathing. With all his strength, he broke one of his arms free and put it near his chest. He measured the speed of his heartbeats and began counting them until he could hear that they were slowing down.

Bit by bit, SOMETHING’s grip weakened, until he was free.

And he saw the door again. It was just the door to the rest of his house. He had gone through this door many times before. The first time he came out of his room since he locked himself in years ago, he also had to battle SOMETHING, although his parents were there with him.

Meeting KEL was a terror beyond anything from back then. He could be judged. He could be proven right on every thought he’s had these past few years. Maybe KEL was here to impugn him for the sinner that he was. Maybe he was here to tell him to kill himself.

But maybe KEL was here to give him a chance. Another chance to be there for his friends when they needed it.

He could feel SOMETHING trying to come back. But he shook it off and stepped forward.

If he missed this chance, he would regret it forever. He was sick of regretting things.

He opened the door.

And there he was. KEL stood tall, looking at SUNNY with shock in his face. It was like he didn’t believe SUNNY was actually there. He grabbed SUNNY’s shoulder. SUNNY flinched, but his expression didn’t change. KEL smiled and hugged him tight, shocking SUNNY. SUNNY stood there, frozen in silence.

“It’s so good to see you, man.”

He could not recognize the girl KEL referred to as AUBREY.

He examined every bit of her image, and it still did not register. Her face, her eyes, her hands; they were AUBREY’s as he remembered her. Sure, her hair colour was different, and she had contacts on, but that couldn’t fool him. However, it was not her outward appearance. It was the anguish he saw in her which rendered her unrecognizable. The AUBREY he knew was bright, resolute; she always found a positive side in things. He only saw hate in this person.

This was what rushed through his mind as she pulled out her nail bat in the church.

KEL stepped in front of AUBREY. She ran forward and headbutted him right in the stomach. He staggered and crouched down, holding his belly. He stared back at her, seemingly in shock, but it didn’t take long before she struck back. She kicked him right in the face and KEL fell to the ground.

She turned to SUNNY. They met eyes. AUBREY walked up to him reluctantly. He stood frozen in place. Even at that moment, he was trying to figure out if this really was that girl he knew all those years ago. Anger in her face faded away for a moment and he could see sorrow in its place. That was what truly struck him as being unlike AUBREY; that she was hesitant to do what she felt was right.

“You’re both nothing to me.” She said under her breath.

She punched him with her left hand. SUNNY stumbled backwards.

Chatter could be heard all over the church and the commotion grew larger. Amidst the noise, KEL yelled out and leapt at AUBREY. He tackled her and yelled at her to stop. He only held her down, but she began ramming the bottom of her bat against his face. She did this until his face started bleeding. She pushed him to the side.

With the two boys down on the floor, she backed up. She noticed the glances of every churchgoer. She frantically turned around. Fear struck her and she began to shake. KEL stood up while wiping the blood off his face. She glared back at two of them.

“Forget it!”

And she ran off.

Somehow, SUNNY didn’t feel any pain in his face, despite being punched minutes ago. But it ached him to see AUBREY’s back as she ran away. It didn’t hurt that his friend had changed so much; no, it hurt that she held so much pain in her, all because of him.

It hurt.

As BASIL handed SUNNY the photo album, it looked like he was forcibly taking out a part of his soul from his body.

But SUNNY accepted it. He knew how much this meant to BASIL, and what giving it to him meant as well. He didn’t believe he deserved this kindness from BASIL. Especially not after what he did to it.

He remembered how it was only a few days after what happened. It had been the last time he’d seen BASIL until today. He was over at BASIL’s house. They were looking through the album. When BASIL left the room to get something, SUNNY glared at the photos. Photos of her. Wrong, tainted. They were not what they used to be.

This version of her was not real.

Next thing he knew, the marker was on his hand.

He left after that, so he never found out how BASIL reacted. And he never got to know because he locked himself in his house for 3 years.

Surely, he knew SUNNY did it. Why he hadn’t told AUBREY yet was a mystery. Maybe BASIL gave the album to him as a way of forgiving him. Even though he did not deserve it, especially now that he’d seen what BASIL had been through.

BASIL let go of the album.

“Maybe one day, things can go back to the way they were before.”

He smiled. It was an attempt at fabricating hope. SUNNY knew what a fake wish looked like.

He held the album in his chest.

OMORI felt that there was something deeply wrong. The feeling clawed at his chest, and it would not settle down.

The clouds today were exceptionally thick. The sky was greyer than usual too. And most of all, the feeling that there was something missing was stronger than ever before.

KEL, AUBREY, BASIL... What were these names that were going through his head? Who were these people? This wasn’t his memory.

“OMORI, is something wrong?” MARI asked. “Sit down, we have the whole day ahead of us!”

OMORI turned around to look at her. She was smiling as always, and the saturated colours on her seemed to clash with the background more than usual. OMORI was confused; why did she seem that way? He was hesitant to go near her.

They heard a thunder strike. It was loud enough that he suspected it must’ve been very close. It started to rain.

“What’s happening?”

MARI stood up. She looked at OMORI with worry and confusion.

“OMORI, I’m scared.”

She was scared?

MARI was scared?

How?

This wasn’t her. It couldn’t have been her. It was wrong.

“Take my hand, OMORI...”

MARI reached her hand out to him. She was sobbing in fear. OMORI slapped her hand away instinctively. When their hands collided, it was like time slowed down. The sounds of rain had immediately faded away, and only an echo generated by the clash of hands continue to reverberate. OMORI saw MARI’s face in slow motion as he pushed her away; she looked terrified.

He blinked; when he opened his eyes, he found himself in BLACK SPACE again.

He wandered around the void. It was odd how STRANGER or SOMETHING had not appeared to him yet; he had never had to search them out before. He avoided the red hands crawling on the dark floor and continued on.

He heard something. It sounded like a voice, but it was so echoey and muffled that he couldn’t even tell if it was human, much less figure out the words. He turned around to the direction where it came from.

There was something standing there. No, it wasn’t SOMETHING - it was a completely different abomination, but still horrifying.

Its form took the image of MARI, wearing a white dress that he was familiar with. But its face stretched out to a grotesque extent, and its mouth was equally deformed with its tall gape. Its eyeballs were pitch black, and the face almost seemed like a skeleton. However, the most terrifying part was how its neck was completely snapped. Combined with how long it was, the distortion of her figure rendered her almost unrecognizable. But only almost. He knew this was how he last remembered her.

It overwhelmed him with fear, so much so that he couldn’t even move. The atrocity did not move either; it simply repeated its phrase over and over, while staring into SUNNY with its empty eye sockets. He felt something grasp onto him. This time, it was SOMETHING, which tried to drag him into its dark innards. He became stressed out. As he struggled against SOMETHING’s attacks, he could make out what the monster was saying.

It was saying I love you.

“Interesting.”

STRANGER appeared from the dark beside the monster, while paying it no attention.

“You always knew - you knew that this was but a fantasy. You knew that she wasn’t really her. That is not the truth you seek.”

OMORI had no time to heed STRANGER’s cryptic words; he only focused on trying to break loose from SOMETHING’s clutches.

“But what changed? What made your world crumble down? Was it seeing them? Was it watching the ramifications of your actions? That is an utmost unexpected outcome.”

STRANGER stepped closer to OMORI. SOMETHING seemed to have noticed this, and as soon as STRANGER got close enough, it immediately disappeared. OMORI was thrown to the ground and he breathed in and out harshly.

“The clock is ticking. You can’t wait forever.”

OMORI recovered himself and stood up. He stumbled. STRANGER continued to stare into him, while the monster repeated its haunting voice next to it.

“Do it.”

OMORI pulled out his knife.

He watched helplessly as BASIL sank deeper into the lake.

AUBREY fell on her knees. She was mumbling something, and KEL yelled at her. His words fell on deaf ears.

SUNNY stared into the water. It swirled and churned. He couldn’t find any signs of BASIL. The water had swallowed him whole already. He knew BASIL could swim, so why had he sank?

The answer was quite obvious. He had given up on life. It was clear from the moment he handed the album over.

Was he going to let another person in his life slip by right before his eyes?

He had to save him.

KEL stopped his yelling. His panic subsided and turned to the dock. He was about to jump into the water when he saw SUNNY standing at the edge.

“No, SUNNY, wait-”

He dove in.

He fell and sank and plunged deep into the depths. He flailed around, but it was no use; he had never learned how to traverse the waters properly. His vision was getting dark. There was a force bounding his limbs. He tried to open his eyes and look around him. The black tendrils of SOMETHING wrapped around him, not allowing him to escape.

SOMETHING bound onto him tight, and it dragged him down. Air ran out of his lungs, and he began losing consciousness deep in the water.

He heard music. There was a voice speaking over it.

“Steady your heartbeat... Don’t be afraid.”

SOMETHING’s strength weakened, and he could move his limbs slightly.

“You have to keep going.” The voice whispered. “No matter how impossible it seems...”

There was another force which tugged on him. It pulled him up. He didn’t struggle. Soon, he was out of the water.

When he opened his eyes and saw HERO, he wasn’t sure if he was still dreaming. He was not sure if he was still alive. He took a breath. It didn’t feel real. He couldn’t feel his heart, nor his lungs.

He couldn’t believe HERO when he said the piano wasn’t there. It made little sense, since his parents wouldn’t just throw it out. But there was also no reason for HERO to lie about it.

This question kept him awake and he couldn’t go to sleep. KEL’s snoring didn’t help. So he got out of bed. He made sure not to step on the two brothers and went downstairs without a noise. He turned around and approached the door.

He paused and stood in front of it. His heart skipped a beat. Terror struck him. SOMETHING came back and wrapped its dark limbs around his body. His body was shaking, and he had trouble breathing. His mind was rushing; his brain was telling him it sensed danger ahead. The panic was an all too familiar feeling.

He could hear that song again. A vaguely familiar sounding tune. Nostalgia dispelled away the fear. Comfort took its place instead. The voice came back.

“This is getting nowhere fast... huh, SUNNY?” It spoke in his head. “Remember to take a deep breath...”

He did as it said, and SOMETHING’s arms let SUNNY go one by one.

“You need to block out the little things... and figure out what's important.”

When he was free from its grasp, he looked at the door once again. He grit through the pain in his stomach and opened it.

The first thing he noticed was the piano in the middle of the room. Moonlight lit that portion of the room like they were headlights. The various boxes and paper which surrounded the piano were only dimly lit and he couldn’t see them well.

He approached the piano. His heart stopped for a beat when it saw the name engraved in the middle: OMORI.

It grew colder in the room. He stared at the piano as it filled him with unease. It was like he could hear somebody cry out. There were echoes of a memory in this room. Memories that felt familiar; too familiar, perhaps. The last time he’d been here was -

The door opened and HERO came in. SUNNY turned around. He looked like he was panicking; he looked even worse than SUNNY. Upon seeing him, HERO sighed in relief.

He stared at HERO, and HERO’s face filled up with anguish. He listened as HERO spilled his heart out. It was the first time SUNNY had ever seen him be vulnerable. But this wasn’t the same boy he used to look up to; no, there was only a broken man left there.

“It hurt so much, that day at her funeral.”

The funeral.

SUNNY couldn’t remember much of it.

He didn’t cry.

He saw her in the casket. Cleaned and polished, decorated with flowers like a doll. That song was playing in the background. The waltz.

He didn’t remember how long he stared at her.

He couldn’t even remember how HERO looked there. Was he even there?

He must’ve been because he was here right now and telling SUNNY about it. This pain in his face wasn’t a lie.

He thought he finally understood why HERO lied about the piano. It was the same reason he locked himself in his room. Alone in his room, only sleeping the days away. Barely even alive.

AUBREY cried. She looked at each of them - all three - and held her face as she fell to her knees. The photo album sat right in front of her.

“I’m sorry, guys... I’ve been acting like such a jerk.”

“It’s not us you should say that to.” KEL frowned at her.

“Cut it out, KEL.” HERO said. “Come on.”

“Okay...” He sighed. “I’m sorry too, AUBREY. I haven’t been good to you either.”

“Wait, KEL...” AUBREY looked at KEL.

“No, I mean it.” He cut her off. “What you did to BASIL was horrible, but I never wanted to understand it. It scared me, really. But...”

KEL looked at SUNNY for a moment and stopped his words.

“There. Now we’re all made up.”

HERO looked at both of them and smiled. They tried to smile too; AUBREY chuckled while KEL grinned. SUNNY stared back at all of them in the middle of the room.

“He’s right, you know.” HERO told AUBREY. “I heard about what you did. When we go see him next, you need to apologize to him too.”

“I know.” She sniffed. “He will never forgive me.”

“That isn’t the point, is it?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “I know it might never happen again, but... I want us to go back to how it was before.”

“I miss her.” She said.

“Yeah.” HERO looked down.

“I miss her too.” KEL said.

“This is all feeling awfully familiar, isn’t it?” HERO chuckled.

“It is!” KEL laughed awkwardly.

“But something feels different now.” AUBREY glanced around her room.

“Yeah. It’s like...”

They didn’t have anyone to wait for this time.

That was what SUNNY said. The three of them looked at him. Some silence passed as they all stared into him, and he stared back at them. After a moment, AUBREY sat down. She looked like she was about to cry again. HERO stood next to her and looked down solemnly. KEL didn’t seem to understand, but once he got it, he fidgeted and glanced around in silence.

They spent no more time in AUBREY’s room. They headed out, with SUNNY leading the way. There was only one place to go.

OMORI woke up in BLACK SPACE. He wandered through a forest. He could see only trees with a pitch dark texture. They looked dead and what little leaves they had seemed withered. He frantically searched for an exit, but he could not make out his surroundings. It felt like the forest stretched on for an eternity.

He ran. He ran like his lungs were about to give out. He could only hear the rustle of grass and the sound of his own heartbeat. He closed his eyes and sprinted until his legs could not stand it anymore.

Eventually, he stopped and opened his eyes. He was in an open field, but there was still no colour. In front of him, there stood a lone tree, bigger than any of the ones he just saw. It was blurred, as if it was being censored. When he inched closer to take a better look at it, the blur went away. Only when he was right in front of it, could he realize what exactly was being concealed by the blur. It was not the tree itself, but what was hung on it.

It was her.

An empty shell which used to be filled with life.

It dangled in front of the tree like a puppet. She looked pale and cold.

MARI was dead.

“Memories are a medium.”

STRANGER spoke from behind OMORI. He did not turn his head. He could not take his eyes off of her.

“But whether it can become a connection for healing or deterioration is entirely up to choice. Let’s keep looking.”

The scene changed. A church, also devoid of colour. People he knew were also there, but it was like time had frozen in place, because they were not moving at all.

He walked up to the middle of the church, where the casket was. He saw her there. Lying inside the coffin, like she was sleeping. Lilies of the valley surrounded her.

“Look at her. Burn this image into your memories. You cannot run away from it.”

He looked behind. From up here, he could see the faces of every attendee. His friends were all there; KEL, HERO, AUBREY, and BASIL. There was someone else next to BASIL, but their figure was so distorted that it was impossible to tell who they were.

“Look at them. The pain you’ve caused in them. The lives you’ve ruined. But despite it all, do they still love you? Is that even the right question to ask?”

The ground shook. The ceiling came apart, and it came crumbling down. The pieces collided with the floor, and the entire building began to crack.

The church collapsed in on itself. He ducked and covered his head, but the debris went through him and disappeared into the dark. When everything had dissipated, he was in a black void. The only thing he could see was the shape of something tall in the distance. He felt drawn to it and walked towards it.

Once he was close enough, he realized it was that same tree from before. He finally recognized it as the distorted form of the tree in his backyard. It was entirely black with a white outline. Besides the colours, there was another key difference.

It was who was hanged.

It was him instead.

STRANGER appeared in front of him.

“The avatar will reveal the truth in time, and the DREAMER cannot dream forever. So what will it be? Will you choose to fight it head on, or will you choose to perish instead? Time to decide.”

It stepped away, and its form faded away.

“He’s waiting for you.”

And SUNNY woke up.

He was sweating. He rose from his sleeping bag. His friends were still sleeping. He made sure not to make a sound.

KEL.

He was the kind of guy who just wanted everyone to be happy. He brought light to their lives just by being there by their side - that was what she said. He was the only one to care enough to come find SUNNY even after all these years. Could he ever repay him for that kindness? Even when he took so much away from him?

He was really going to miss him.

AUBREY.

Bold, courageous AUBREY; these were her words. He could always trust her to do the right thing. AUBREY never faltered at the sight of backlash. It was almost like she continued purely out of spite for those who didn’t believe in her. But to him, that didn’t seem childish; she was incredible. He had always admired AUBREY. It felt liberating just to be around her. Could he ever expect to be someone as half as fearless as she was? Even though he took that side of her away by murdering her idol?

He was really going to miss her.

HERO.

He had always been like an older brother to him. Someone you can rely on to guide you through anything. He seemed like the perfect match for his sister. Even now, HERO dove into that lake to save him without hesitation. He owed HERO his life. But all he did was take away from HERO’s life. He took HERO’s light, his love, his soul. She loved HERO - she told HERO. And he took her away.

He was really going to miss him.

There was one more person left to see. One more person to say goodbye to.

He silently walked to BASIL’s room. He stood in front of the door and took a deep breath. It was going to be fine. He would be asleep, anyway. He would just do the same thing he just did to everyone else. Then he would go back to his house. He would finish what he started.

SUNNY opened the door. He saw BASIL staring out the window into the moon. BASIL turned around and faced SUNNY. He seemed horrified at the sight of SUNNY; but soon, he put on a nervous smile.

“Ah... SUNNY. It’s just you.”

SUNNY stepped closer.

“Don’t worry, SUNNY. Everything is fine. I’m - I’m fine.”

As he walked, he noticed what was in BASIL’s hand. His steps became slower and more careful.

“I’m going to make things right. Everything is going to be okay.”

BASIL held out the shears. At first, it seemed to be pointed at SUNNY, and SUNNY stopped walking. Then BASIL pointed it at himself. His hand was shaking, and it barely looked like he was gripping onto it.

“But... I can’t do it with you here. I - Your eyes, they won’t let me. So could you please wait outside? You can go back to sleep.”

SUNNY listened to every word BASIL said. A series of insidious thoughts came to his mind: He was right. This was none of his business. He was going to die today, anyway. What was to say they couldn’t have one more? Whether BASIL also died didn’t matter to him. This was what he did best. Leaving people.

SUNNY stared into BASIL’s eyes. His smile was fading away. His hand was shaking more and more.

BASIL didn’t deserve this. All he tried to do was to help SUNNY. He was the only one who would stick by him when MARI left him. BASIL was such a kindhearted person that he even cared for someone like him. Even though it was arguably his fault that AUBREY began bullying BASIL for the photo album, BASIL continued to blame himself instead. Empathetic to a fault - she said that. A person like that deserved to live much more than SUNNY. If there was one thing he could do before he ended his life, it would be to prevent BASIL’s from ending.

He continued to walk closer.

“Wh... What are you doing?” BASIL drew the weapon closer to his stomach. “Don’t! Don’t come any closer!”

In an instance, SUNNY was within shouting distance with him. He reached for BASIL’s hand, which had the shears on it.

“No!”

On touch, BASIL reflexively threw a punch with his other hand. But SUNNY did not give up, and he attempted to wrestle the shears away from BASIL. He pushed BASIL with his elbows in the process.

“Stop it, SUNNY!”

BASIL shouted and slapped SUNNY. SUNNY hit BASIL’s arm and he dropped the shears on the ground. As SUNNY tried to reach for it, BASIL pushed him away and grabbed it back. SUNNY jumped and tackled him. They wrestled for the shears on the ground. BASIL got a hold of them, and SUNNY reached out his arm.

“Why won’t you just let me -”

When SUNNY’s arm almost reached him, BASIL swung at SUNNY with his dominant arm, which was holding the shears. The sharp object pierced through SUNNY’s right eye. Blood gushed out of his eye and it splat onto BASIL’s cheek. SUNNY fell to the side and yelled in pain, holding where he had been stabbed with his hands.

“Oh my god! I’m so-”

BASIL rushed to his side. SUNNY could not stop writhing in pain. BASIL sobbed loudly as he held SUNNY. He saw his own hands which were covered in blood, and he yelled even louder.

“SUNNY, no! Don’t leave me...”

SUNNY’s vision faltered. The pain in his eye settled down, strangely enough. He just wanted to fall asleep. It was getting colder and colder. The only thing he could do was the sound of BASIL crying. He didn’t want to see him like that, but the fact that he wasn’t dead comforted SUNNY.

All of this felt too familiar. He remembered the last time he was in a situation like this. That time, the last person on his mind was BASIL. He supposed, then, it was appropriate that when he died for real, BASIL would be by his side.

His breathing got weaker. He lost consciousness.

He was back at WHITE SPACE. But he was SUNNY; not OMORI.

He looked around the familiar surroundings. A laptop, a notebook, a tissue box, a cat, a lightbulb. And -

OMORI stood in the middle.

Confused, SUNNY walked up to him. OMORI remained unresponsive. SUNNY gave up trying to communicate with him. Instead, he went up to the lightbulb.

The lightbulb was equally unresponsive. It was pitch black like always, providing no light in a space that didn’t require any. He stared into it, as if it was entangling him in. It loomed silently.

Yes, it was just like always. He was waiting for something to happen. But nothing ever happened. He was no longer OMORI; he was just him. SUNNY. He had no use for this now.

He remembered what STRANGER told him; what it told OMORI.

He grabbed the lightbulb and threw it into the ground.

He saw the space darken and light back up. Nothing seemed to have changed, besides the shattered lightbulb on the ground. He looked at the various pieces of glass. Then he noticed that the void surrounding the space was flickering between black and white, like a broken light.

Panic settled in. He turned his head around to look for a way outside, only to be greeted by OMORI staring at him from the middle of the space. They met eyes.

OMORI drew out his weapon. He inched closer to SUNNY.

“It was your fault.”

OMORI slashed his knife at SUNNY. SUNNY dodged and backed up.

“If you hadn’t gone and tried to kill yourself because you couldn’t handle the work, she’d still be alive.”

OMORI slashed again. The knife hit SUNNY’s arm, and he started bleeding. He held the wound with his hand.

“You should’ve been there for her. She was suffering too, yet you abandoned her.”

OMORI swung his knife directly at SUNNY, but he narrowly avoided it.

“She killed herself because of you. People like you don’t deserve to live.”

OMORI continued by taking another quick plunge at SUNNY. He couldn’t react in time, and the knife grazed his abdomen. He started bleeding from there, too.

“You took her away from all of them. KEL, AUBREY, HERO... You saw what happened to them. Their lives were torn apart because you were selfish.”

SUNNY tried to punch OMORI, but the hit barely affected him at all. OMORI slashed him again. The knife went across his cheek and his face got bloodied.

“It should’ve been you who died.”

OMORI kicked him in the stomach where he just got stabbed.

“You killed MARI. She loved you and you killed her.”

OMORI stabbed him. SUNNY took damage.

“HERO loved her and you killed her.”

OMORI stabbed him. SUNNY took damage.

“AUBREY loved her and you killed her.”

OMORI stabbed him. SUNNY took damage.

“KEL loved her and you killed her.”

OMORI stabbed him. SUNNY took damage.

“BASIL loved her and you killed her.”

OMORI stabbed him. SUNNY took damage.

“You loved her and you killed her.”

OMORI stabbed him. SUNNY took damage.

“Kill yourself.”

OMORI stabbed him and he fell to the ground.

“Do it.”

OMORI dropped the knife onto the ground, in front of SUNNY.

OMORI’s words loomed over his head. It repeated in his mind over and over again.

Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.

The knife seemed to beckon. His chest felt heavy, not to mention the pain he felt from all of his wounds. It felt exactly like SOMETHING when it grasped onto his heart.

And just like when SOMETHING grabbed him, he could hear that faint melody in the background: the waltz. Its volume was growing larger and larger.

It only brought terror to OMORI; but in this moment, as himself, it gave SUNNY strength. Trauma turned into a medium. A medium for reminiscence; a medium for expression.

Memories rushed through him, one by one.

Listening to her play the piano for the first time. Getting the violin at the birthday party. The first time he could produce an actual note with it. The first time they harmonized with each other with their instruments.

He remembered how fun music used to be. When it didn’t strike fear in him; when it was a mode of expression. He remembered how happy he was to be with her. How happy he was to connect with her through the shared love for music. That was called life. For the past few years, he considered a life without her no life at all. Life without MARI was not a life worth living.

Other memories rushed through him.

KEL talking about HERO yelling at him. AUBREY talking about how hurt she was when everyone left her. HERO talking about how painful her funeral was. It wasn’t just him who had suffered. He saw for himself just how much MARI’s death had hurt all of them.

Would his death accomplish anything?

He still hated himself. But he could not stand to see his friends be in any more pain.

If his death would not accomplish anything, perhaps he could try giving life another shot. Maybe he could become a person he'd be proud of being one day. He could live knowing his friends were there and that he was alive, breathing the same air as them. He would be alive and know that he survived; that despite everything, he had prevailed. He would have done that. It would be a life worth calling a life.

He wanted to learn how to love himself. It seemed like such an impossibility, because he was disgusted with himself. But he wanted to. He felt such visceral, terrifying fear at the thought of death.

He didn’t want to hurt his friends again.

He wanted to see BASIL again. There were so many things he wanted to tell him. It’d be impossible to say all the things he wanted to say within this lifetime. He wanted to be alive so that he could live through even a fraction of that.

He wanted to live.

He pushed the knife away. It slid across the floor of WHITE SPACE. OMORI, appalled by this, chased after it and picked it up again. The fabrics of WHITE SPACE flickered rapidly.

SUNNY found himself holding a violin and a bow. He readied the instrument on his shoulder.

Music swelled in the background. It turned to that of a muffle to a booming roar. The waltz continued, but the lead section was absent. He played his part. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, SUNNY began speaking what was in his mind.

He didn’t kill her.

SUNNY played a phrase. OMORI took damage.

MARI killed herself.

SUNNY played a phrase. OMORI took damage.

He was hurting too, but she wasn’t there for him.

SUNNY played a phrase. OMORI took damage.

He should’ve been there for her. But she didn’t accept his help. She didn’t accept anyone’s help.

SUNNY played a phrase. OMORI took damage.

It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t her fault, either. It wasn’t anyone else’s. No one could be responsible for someone’s suicide. Anyone can lose that battle they fight against themselves; even MARI. She wasn’t the perfect sister he thought she was. She never was.

SUNNY played a phrase. OMORI took damage.

This guilt of his - it was made up. He made it up because he couldn’t cope with losing her. The world took her away from them; it almost seemed nonsensical in how such a perfect human being could succumb to her demons like that. He needed an enemy to blame it on. And he himself was the perfect person to pin it on.

SUNNY played a phrase. OMORI took damage.

He told himself he would never forgive himself. But he didn’t need to forgive himself. There was never a need to. He couldn’t let her death define his life.

SUNNY played a phrase. OMORI took damage.

He created OMORI so that he could live in a world without her. But he didn’t need him anymore. He couldn’t keep hurting his friends like this. If he died, that would only lead to more pain. More grief, more loss. It would solve nothing. The cycle had to end.

SUNNY played a phrase.

OMORI stopped resisting. The flickering had stopped, and WHITE SPACE crumbled down just as BLACK SPACE did. OMORI dropped his knife, and it vanished as it collided with the ground. SUNNY’s violin also disappeared into the void at the same time.

SUNNY stepped closer. OMORI’s expression did not change. SUNNY lost his strength; he was bleeding from every possible body part. Before he could fall, OMORI supported him. They hugged each other.

He’s sorry, SUNNY said. Goodbye.

And OMORI faded away.

SUNNY woke up to an unfamiliar ceiling. But this wasn’t his first time.

He was glad it had become unfamiliar again.

Sunlight came through the window. This room was blindingly bright. He frowned and noticed that his vision was significantly thinner than before. He blinked and oh - he wasn’t seeing out of his right eye at all. He put his hand there. It was covered with bandages. But he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to see out of them even if they weren’t covered.

A piercing ache soared through his right eye, or whatever was left of it. It hurt only for a moment, but it was enough to wake him up entirely. It made him realize something.

He was alive.

Despite everything, he survived. Despite it all, he was still him, and he was alive.

Feelings overwhelmed him and he spent a moment just frozen like that. The pain returned. Even though he was in incredible agony, tears would not stop coming out of his eye. He whimpered softly.

He got up from his bed. His body was sore all over. He must have been asleep for a long time. There was a pot of flowers on the drawer next to his bed. They were lilies of the valley.

Actually, the entire room was filled with flowers. Some of them were just on the floor. They must’ve ran out of things to put them on. He found that funny. He went through each one of them and read the notes. He felt like crying again.

He had to see his friends. He needed to confirm this wasn’t another dream.

He wanted to see BASIL.

He opened the door and stepped out of the room. If this was a dream, it felt real enough. He walked across the hallway and it seemed to stretch forever, just like the forest in BLACK SPACE. Remembering that sent a chill down his spine. He desperately hoped he would reach an end.

“Oh - is that you, SUNNY?”

He heard a voice from behind. He hoped to god he wouldn’t see MARI. He slowly turned his head around, dreading what awaited him.

A man was sprinting towards him. Soon, he caught up with SUNNY.

HERO stood in front of him.

“You’re awake! But... What are you doing here?”

HERO was visibly confused, not to mention clearly in a hurry. He was panting like hell. He was also sweating like he had been running for quite some time now.

“You can go back to your room, SUNNY. We’ll come see you, alright?”

HERO started running again, sprinting off to the other hallway to his side.

SUNNY’s heart stopped. And time had stopped with it. He watched HERO run off in slow motion. His old wound in his abdomen ached with pain. The only thing he could hear was his own breathing.

So many thoughts rushed through him. He wanted to know where BASIL was. He wanted to know if he was alright. He was angry at HERO for not giving such basic information. He was sad that he had been reduced to so little to the point where HERO did not trust him to aid in whatever they were in the middle of. And he was happy that this really was HERO, because it meant he was not dreaming. It meant he was still alive, and that this was all real.

With so many emotions soaring through his mind, his body acted first before he could think. His mouth moved, and he put all the strength left in his body into his lungs.

“Wait!”

SUNNY was sure this was the loudest his voice had ever gotten in his entire life.

“Huh?”

HERO turned around. The shock on his face had amplified. He hadn’t ever heard SUNNY speak such a voice before. He had always spoken in a whispery tone, like he didn’t want anyone to hear him.

But SUNNY was so, so tired of everyone pretending he was mute. He was done with not saying what was on his mind. So he used his medium.

“Where is he?” SUNNY asked.

“What do you-”

“BASIL. Where is BASIL?”

HERO avoided SUNNY’s gaze when he heard that name.

“Well,” he began. “I was searching for him. He wasn’t in his room when we went to see him. But don’t worry about it, alright? KEL and AUBREY are looking too. Wait in your room, okay?”

And that was the last thing HERO said before he turned around and left. SUNNY watched his back as he faded off into the endless hallway.

He stood there by himself in the middle of the hallway. He looked to his side and noticed an open door leading to a stairway.

In his mind occupied only one thought: Where would BASIL be? That led to another thought: Where would he go? Where would he have gone if he had succumbed to OMORI?

He walked to the door and began going up the stairs.

He reached the roof in no time. He pushed the metal door with the little strength he had left in his body. The sunlight attacked his eyes as he stepped outside. His vision was blinded, but once he regained his sight, he could see a figure far away. He walked up to them. Inching closer, he recognized the blonde hair of the person standing by the edge.

It was BASIL.

SUNNY’s footsteps made BASIL notice him. He turned his head around to confirm who it was. He smiled when he saw SUNNY. Then he looked in front of him again, staring off into the sky.

“Sunny day today, isn’t it?” BASIL said. “Don't worry about me. I'm just here to finish the job from last night.”

SUNNY stopped. The wind blew by harshly and he winced. It looked like BASIL could lose his momentum any time now. His mind started racing.

“Don't...” SUNNY started speaking before BASIL cut him off.

“What, don't do it?” BASIL scowled. “Are you kidding me, SUNNY? Enough's enough. I'm tired.”

SUNNY resumed his steps.

“Don't come any closer, SUNNY.” BASIL opened his arms out. “If you grab me, I'll just jump with you.“

But with zero hesitation, SUNNY ran up to BASIL and grabbed his arm. BASIL turned his body around and tried to let go of him.

“Wh... What are you doing?!” He yelled. “Let me go! I told you I'll jump! I really am going to!”

“NO!”

SUNNY screamed. BASIL looked at him, dumbfounded. He was much more shocked at the volume of SUNNY’s voice than at the fact that SUNNY was trying to save his life right now.

“You can't.” SUNNY said.

“I killed MARI, SUNNY!” BASIL screamed back, crying. “And I tried to kill you, too! Let me die!”

“I won't let you.”

“Why?! I murdered MARI!”

“MARI KILLED HERSELF.“

He yelled. He was close to tears too, and it showed in his voice.

“I told myself I killed her too. That if I had been there for her, she wouldn't have done it. That if I had never tried to kill myself... Or if I hadn't been born, she would still be here. I kept telling myself that it should've been me who died.”

He said each word clearly and distinctly.

“Not a single day goes by without thinking about what kind of person she would have grown up to be. She was the smartest, kindest person I ever knew. She could've had the world! And what have I been doing? I spent 3 years in my room.”

Tears came out of the one eye he had left. His other eye ached. He clenched onto BASIL’s arm tighter, so tight that it was hurting him. He couldn’t let go.

“But that solved nothing. I didn't realize that KEL and HERO and AUBREY felt so hurt. I didn't even realize you were going through this much.”

His voice grew in intensity. He gulped, which only made his throat hurt more. He continued.

“So I had to stop lying to myself. I had to stop blaming myself, stop telling myself those things. We can't keep doing this, BASIL...“

His voice trailed off, now that of a pleading tone. BASIL stood there, motionless. All he could do was cry as well.

“Because MARI is gone. I didn't kill her, and neither did you. She killed herself. And I loved her, and I will always miss her, but she's dead and we're here. We are still alive. So you can't die, BASIL. If we kill ourselves, then... Then our friends, they'll never stop hurting. And I love them too.”

They looked into each other’s eyes.

“And I love you.”

Hearing that made BASIL stop crying. The moment felt like a frozen frame. He looked into SUNNY’s eyes, not believing the things being said to him. But SUNNY’s tears proved otherwise. SUNNY continued while glaring at BASIL’s stunned face.

“So that's why I won't allow you to die. Stay alive. Alive so we can get through this together. I want to survive in a world without MARI... But I can't do that alone.”

SUNNY tried to find the words; a medium with which he could express these feelings. He had been speaking for such a long time now and he wasn’t sure how long he could do this for.

In the end, all he could think of were just three words. They were all he needed. Three small words.

“I need you.”

SUNNY pulled BASIL back, and they were off the platform. After doing that, his legs gave out. He fell to his knees. Not having anything more to say, he just sobbed into BASIL’s legs.

BASIL stood there, looking down at SUNNY, trying to process everything that had just happened. The chill wind felt refreshing. But he could process none of his thoughts. He was paralyzed. He heard SUNNY sobbing quietly. They were both shaking, and it wasn’t just the cold.

He crouched down. He closed his eyes and hugged SUNNY. SUNNY didn’t know what to do; but after a few seconds, he simply hugged BASIL back. His sobs grew louder. Eventually, he began wailing loudly. He was crying like he was going to rip his throat out. Hugging SUNNY tighter, BASIL also began weeping. They felt each other’s body warmth as the wind brushed against them. They could only hear the sounds of each other’s cries. Terror struck those two boys. They feared death; and with each tear, they felt life.

I’ve been contemplating suicide

But I thought about what if you had died

If you died in my arms with that knife stuck inside

Maybe by now, I’d kill myself

Maybe someday, they’ll forget

Maybe everyone that we called friends will live to move on past ahead

I don’t think I can say that is something I could do

Because you are all I’ve got

You’re my sunshine in the dark

SUNNY, SUNNY, SUNNY

In a world without you

What’s the point of living through?

When I’m the one responsible for this truth

Fight through the storm and rainy weather

Don’t be afraid, we’ll do it together

I'll be your perfect sister

Don’t worry, little brother

Even if I am tarred and feathered

I’m never gone, we’ll do it together

I'll be your perfect sister

Don’t worry, little brother

I heard you making another mistake

I yelled and you cried

It made my heart ache

When I remember, I can’t go to sleep

Keeps me awake

Because better’s not enough

Till you’re perfect, don’t give up

And that was my bluff

What kept me alive

But for you, it made you wish you could die

Because you are all I’ve got

You’re my sunshine in the dark

SUNNY, SUNNY, SUNNY

In a world without you

What’s the point of living through?

When I’m the one responsible for this truth

Fight through the storm and rainy weather

Don’t be afraid, we’ll do it together

I'll be your perfect sister

Don’t worry, little brother

Even if I am tarred and feathered

I’m never gone, we’ll do it together

I'll be your perfect sister

I'll be your perfect sister

END OF ACT 2

LILY OF THE VALLEY: ACT 3

He woke up to an unfamiliar ceiling. It had a dirty and ragged texture; its white colours stained by mold and dust. He’d seen it hundreds of times before, but he will never get used to it. This place will never feel like a home.

He looked around the one-room apartment he inhabited. His parents wanted to afford him a nicer place, but he protested, and chose the cheapest apartment in the city. The walls were run down and the floor was creaking. A single window shined sunlight into the room. There were bars over it, which made the room feel like a prison cell. Hardly anything could be described as ‘furniture’, except for a miniature fridge and a closet. On the ground was a sleeping bag, a laptop, a notebook, and a tissue box. All things that reminded him of a place he’d been before.

He looked up and saw a lightbulb dangling from the torn-out ceiling. It was turned off, since daylight was illuminating the room for now. Still, he stared at the lightbulb, as if something was going to happen. He couldn’t help but feel all of this feels familiar.

But the colours weren’t right.

He opened his eyes. The clock indicated that it was two hours past afternoon.

He opened the laptop. The only icon of any importance was the email client. He opened the software and saw that there was one new mail, entitled ‘Rehearsal’. There were also dozens of unread mails just in the last week alone, from 3 different senders. He opened the newest one.

“Mr. SUZUKI, this is JOHN. Today is the 25th. There is a rehearsal today. For the concert next month. You didn’t forget, right? Please come by this time. If you don’t do your job right, it’ll be mine on the line. Talent and age aren’t always going to be on your side, you know. Anyway, please reply when you see this.”

He sighed. It was JOHN again; the general manager at the orchestra he performed for. He couldn’t piss JOHN off any further. He was on thin ice as it is. The guy was the only reason he got to play anywhere. JOHN even told him if SUNNY kept going at this rate, with his talent, he could even have a solo career. Nice guy, though strict. SUNNY wasn’t sure what he’d do if he lost this gig. He didn’t want to ask his parents to pay rent for him 3 months in a row.

He remembered how confident he was when he first moved into the city. The offer that he got from JOHN to perform for the biggest orchestra in the state shocked everyone. It had barely been 2 years since he had picked the violin up again. His friends and parents were so proud; he could not let them down. The truth was that they all knew he was struggling, even after 2 years of gigs and studio sessions. Maybe this music thing just won’t work out for him, after all. How could he go back to his hometown after everything, though?

He powered off the laptop without replying. He grumbled and was about to head outside for the venue when he realized something.

The 25th. Today was that day. Everything clicked.

He stood up and grabbed his coat. Now was not the time for this, he muttered to himself. He could figure all this out or have an early midlife crisis later. Right now, it was time to go back home.

It would take 2 hours by bus to get to FARAWAY TOWN from the city. A long ride back home on a shaky, barely populated bus. He leaned back and pulled out his MP3 player.

There was a time when music made him want to die. There was a time when music only reminded him of awful things. His worst mistakes, his worst regrets. There was a time when playing the violin felt like he was stabbing himself. It felt suffocating. There was a time when listening to a waltz triggered panic attacks. Those were bygone days. Look at him now. The violin was literally what kept him alive. It was no longer a reminder of painful memories; he had turned it into a medium which would express that pain.

Sometimes, he wondered whether she’d be proud of him. He remembered the songs she’d sing for him when she locked herself in that piano room. His player was full of music that reminded him of her songs.

He put on his headphones and closed his eyes.

Memories are a medium - a voice inside of him once said. He could only visit his memories in his dreams now.

The day when he left town - the town where his memories came from.

The sun was setting. Orange coloured the streets and their shadows darkened deeper. It was quiet by the bus stop. He sat on the bench by himself while the three of them stood around him. When they could see the bus slowly approaching from the horizon, he stood up as well. He turned around to look at all of them.

“So this is goodbye for now, huh?” AUBREY said.

He nodded.

“Be sure to check your emails, okay? I’m gonna send you so many!” KEL grinned.

“I will.” He replied.

“We’ll miss you.” BASIL said.

“You’re thinking about how you want to go with him, don’t you?” KEL elbowed his shoulder and AUBREY chuckled.

“What? No...” BASIL blushed. “I hope everything works out with your music.”

“Tch, you don’t have to be shy about it.” She rolled her eyes.

He laughed, which made all of them turn their heads to him.

“I’ll miss you too, BASIL.” He told him.

“Wait, what about us?!” KEL yelled.

“I will think about it.”

The bus stopped behind him. The door opened, and he climbed it up one step. He turned his head to look at his friends for the last time. They were waving and BASIL tried to hide his tears. He smiled back at all of them.

SUNNY went inside the bus, and the door closed.

The first place he visited after arriving was the cemetery.

He exited the bus. He felt a sharp pain in his abdomen. He panicked for a moment and wondered if the wound was opening up again. The driver asked if he was okay. As the pain subsided, he assured the driver that he was fine and set foot on the ground.

This was a curse - that was how he liked to call it. This curse in his stomach reminded him of a horrible mistake he made every time it ached again. A mistake that he could never take back. It was his mistake, and he had to live with it; same went for his missing eye. If there is anything he would like to take back, it would be everything that happened after he got the scar.

He soaked in the scenery on his way to the church. Never change, FARAWAY. Never change. He muttered to himself.

It was a Monday, 4 PM, so there weren't many people at the church. The priest stood atop the podium alone, reading his scriptures. He walked to the backdoor that led to the cemetery, when the priest noticed the man. He recognized the priest, but the priest did not recognize him. He felt sad that he was apparently unrecognizable to the old timer. Was it the eye patch or the longer hair? The man swore he’d been here before, since having to wear the eye patch. The man eventually carried on his way and headed for the cemetery.

The wind shook up the autumn leaves. It was October, so it was getting chilly. The man tugged on his trench coat. He had always thought that for a graveyard, this place seemed more alive than most places in the town. Maybe it was all the trees, or the flowers people left behind. He used to dread having to come to this place. So he locked himself in his room instead. The first time he had to confront that reality, he could only do it because his friend was there for him. Now, visiting her grave almost felt comforting.

Not that he thought about dying. He hadn’t thought about killing himself in a very long time.

He walked up to the grave with the white egret orchids. He examined the engraving on the stone. A never changing set of words were inscribed here.

“ROSEMARIE SUZUKI

1986 - 2002

OUR DEAREST MARI
THE SUN SHINED BRIGHTER WHEN SHE WAS HERE.”

He crouched down and cleaned some leaves off. There was not a lot of dust here. Someone must have been taking well care of this grave. The man had a guess as to who it was and figured he should thank them later. He stood up again and stared down at the dirt.

Today was exactly 7 years since she passed.

He wasn’t sure what to do or say here. He was always more of a listener than a speaker. Every time he came here by himself, he wasn’t sure what he should do. When he used to come here with his friends, he simply listened to what they had to tell her. That was what he did - listen. But what was he supposed to do by himself? He felt like he had so many things to tell her, but none of them really came out. Apologies, asking for forgiveness... He was over all of that. He had never truly moved on, but he had forgiven himself and believed she had forgiven him as well. So was there anything he could say at this point?

So he just stood there. The wind kept blowing by. He read the inscribed phrase over and over again with his one eye. Without a word, he stood in front of that grave for what feels like hours. But this was nothing. He could never get that time with her back. The least he could do was stay by her side for a little bit longer. He kept his post, not moving an inch, and staring down at the headstone. Almost as if he was...

“Waiting for something to happen?”

The man turned around. There was another man with blonde hair walking up to him. He was wearing overalls with an apron on top. It looked like he was working not too long ago. He was holding a watering pot in one hand and a plastic bag in another. He smiled as he approached the man.

“BASIL,” SUNNY muttered.

“You know, if we had known you were coming back, we would’ve prepared a whole party and everything.”

BASIL said, as he walked past SUNNY and stood in front of MARI’s grave.

“That’s why I didn’t call.” SUNNY shrugged.

“How long has it been since you came home - a year? Don’t tell me you were gonna leave without checking up on them.”

“No...” He avoided eye contact with BASIL. “Maybe.”

BASIL sighed. “AUBREY and KEL are always complaining about how you don’t reply to any of their mails.”

“Well, perhaps they should consider that I am just a very shy guy.”

“Yeah, but you read all of mine and call every day?”

“You know that’s different...”

He glanced back at BASIL. He was chuckling. There was a smug look on his face. It made SUNNY hide his face as he blushed.

“It’s still hard to face them.” SUNNY said, as he looked at the grave. “Where are they anyway?”

“They’re at my shop right now. They help me out sometimes.”

“Seriously?” He frowned and looked at BASIL in shock. “AUBREY, I get it, but KEL?”

“That’s the thing, she keeps him in check. They won’t let me pay them anyway. I think she still feels guilty about everything.”

“What about POLLY?”

“Groceries. I couldn’t have her work, I owe her too much.”

BASIL walked past SUNNY and crouched down by the grave. He pulled out some fertilizer from the bag he was holding. He used a spoon to measure the amount with precision and put them in the dirt inside the pot. He cleaned everything else around it, but did not have to do much since SUNNY had done that earlier already.

He rose up and stood next to SUNNY.

“Has it really been 7 years?”

“Yes.” SUNNY nodded.

“Have you ever gotten used to it? Not living without her.”

“Maybe,” he said solemnly. “Maybe never. Maybe I will never get used to it.”

“It’s just not fair. It’s not fair that we’re still here and she isn’t.”

“But we are here. We’re alive. We survived.”

“Yeah.” BASIL shook his head. “Sometimes, it’s hard to keep on going, but...”

BASIL turned his head to SUNNY, and he looked at BASIL too.

“I guess I just try to remember what you told me that day.”

The wind blew by. BASIL winced when it flew beside him. The cold was becoming unbearable. BASIL clenched onto his shoulders. SUNNY saw him and turned around.

“Let’s go.” He faced towards the exit.

“Are you done? You can stay with her longer, we’ll meet up later.”

“No. I want to see them.”

“Oh, sure...”

Before BASIL could finish his sentence, SUNNY was already on the move.

“Wait, SUNNY!”

BASIL chased after him. They went into the church. SUNNY didn’t waste any time, and they went back out into the streets. They wandered around town. The thought of letting SUNNY know that this was not the way to his flower shop crossed BASIL’s mind a few times, but he stayed quiet. SUNNY had always been a boy of few words; though BASIL may have been the sole witness to the moment when he spoke the most in his life. They shared that bond together; a connection which made them one another’s reason for living.

That’s why BASIL could tell SUNNY wasn’t lost. Maybe he wanted to go back to that time when they were kids, and just walking around the town felt like a big adventure to be had. BASIL didn’t question it because he was simply happy to walk beside SUNNY; glad to breathe the same air, living in the same time and space as him. After all that they’ve been through, even being alive by each other’s side felt like a privilege.

AUBREY sorted through the piles of receipts. She laid them out on the counter next to the cash register and started writing down numbers on a notepad. Beeps came out from the calculator she had beside her as she pushed buttons and wrote the additions and subtractions.

BASIL was never good with numbers. If it wasn’t for her, AUBREY was convinced he would have gone into bankruptcy at this point. That boy was never meant to be an entrepreneur. But who was to tell him no? Technically, BASIL’s shop was only an extension of FIX-IT’s flower section, which was given its own store at OTHERMART, and he was under their employment. When he told them this wild idea to start a flower shop slash cafe, they thought he was joking. A few months later, with some papers signed, he showed them the place. His parents had funded the initial costs.

God, she wished her family was rich too. She was running two part-time jobs at the same time just to pay her college tuition. Not counting this one, of course; she couldn’t take anything from BASIL. Not when she took away so much.

Also, it wasn’t like he was raking in profit. If these numbers indicated anything, at least. AUBREY sighed.

The sounds of beeping and pencil scratches were buried out by crumbles. Initially, she tried to ignore it and continued her calculations. But the crumbles just kept getting louder and louder until it became unbearable. She put down the pencil. She closed her eyes. She tried breathing in and out; just like how MARI taught her how to calm down. In moments of anger, memories of her always proved to provide solace; even though there was once a time when those memories were the source of that anger.

It was too bad that the noise did not stop, and it didn’t become any less obnoxious.

She opened her eyes and looked in the direction where they were coming from. KEL was sitting by a table with a basket on it. He was shuffling stuff on it. He stopped for a moment and put his hand on his chin, contemplating. Then he continued again, and rinse and repeat.

“KEL.”

She said nicely, or as nice as she could muster. He did not respond, and the noise continued. So he left her no choice.

“KEL!”

She banged her fist on the counter. The impact produced a large bump sound and shook some of the receipts away. That got KEL’s attention, and he looked her way, awkwardly grinning.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m sorting out the sugar packets.”

She stared at him, dumbfounded. KEL shrugged.

“You are doing what?”

“Yeah, cause this stuff is a mess. There’s sugar, coffee, tea, they’re all different colours too.” He shuffled through them with his fingers.

“Since when were you the organized type?”

“Well, I’m not, which is why it’s still like this.”

She stood up to look at the contents of the basket. They were completely disorganized, and nothing had been done to clean it. It almost seemed like he had made it worse by just moving certain packets randomly to the other side.

AUBREY groaned. “Maybe you should go grab a mop and do something more productive.”

“Whaaat?” KEL whined. “But that sounds boring!”

“Would it be any more boring than sorting out sugar packets?” She seethed through her voice.

“Good point.”

KEL got up from his seat and walked past AUBREY behind the counter. He grabbed the broom, which was leaning against a wall, and went back to the main area. He began humming a tune as he swept the floor.

AUBREY sighed and sat down again. The counter was missing some receipts and the pencil. She found the pencil on the floor and reached down to grab it.

“Oh, yeah.” KEL stopped sweeping and looked at AUBREY. “AUBREY, you done with the history assignment yet?”

“What?” She set the pencil down. “Yeah, I got that done a week ago.”

“Show me later then.”

“WHAT?” She yelled this time. “That’s due this Friday, you’re still not done?”

“Not my fault the basketball club needed some help this week.”

“You should have told them no!”

“And NOT show them my hoops??? I barely get to be on the court nowadays!”

“Professor Beaufort is going to rain down thunder on you.”

“Pleeeease, AUBREY?” KEL clasped his hands together. “Help me out?”

It was her fault that she couldn’t stop him from going to the same college as her. It was her fault that she decided to be a teacher. She saw SUNNY chase after his passion and watched BASIL pursue his dream life. High school was nearing its end, and she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. That was when she realized she didn’t have a dream like them. The only thing she cared about was her friends, and making sure nothing like what happened in the past happened again.

That made her think about her school life. It sucked, honestly. The teachers she ran into never cared about her home situation. When she couldn’t get to school early because the bruises from the night before hurt so much in the morning, they didn’t even ask her anything and reprimanded her. When they called her family, that piece of shit that they called her father assured them nothing was wrong. When she was hurting from MARI’s death, that was when they finally cared; but all they did was ask careless questions, which pissed her off.

It made her realize she would want nothing more than a world where another child like her wouldn’t have to go through the same thing. It wasn’t like she had much to lose in life anyway. What was so wrong with a reckless dream like that? It was a stupid dream suited for a life as absurd as AUBREY’s.

When she told this to her friends, KEL decided on the spot that he would do the same. He hadn’t really considered his future either, so when AUBREY talked about being a teacher, that seemed like a good idea to him. He figured he could be a Phys Ed teacher. And despite protests from both AUBREY and BASIL, KEL did not falter. And she had to give him credit; he wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to go to the same school as her. He studied seriously for the entrance exam. That was the first time AUBREY saw him study for anything. She considered it inspiring, even. KEL seemed fitting for her; an asinine partner in crime for her asinine dream.

But it seemed like that was a fluke, because she had not seen him study once since then. She had to wonder if a guy who did not study could even get anyone else to study.

AUBREY put her hand over her face and sighed. After groaning into her hand one last time, she faced KEL. Her fierce glare scared him into submission, and he cowered.

“Fine.” She said. “But you owe me a GINO’s pizza.”

KEL’s face lit up. “Thanks, AUBREY!”

KEL excitedly started sweeping the floor again. AUBREY chuckled and sighed again. She stretched her arm. She laid her head on the counter and tried to catch a nap for a minute. Her head was hurting from all that had just transpired.

The front door opened, and the bell rang. AUBREY woke up from her daze. She recited a memorized phrase before she could even see who had come in.

“Welcome. Sorry, BASIL isn’t h-”

When she saw the person standing by the doorway, her jaw dropped. KEL had already rushed toward him. It took another moment and KEL yelling in joy until she realized who it really was. She stood up and walked past the counter.

SUNNY finally found BASIL’s flower shop. It was in the very corner of OTHERMART. An unfortunate spot, but he also found it fitting. The sign read “ORCHID”. There was an “OPEN” sign hung on the door. In the front, there was an assortment of flora that was arranged next to the door. Tulips, orchids, lilies, gladiolus, and - And cactus? He snickered. It was very much like BASIL to pick these flowers for exhibition.

While SUNNY was looking at the flowers, BASIL opened the door and went inside ahead of him. He expected to see AUBREY at the counter and KEL doing something dumb. Maybe she would be in the middle of a scolding.

But what he found were AUBREY and KEL standing in the middle of the shop, smiles on their faces and surrounding another man. As the bell rang and BASIL entered, the man turned around and greeted him.

“Oh, hey, BASIL.”

“H-HERO?” BASIL said.

“Dude, look at who we found!” KEL said eagerly.

“We didn’t find him, KEL. He came here.” AUBREY said.

“Haha... You guys are the same, huh.” HERO laughed.

“HERO, aren’t you busy with your residency?” BASIL asked.

“Yeah, but I had an excuse to visit somewhere near here. So I might have sneaked out just for today...”

“Wow, HERO! I am proud of you, bro!” KEL held HERO’s shoulder.

“Thanks.”

“Well, look at who I found...”

SUNNY had been listening to everything from behind. When BASIL gave him a cue and turned around, he stepped into the shop. He heard multiple gasps.

“SUNNY?!” AUBREY was the first one to shout.

“SUNNY!”

KEL went in for a hug. SUNNY swiftly dodged and slid next to BASIl, also closing the door in the process. KEL ran face first into the door. But he barely reacted and went in for another hold. This time, BASIL was blocking his way, so SUNNY had no way out. KEL tackled him into an inescapable hug. BASIL watched as he giggled.

“Dude, it’s been so long since we last saw you!”

“I saw you last month, KEL.” SUNNY groaned. “When you barged into my apartment uninvited.”

“What? You did that?” AUBREY said. BASIL could not hold his laughter.

“Yeah, I just asked his mom for the address.” KEL looked at AUBREY as he held SUNNY tighter.

It was true. One day, KEL simply showed up at the door of SUNNY's room. SUNNY was flabbergasted, as none of his friends visited him before. They would occasionally meet up somewhere in the city that was closer to FARAWAY. He didn’t want to cram them into his awful one-room apartment. However, KEL asserted himself into the place before SUNNY could even process everything.

When asked how he got there, KEL simply answered, “I took the bus.”

KEL came there because he felt this terrible deja vu all that morning. It was very much like the weight that he once felt 2 years ago. He knew SUNNY was fine. He wouldn’t kill himself. Probably.

But he realized he couldn’t take chances with ‘probably’. That was why they almost lost both of them that day. HERO once told him after all of that happened; “We can’t make the same mistake twice.” KEL agreed. That’s why even though SUNNY didn’t live with them anymore, they remained in contact with each other. They would never stop being friends.

But sometimes, you just want to see an old friend’s face even if you know he’s doing fine. Mails and phone calls just didn’t satiate it. KEL was never a sentimental guy, but on that day, on an impulse, he decided he wanted to see SUNNY. As soon as college classes were over, he told AUBREY to go on ahead (They always took the bus back home together) and he called SUNNY’s mother. While on the phone, he started heading to the bus stop that led to the city.

“Get off of him, will you!”

AUBREY finally wrestled him away from SUNNY. KEL let out a yelp, but he did not dare resist AUBREY. SUNNY tried to regain his breath after having been suffocated by KEL’s grasp. BASIL put a hand on his back.

HERO found all of this amusing and laughed. His laughter made SUNNY take notice of him. They stared at each other in silence. It was a brief but uncomfortable moment for everyone.

“Hey, SUNNY.” HERO spoke up.

“Hi, HERO.”

“...Yeah.”

HERO scratched his head. AUBREY noticed the awkward air and elbowed KEL. He cried out in pain, “what for?!”. SUNNY chuckled at that, while BASIL tried to hide his smile. KEL’s arm hurt, but he was laughing too. It was amazing how a little violence could resolve a situation so effectively.

All four of them glanced at each other.

“I can’t believe all of us are here again.” KEL said. “What was the last time when we were all in one place like this?”

“It was 2 years ago - the last time I visited town before SUNNY left.” HERO answered.

“Wow...” KEL couldn’t even process that information properly. “So SUNNY, what’s the occasion?”

“KEL...” BASIL looked at him worriedly.

“Dude, are you fucking kidding me?” AUBREY frowned at him. She sounded genuinely mad.

“Wha-” KEL looked at HERO. Even he had a look of disappointment in him. Once KEL stared at his face long enough, he figured it out.

“Ohhh...” He said. “Damn, I’m so freaking sorry, SUNNY...”

“It’s fine.” SUNNY replied. “Last year, I was too busy. I was too busy today too, actually. I missed a rehearsal...”

“Is that fine?” AUBREY asked.

“I don’t care. I dropped everything in my schedule when I realized which day it was today. Lately, it’s like the days have been going by and I can’t even tell the passage of time anymore.”

HERO nodded in empathy. KEL noticed him nodding along. The pieces were finally coming together.

“So, HERO, that means...” KEL said.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I wanted to see Mom and Dad and you guys too, of course, but she...” He paused for a moment. “I had to come see her.”

“We were just there now.” BASIL said. “Did you want to go now?”

“Did you want to do anything else, SUNNY?” HERO looked at him.

“I...” SUNNY looked out the window. “I want to go home.”

“Oh.” HERO seemed surprised.

“Are your parents in town?” BASIL asked.

“At this time of day, I doubt it. I bet Dad followed Mom to one of those bargain sales. I know where the key is, though.”

“Hey, I wanted to go see MARI too...” AUBREY said.

“Hmm.” HERO leaned against a wall and contemplated. “How about this?”

“You can go to your house, SUNNY. We’ll go see MARI, drop by our place, and meet up with you there later in the day.”

“I’ll go with him.” BASIL said.

“Will the shop be fine, BASIL?”

“I can close it for the day. It’s not every day that we’re all in town.”

“Sounds good.” AUBREY said.

They all stepped outside of the shop. BASIL locked the door and flipped the ‘OPEN’ sign to ‘CLOSED’. They went out of OTHERMART. HERO wanted to get some stuff for his parents back at the mart. The three of them stayed behind as SUNNY and BASIL stepped forward into the streets.

“See you later, SUNNY!” KEL waved.

SUNNY smiled as he waved back. He turned around to BASIL. SUNNY extended a hand out to him. BASIL was surprised at first, but he soon smiled again and took SUNNY’s hand. They held each other’s hands and started walking. This time, both of them knew their exact path.

The house looked the same as ever. SUNNY walked up to the beige tinted front door. He crouched down and put his hand under the rug in front of it. He chuckled when he found a key in the same spot he remembered. He unlocked the door and the two of them stepped inside.

The lights were off. But since it was daytime, they had no problem seeing anything. SUNNY and BASIL looked around the living room. SUNNY felt a tranquil nostalgia seeping in. His parents left the arrangement of furniture exactly the same as 2 years ago. The same flowers still grew in the same pots. But the couch looked slightly worn down since last time. The fireplace was left extinguished. And their family picture remained hung next to the glass door to the backyard.

Their picture, containing his parents, himself, and MARI. She smiled back at him from the photo. He could clearly make her out, even with only dim sunlight.

He opened the door to the yard. BASIL followed. They walked across the yard until SUNNY stopped his tracks beside the tree. The gigantic tree stood as large as ever, though it seemed like its leaves withered amidst the winter. Still, it was bountiful enough that each gust of wind scattered many of them about.

The only sign of inorganic growth was one of the branches, which was cut off. He stared into the small stump left in the body. It was like a tumor was removed. He turned around to see BASIL. BASIL looked like he was about to cry. He also stared into the tree, and subsequently, the stump; this must have been his first time seeing it for himself. He turned his head and met eyes with SUNNY.

SUNNY walked up to BASIL. Before he could break into tears, BASIL stepped closer and buried his face in SUNNY’s chest. SUNNY held the back of his head. BASIL quietly sniffled into his chest.

They climbed up to the treehouse. SUNNY had been here 4 years before. But BASIL, again, hadn’t seen it for 7 years. He walked to the middle of the room and sat down, cross-legged. He looked around the interiors, smiling and starry-eyed, like he was a kid again. It was run down, hadn't been maintained in almost a decade, covered in vines and populated by dust; and yet, it didn’t seize to amaze BASIL. SUNNY had been through this a few years ago already, so he simply leaned his back against the wall and watched.

He turned his head to the drawers. THe didn’t closely inspec what was there that day, because they aot too busy with the photo album. He skimmed through the stuff that was on it. The toaster, the pillow, the bat, the photo - The photo? He didn’t remember seeing that.

The picture was on top of the drawers. Dust was covering it up, so it must have been practically glued here for a long time. He picked it up and scattered the dust away. It was a picture all of them after they had completed the treehouse. It was the final photo for the album that they never found.

The album was back at SUNNY’s apartment in the city. So unfortunately, they wouldn’t be able to complete it. But SUNNY was glad they had found it at last, though it still perplexed him why they could not find this on that day. Nevertheless, SUNNY intended to carry this with him so that he could complete the album back at his place. Before he put it in his pocket, he flipped the photo around with little thought.

A chill went down his spine. A key was taped on the back, along with a message written in her handwriting.

DON’T FORGET IT’S IN THE TOYBOX.

“What’s wrong, SUNNY?” BASIL asked, still sitting.

“...BASIL, come look at this.”

BASIL was confused, but he stood up and went to SUNNY’s side. SUNNY showed him the photo.

“Oh, it’s us... A photo that I took? Gosh, how long ago was this...” BASIL muttered to himself. He smiled, still soaked in nostalgia.

“Look.” SUNNY flipped the photo around.

“Wait, what?” He saw the key and the message. “But I didn’t...”

“She wrote this.”

These three words struck a sense of dread into both of them. They stared at each other, both of their faces mixed with fear and realization. They turned their heads to the photo at the same time.

“This key...” BASIL said, his voice carrying weight on them. “The toybox, where is that?”

“...”

The toybox - there could only be one toybox she could mean. SUNNY stared at the message as his mind raced. Where was it now? The last time he saw it, he must’ve been 12. Perhaps it was the day before the recital, when everyone was at the house together. Had it really been that long?

This was no time to think. One good habit he’d picked up on was acting before thinking. He carried the photo and climbed down from the treehouse. BASIL called out his name as he followed.

As he walked across the yard, he realized that there were only two places it could be in. The piano room or the storage room. He wanted to save going to the piano room for last. Once he was back inside the house, he immediately walked to the storage room.

The door opened with ease. This room was completely dark, as it had no windows and the lights were off. But he could not find the switch. He opened the door completely so that he could make out the objects in the room. There were mostly boxes sealed with tapes, tattered books and busted up machinery. However, in the room's corner, he found the toybox, locked tight with a lock.

He crouched down and pulled out the photo. He ripped the key off from the back. Then he unlocked the toybox and opened the chest. In this part of the room, the light was barely reaching there at all. A bright light appeared and illuminated the inside of the box. SUNNY looked behind. BASIL was shining his phone at the toybox.

Inside the toybox, he could not find a single toy inside it. Instead, it contained a variety of objects that he could only assume belonged to MARI. The most noticeable thing was all the audio tapes. There must have been dozens of them; he guessed the quantity was close to 50. It was like the box couldn’t even contain them all. He got some of them out just so he could see the deeper parts of the box. Each tape had a label to them; most of them a simple number, like ‘72’ or ‘45’. While most of them were simply scattered around the box, 10 specific tapes were all arranged neatly. He left those as is.

There were also papers. These papers contained sheet music with words written on them as well. But none of them seemed to be full tracks, and they seemed more like scratches and notes than fully notated pieces. Everything was handwritten.

As he got the tapes out, he also found keyboards buried deeper inside. He remembered how she used to play him songs on these before the arrival of OMORI - her piano. He didn’t know they had kept these. He pulled them out of the box, and some tapes that were on top of them fell down. He could finally see the bottom. It was like everything was trying to conceal this last object.

It was his violin, broken and in pieces. Every shard and teared off string lied at the bottom of the toybox. He picked the body up. The neck was completely separated. It was most likely beyond repair.

He put it back down. He just stared at it aimlessly for a few seconds. With each passing moment, it hurt more to look. Why hadn’t he wondered about where this went to all this time? He felt incredibly dumb that he asked no one about it. But maybe it was more like he didn’t want to think about it. His impulsive decision that night was the same decision which started the downward spiral that led to all of this in his life. It all started with this violin. Perhaps he subconsciously concluded that not thinking about it was the best way to let it go; however, that proved to be difficult with this current situation. He had no choice but to face it.

He put the tapes and instruments back in the box again. He lifted the toybox as he rose. BASIL turned off the light and helped him carry it. SUNNY led the way, and they came out from the room. They carried the box to the piano room. SUNNY asked BASIL to open the door. He held the box by himself as BASIL opened it. Then they carried the box into the room together.

They sat the toybox down in the middle. The piano room was exactly the same as it was 4 years ago, when he was in here with HERO. It was dustier and even had spider webs on the corners now, but the arrangement of boxes and papers remained the same. And most important of all, OMORI stood in its perpetual state in the middle, beckoning to the two of them.

The lights turned on. BASIL had found the switch. They looked around the room together. With the lights on, it didn’t take long for them to find a box with a tape player on top of it. He opened the toybox. The tapes had become disarranged while being carried over there. He skimmed through all the tapes until he found one that wasn’t simply labelled with a number. This one had the word ‘Rosemarie’ underlined on it.

SUNNY opened the player, inserted the tape and closed it. He pressed the play button and sound began to fill the desolate room.

A song started playing. Piano. A voice joined.

They listened to the music.

Cover up everything

Cover up every single thing

Hide every record of you ever knowing me at all

Confiscate all that’s sharp

Anything that could break your heart

Hide all the evidence

The proof of my crimes

Stains of my fall

Brother, would you help me out?

Is there anything allowed

Can I keep a memory

Or that song you played for me

You burn a memory

Extinguish it and there’s nothing left

The last time I heard you say my name

You wanted to die through all the pain

If no one will ever say it again

‘ROSEMARIE’ is just another corpse

Hang me up in the yard

My thoughts will follow you into your dreams

Sunshine, would you help me out?

I swear I can show you how

I promise I’ll be kinder now

Can I even say sorry now

Music reverberated through these walls for the first time in nearly a decade. The hollowing noise of her last moments lingered on. Even when the song was done and only echoes remained, he could not move nor speak.

BASIL slowly turned around to face SUNNY. He seemed just as shook.

“SUNNY, that was...”

SUNNY looked down and saw all the tapes. He looked back at BASIL and said.

“We need to call them here.”

It was at KEL and HERO’s house. The three of them were in the brothers’ room. AUBREY and KEL were engaging in a fierce duel while playing a racing game. HERO was sitting on his bed, reading a book.

AUBREY flailed her body around as she made bold drifts to secure her victory. Her hair fluttered as she mimicked the moves of her vehicle in the game. AUBREY’s hair was back to being dark, but traces of pink were left on the edges of her hair. KEL stayed rigid while sitting cross-legged. His eyes were completely fixed on the screen as he focused all of his brain muscles on beating his opponent. He was sweating like hell, despite not moving at all.

HERO observed the two of them and chuckled. He tried to play a round before, but he had no idea how to use this new controller. It looked like a TV remote and he couldn’t figure it out at all. Video games have sure come far, he thought. He remembered playing Super Mario 64 when he was 10. It was a life-changing experience. Games had gone from looking like cartoon animations to being third dimensional, like real life. KEL would watch him play with star-struck eyes. Of course, HERO would let him play too. It was all so simple back then.

His phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket. The bell was drowned out by the sound of AUBREY yelling; he guessed that she lost. HERO opened the phone. It was from BASIL - were they done already? He answered it.

“Hello?”

“Oh, HERO, hey...” There was a tremor in BASIL’s voice.

“What’s up, BASIL?”

“You guys need to come here. Right now.”

“Hmm?”

“To SUNNY’s parents’ house. We found something.”

“Found what?”

“You just have to hear it.”

‘Hear’ it? Not see? HERO was confused.

“Please, bring the other two as well.”

“Alright...” HERO said. “See you there, then.”

“Yeah.”

HERO closed the phone. He looked at KEL and AUBREY. She was rearing for another round; she probably wouldn’t settle down until she got to win at least once. KEL was giggling, confident he could win again.

He stood up and got their attention. He told them he got a call from BASIL, and that they had to go to SUNNY’s house. The two of them was just as confused as HERO. But AUBREY did not want to leave BASIL waiting, so she stood up and started packing. KEL turned off the console.

Because SUNNY didn’t live there anymore, they had little reason to go over to their house anymore. Of course, KEL and HERO’s family remained good friends with his family. But the last time they’d gone inside the house was 2 years ago.

They stood in front of the door. They weren’t sure if it’d be alright to go in. HERO seemed to find the house daunting, while KEL stared at the door. AUBREY wasn’t amused. She put her hand on her hip.

“Maybe we should ring the bell?” KEL asked, turning his face to her.

AUBREY sighed. She walked past him and started banging on the door loudly. HERO jumped at that. KEL couldn’t really say anything because he didn’t have a better idea. AUBREY stopped ‘knocking’ (which was more like property damage) and waited for a few seconds. When she raised her hand to do it again, the door finally opened.

BASIL opened the door. AUBREY cleared the frown off of her face and greeted him with a smile. KEL waved from behind. BASIL’s face seemed much darker than how it was earlier in the day. He led them inside the house.

The lights were off. The day was getting darker, and it was hard to make out the way. HERO, in particular, was growing pale. His heart was pumping faster.

“So what’s this about, BASIL?” KEL said on the way.

“Um... I’m not sure how to explain.”

“Where’s SUNNY?” AUBREY asked.

“Oh, that’s where we’re going.”

As he finished saying this, they arrived at the piano room. The door was open, and music was coming out from it. At first, they thought someone must’ve been playing the piano. But when they peeked beyond the door, they saw SUNNY, standing in front of a tape player. In his hands were dozens of tapes. He stopped the music, pulled a tape out, put another one in, and started playing a new one.

“He’s been doing this for the last hour.”

BASIL stepped inside the piano room, and the others followed him in. He stood beside the toybox on the floor, and everyone stared at it. BASIL began explaining.

“We found a key in the treehouse. It was for this box in the storage room - you guys all remember this, right? SUNNY used to put all his toys here. We used to pull them out to play together. Well, it had all this stuff on it. The tapes...”

The music stopped again. They turned around to SUNNY. He had finally taken notice of them. He put the tapes down and approached them.

“You came.”

SUNNY crouched down and started pulling tapes out from it again.

“SUNNY, what is all this?” HERO finally asked what was on everyone’s minds.

“I think it’ll be easier if you just listen.”

SUNNY put the tapes down on a box next to the one that had the tape recorder on top. He neatly arranged them in order; all 10 of them. Each of them had a label on it, prefaced by a number.

1. Rosemarie
2. The Park
3. The Valley
4. Love
5. Sister
6. Hero
7. The Midnight
8. Omori
9. Letters
10. Sunny

He picked up the tape labelled ‘Rosemarie’ and put it in the player. He glanced back at the four of them briefly, as if to signal that they should prepare themselves, and then pressed the play button.

So they listened.

40 minutes passed. They heard all 10 songs. None of them said a single word during the process.

AUBREY was crying and trying not to show it.

HERO looked like he was about to throw up.

KEL was dumbfounded. He could only glance at the others’ reactions to know what he should be feeling.

BASIL felt like something was pulling him down. He sat down on the floor.

SUNNY remained expressionless.

“So... What was that?” KEL broke the silence.

“MARI...” HERO clenched his chest. “That was her.”

“She must’ve recorded these in this room.” BASIL said. “Before she... passed away.”

“She didn’t come out of this room for a year, right?” AUBREY asked, wiping the tears off of her eyes.

“Yeah.”

“This is the last trace of her life left in this world.” HERO mumbled to himself.

AUBREY sniffed. KEL, for whatever reason, had a tissue and handed it to her, but she refused. SUNNY stood in front of the piano, staring off into the silent tape player. HERO stood still, his face dark and ill. He hunched down.

“HERO, what’s wrong?” KEL asked him.

“I feel sick.” HERO leaned his back against the wall. “She was crying out for help. These songs, they have her anguish, her pain in them. Like she distilled it into music. They sound like death.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, but I have to agree.” AUBREY crossed her arms, trying to pretend she didn’t cry just now. “It creeped me out, honestly.”

“I thought they were beautiful.” BASIL said.

“She was such a talented singer!” Now that he processed what he just heard, KEL became excited. “I never knew she sang.”

“And the songs... She was only 16, yet aren’t these incredibly written?” BASIL stared down at a paper containing sheet music on the floor.

“Yeah. The piano playing is perfect too.” AUBREY nodded.

BASIL glanced around at everyone, then looked away. He repeated this a few times, like he was trying to figure out the right time to say something. AUBREY noticed him.

“BASIL, I feel like you have something you want to say.” AUBREY said.

“It’s because you won’t like it.” BASIL didn’t meet her eyes.

“It’s alright, dude. We’re with you.” KEL said.

“Yeah.” AUBREY smiled when BASIL finally glanced back at her.

BASIL took a deep breath. He stood up on his feet.

“Okay... I think people should hear these songs.”

“...What?” AUBREY’s smile faded away.

“I don’t know how. Maybe it can be an album. Or something, I don’t know. We just can’t let her efforts go wasted.”

“...You...”

“I agree!” KEL seemed excited. “I’m sure MARI would’ve wanted people to hear her sing too.”

“Wait, stop!”

AUBREY yelled. The two of them stared back at her. HERO kept avoiding their eyes and SUNNY didn’t even look at any of them. AUBREY furrowed her brow.

“We’re not doing that.”

“Huh?” KEL wasn’t sure why she was acting this way.

“MARI is dead. She’s not here to make that call. How could anyone decide that for themselves?”

“But wouldn’t she have wanted that anyway?”

“And how do you know that?”

“She loved being in the spotlight! She could be world famous with these songs.”

“Oh, after she hanged herself, that is?” AUBREY shrugged sarcastically. “What good is that for?”

“That’s a little…” BASIL tried to interject.

“You’re so naive, KEL. I guess you were always like that, though.”

“Wha-” KEL gasped. “Why are you so mean, AUBREY! HERO, tell her something!”

“...KEL.”

HERO raised his face. He finally made eye contact with the three of them. His face was dark and tired. He looked at BASIL.

“We can’t do this. It’s not right.”

“HERO...” BASIL said.

“These songs, aren’t they addressed to someone?”

“Yes...” BASIL nodded. “They are all addressed to SUNNY.”

“These songs were meant for him. We have no right to decide what happens to them.”

“Then, SUNNY... What do you think?”

“...”

SUNNY turned his head towards them but lowered it so he still wasn’t facing them. He remained silent.

“Oh, okay. It’s alright if you need more time to think.”

“I don’t care what SUNNY thinks, frankly.” AUBREY said. “Even if he wants to, I am against it.”

BASIL frowned. “AUBREY, I’m sorry, but that’s so selfish.”

“It’s like we’re digging up her grave! Gravediggers, all of us...”

“Even if SUNNY wants it, would it be right? I think that’s a good question.” HERO said.

“HERO, I thought you were the one who said SUNNY should get to decide?” KEL tilted his head in confusion.

“Yeah, and I’ll respect his decision in the end. But I do think these songs... They’re too personal. She even talks about us, not to mention SUNNY. What if people find out who we are?”

“You mean she talks about you.” AUBREY mumbled. HERO didn’t respond.

“But MARI put her everything into these songs... People will hear that, I’m sure.”

“You might think that, BASIL, but I think it’s abhorrent. These should’ve stayed buried inside that toybox. They were never meant to be heard.”

“MARI wanted us to find it.” KEL said. “Why would she have left that key?”

“Again, you don’t know that.” AUBREY argued. “Maybe she just wanted SUNNY to hear them.”

“I...” He couldn’t refute that.

“Would she put so much heart into them if he was the only one they were meant for? What about us?” BASIL said.

“Well, we heard them now.”

“I think it would be disrespectful to MARI if we threw these away.”

“It’d be disrespectful to the dead girl?!” AUBREY shouted. “You know, I think I get what’s going on.”

“Huh?”

“You still feel guilty about it, don’t you?”

“W-what?” BASIL was shaking. “No, I’m fine now.”

“You feel guilty and you think doing this will help you repay for what you did. Even though it wasn’t your fault at all.”

“That’s... That’s absurd, AUBREY!”

“Can you deny it though?”

“Let’s calm down, everyone.” HERO sighed. “We’re not kids anymore. Let’s talk through this without insulting each other.”

“Insul-” She stopped herself before she said anything worse. “Ugh, forget it.”

AUBREY stormed off to the exit.

“Where do you think you’re going?!” KEL yelled at her.

“None of your business.”

And like that, AUBREY was out of the piano room. KEL groaned. He hadn’t been this mad at AUBREY in years. He looked at BASIL in case he was crying or something. BASIL was shaking. He was staring at the opened door.

“I’m sorry, guys.”

BASIL chased after AUBREY. This time, KEL didn’t even have time to call out his name. He sighed. It was probably better that they talk to each other alone; KEL was too mad at her right now, anyway.

KEL turned around to HERO. They met eyes; KEL gave him an awkward grin. He turned further without much thought when he noticed that SUNNY was still here. He was staring at both of them.

“Uh, hey, SUNNY?” KEL asked.

“KEL. HERO.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you two please leave the room for a moment? I need to be alone.”

“Oh, alright.”

KEL glanced at HERO. He nodded and began walking. KEL followed as well. They went out of the room.

The door closed with a thump, and SUNNY was left alone. He walked over to the tape player. He once again picked the tape containing ‘Rosemarie.’ He put it in the player and started playing the album all over again. He pulled over one box and used it as a makeshift chair. He sat down and heard the music, contemplating.

BASIL ran out of the room. He searched for AUBREY, but she was nowhere in sight. He walked into the living room. It was nighttime already, so it was completely dark. He caught his breath and walked across the room.

He looked around; there was light coming through the glass door leading to the yard. The door was open. He went through it. The moonlight greeted him from the night sky. He looked up at the stars. They glistened through the dark, yet some of them fizzled out, soon to be replaced by another light.

They reminded him of her songs. “You burn a memory / Extinguish it and there’s nothing left.” He remembered some of the words.

He went across the yard. Approaching the tree, he saw a figure standing there, leaning against it.

It was AUBREY.

She didn’t notice BASIL. She pulled something out of her skirt pocket. She held the small object in her hand and kept fiddling with it. It started producing small bursts of light. She put the lighter closer to her mouth and -

“Wait, AUBREY!”

BASIL ran up to her in shock. AUBREY was surprised, and she dropped the cigarette into the ground. She cursed under her breath.

“You can’t do that, it’s bad for you!”

She snickered. “Lots of things are bad for me, but that never stopped me from trying.”

“Give me that!” He reached his arm out, but she dodged with ease.

“Come on, I’m a freaking adult, alright?”

She reached her arm up to the sky and held the lighter up. BASIL extended his arm towards it but it was no use; he was simply too short. He even stood on tiptoes and he couldn’t get it. His face went red, and he gave up. He frowned at AUBREY with a blushed face and she laughed.

She pulled a carton from her pocket as she giggled and grabbed another cigarette. She held it in her mouth and tried to light it again. BASIL watched her as the cigarette lit up and, by extension, AUBREY’s face as well. She took a pull on the cigarette and exhaled smoke. She didn’t look that satisfied. When she inhaled again, it was almost like she was doing so begrudgingly.

“Why do you do that?” BASIL asked.

“Hmm...” She watched the smoke fade away. “Maybe it makes me feel better.”

“...Does it?”

“Nah. More like it makes you feel like nothing.”

She inhaled and exhaled smoke again.

“When you breathe it out, it feels like your heart is burning up. Though, I guess it’d actually be your lungs. Then it feels like it’s empty inside. Helps when I'm feeling angry.”

BASIL stared at her as she smoked. It became awkward. She stopped for a moment and glared at him back. He stepped closer to her.

“Give me one.”

“Wh...”

His face didn’t seem like he was joking. She took the carton out again and handed him a cigarette. He held it with two hands, like he was holding a dangerous weapon. Once he held it in his mouth, she held the lighter up to light it up for him. He started sweating when the fire got so close to him. He closed his eyes; he only opened them when she told him it was lit.

It was burning, but he was still too scared to do anything. AUBREY stared at him, unamused. He closed his eyes again and thought to himself, “fuck it.” He inhaled the cigarette and immediately began coughing. His throat felt like it was burning. He dropped the cigarette on the grass. AUBREY’s eyes widened at the sight. She ran and stomped on the cigarette. Once she confirmed the fire was out, she sighed in relief.

BASIL had to cough in pain for a dozen seconds until it settled down. AUBREY looked at him with pity. Once he was done, he caught his breath. He raised his body. The two met eyes at that moment. BASIL’s eyes had some tears left over from the coughing, and he wiped it away. AUBREY turned away and BASIL did too. They both looked at the ground. They took a breath.

“Look -”

Both of them said the same thing at once. They turned to each other again.

“You go first.” AUBREY said.

“No, you say it, AUBREY...”

“Okay, let’s do it at the same time.”

“What?”

“At the count of three.”

“Wait -”

“3, 2, 1.”

“I’m sorry!”

They said the same thing again. BASIL closed his eyes before saying it and AUBREY even lowered her head in a bow. He opened his eyes and she raised her body. They looked at each other in confusion.

“Wait, what do YOU have to be sorry about?” She frowned, despite just having apologized.

“Well, the thing back there...”

“I was the asshole there!”

“But I still, you know, made you angry and stuff...”

“Oh my god.” She rolled her eyes. “What will it take for you to just accept an apology without feeling sorry about it in return?!”

“Probably... Well, nothing could do that.” He softly laughed.

She groaned and stomped on the ground in anger. Then she faced him directly. Her somber expression made the smile on BASIL’s face fade away.

“I’m sorry.” She said. “I did it again. I let my anger get the better of me and I hurt you. I told myself I would never do it again, but I did. HERO is wrong; I’m still just a kid.”

“Please, AUBREY...”

“No. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not like you were wrong.”

“The guilt thing? I just said that because I couldn’t come up with anything.”

“But it’s true. I still feel guilty about it. No, I’m sure I’m still partially guilty - for why she did it.”

“BASIL, stop.”

“But you’re the same, right?”

BASIL’s words made AUBREY pause.

“You still haven’t forgiven yourself for what you did to me. I did, a long time ago.”

“I...” AUBREY took a step forward. “It’s not the same. It’s not the same at all! I did hurt you, I hurt you so many times. You wanted to die because of me.”

“It wasn’t because of you.”

“Can you really say I had nothing to do with it?”

“...But it’s fine now.” BASIL put on a bittersweet smile. “You’re a good person, AUBREY. I know that, and that is why I can forgive you.”

“You shouldn’t. Why can’t you just hate me? I don’t get it.”

“Then now do you get why I can’t forgive myself?”

BASIL’s eyes bore into AUBREY’s sight. The moonlight made his turquoise eyes shine in the night.

“...I can't accept that. I bullied you. That's never gonna change.” She chuckled. “But I guess you're right about one thing. We’re both just kids fucked up by guilt.”

“If you put it like that...”

AUBREY walked up to BASIL. He took a step back. His back hit the tree. She leaned in closer to him. He was too flustered that he froze in place. She leaned on his shoulder. BASIL stared at her black hair, dark like the night. The tree blocked the moonlight and they could not see each other. His eyes still shined in the dark.

“BASIL...”

AUBREY wept.

“What will it take for us to be forgiven?”

KEL sat on the couch. The couch in SUNNY’s home always felt nice. It might’ve just been because this was the only other couch he got to sit on beside the one his family had. There was something about it, though.

But he couldn’t really enjoy the comfiness inside the dark and dreary room. He would turn the TV on if he could find the remote.

He saw HERO trying to turn on the lights. Looks like he didn’t remember where they were. It wasn’t like they could call SUNNY; they could hear the music from all the way over here. HERO eventually gave up, and he leaned his back against a drawer.

He sighed. “Hell of a day.”

“True.” KEL said. “It’s been so long since we’ve been here.”

“Yeah. That sleepover feels like yesterday.”

“When you visited town for a bit, right? Before... You know.”

“We used to sleep over here like that all the time.”

“Right! Sometimes in their bedroom, or sometimes here.”

“It was a little weird when it was in the bedroom, so eventually, we only slept together here.”

“Everyone used to fight for whoever got to sleep on the couch.”

“Well, you and AUBREY would.”

KEL laughed. “Man, this place used to be like a second home.”

“Mhmm.”

“The six of us. Inseparable.”

HERO stared at the window above the TV. It was the only place where light was coming through. Moonlight reached all the way across the couch, where KEL was sitting. HERO watched KEL as he reminisced with a smile on his face. But his vision was getting blurry. HERO noticed his eyes were feeling hot.

He was crying.

KEL, in the middle of his ramble, noticed HERO. He saw that tears were coming out from HERO’s eyes. HERO had a confused look on his face, like he didn’t even know why. He couldn’t control them. KEL stood up.

“Bro, what’s wrong?”

“I’m... I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, dude. What’s up?”

“I’m just wondering... Where did we go wrong?”

KEL went next to him. He put his hand on HERO’s shoulder. HERO tried to wipe his eyes with his arms. It didn’t even feel like he was crying; his eyes were just uncontrollably shedding tears.

“I mean, I know,” he said. “Things are great. SUNNY and BASIL, they’re not gonna kill themselves. I’m so lucky to be doing what I do, and I’m so proud of you and AUBREY. But sometimes I still feel it. This empty feeling... She’s like a hole that never got refilled.”

KEL patted his back. HERO gave up trying to wipe his tears and just let them drip down his cheeks.

“The six of us. It should be the six of us. She should be with us right now. She should have seen her brother play at his first concert. She should have seen you guys pass the entrance exam. She should have seen BASIL open his shop. She should be with us, singing those songs to us herself, and not like this.”

HERO fell down and sat on the floor. KEL tried to help him up but HERO refused. He wept silently until he eventually ran out of tears.

“I’m sorry, KEL.” He sighed deeply. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Nah.” KEL sat down on the floor next to him. “You were holding it in back there.”

“Those songs just made me feel so...” His throat hurt. He cleared it. “Sick isn’t the right word anymore; Discomfort? Unease, I guess. I’ve thought about it, and I don’t think what I said back there was entirely true. it wasn’t just cause she sounded like she was in pain in those songs. It was because they reminded me I could have done more to help her.”

“Dude, it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t help her.”

“But what if I have? Maybe then it’d be the six of us.”

KEL stared into HERO’s face in the dark. He saw little bits of red around the eyes.

“...You know, you remember that one song?” KEL said.

“That one song...?”

“It was hard for me to make out the words for most of them, since I’m dumb.”

“You’re not dumb, KEL.” HERO frowned, as if he was the one who took insult to that.

KEL continued without replying. “...But there was one song where it was really obvious.”

KEL and HERO’s faces met.

‘“I wanted to tell him I loved him.’ She was telling you that, man. She loved you.”

HERO faced away. Before the tears could come out again, he preemptively wiped his eyes.

“And she did tell me. But I couldn’t, before she went away. I can never do that now.”

HERO stood up. KEL looked at his back from behind.

“This is something I’ll have to carry with me for the rest of my life. I promised to myself I would never make the same mistake ever again. I won’t ever abandon all of you like I did all those years ago. That’s why no matter what SUNNY says, I’ll stay with him. We’ll keep going.”

“...Yeah.”

KEL could not see HERO’s face. But perhaps that was better. In this moment, KEL felt as if he had truly gotten his old brother back. It was like looking up at a genuine hero. Of course, that couldn’t be true. He will never have the HERO from before MARI’s death back. It changed him forever. KEL will never have his old HERO again. But this new HERO seemed like a hero in his own right as well.

They have to keep going. Just keep going.

From the glass door that led to the backyard, BASIL and AUBREY emerged. Judging by how close they were sticking together, KEL and HERO figured that they had made up.

“What the hell happened to you, HERO?” AUBREY asked.

“Nothing.”

HERO blushed and turned around to cover his face; not that AUBREY could notice he was crying in the dark, anyway.

“AUBREY, did you cry?” KEL asked - it was easier to see her face because of the light coming from the backyard.

“N-no! Shut up, KEL.” AUBREY stomped her feet.

“Did you apologize to BASIL?” He crossed his arms and puffed his cheeks.

“Yeah...” AUBREY put her hand on her neck. “I did. And I’m sorry to you guys, too. I got carried away.”

“...It’s fine.” KEL looked away.

BASIL looked at them. “Let’s go check up on SUNNY, you guys.”

HERO nodded and led the way. They made their way to the piano room. BASIL opened the door and the four of them went inside.

SUNNY was still listening to the music.

What was music to him?

It was a time for connection. Listening to those pop records with her, and hearing her play them with colourful keyboard tones; he enjoyed listening to the music, sure, but most of all, he loved being with her. Music was not what he cared about.

It was a chance for approval. Finally, he had a way to bond with her through music. They would stand on a stage - together. She would be perfect and he would be, too. He would not let everyone down.

It was a source of anguish. Those countless hours of practice wore him down; it killed his soul. Yes, he spent more time with her than ever, but he realized that wasn’t what he wanted. They were not there as siblings, but rather as performers. He couldn’t understand her, and neither could she understand him.

It was a reminder of a mistake. It rang across their house and echoed through every wall. Her voice leaked out from the piano room which he could hear every night. His mistake was unforgettable.

It was a repression of trauma. Music struck terror into OMORI, the being he designated to protect himself from his memories. Music was the sole bond connecting him to his past; to her. However, in the end, he could use that to defeat OMORI. He confronted what he once loved and hated about music.

Music was a medium of expression.

Why did he start playing violin again? Even his parents were hesitant to buy him a new one. It might not have been something that important, now that he thought about it. He didn’t want to die. He didn’t want BASIL to die. He could continue living for him and everyone else, but it still would be helpful to have something to do. He spent 3 years doing absolutely nothing with his life. The idea of picking a skill up was so daunting. So he might as well go back to something his muscles still remembered.

It was much easier to get the hang of it than he expected. He was playing recitals only 6 months after beginning practice again. Practicing with a tutor was awkward and terrible. Not nearly as stressful as before - though, perhaps he had just developed a thicker skin for that - but utterly boring. Once he got good enough to perform on stage by himself, he stopped seeing them.

The first solo recital he ever had was an unforgettable experience. All of his friends were there. They joked about wearing the same outfits they were going to wear for *that* recital, but they didn’t fit anymore, of course. Still, they got the closest matches. HERO bought a new tuxedo. But SUNNY had barely grown. He wore the suit that she had picked out for him.

He nailed it. It was a perfect performance. It wasn’t that song they were going to play, but in the back of his mind, he still thought; would she be proud of him?

After around a year of performing at local level recitals and competition, JOHN contacted him. Then he left town to pursue what he thought was his ‘dream’.

But music wasn’t his dream. That was hers. He was just blindly chasing after the remnants of her dream because he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with his life. She died before she got to live out her dream. So he wanted to live out her dream for her sake.

And all of that brought him back to here. He was listening to her dream right now. She got to live it. Then she proceeded to leave it all behind. She left them behind for him. These songs were the culmination of her hopes and dreams; her pain and sorrow, her life and death. She condensed all of it down to 10 songs and 40 minutes of sound and words.

Even before BASIL suggested it, he was thinking about how to take these tapes and turn them into a complete work. What was in the tapes were like demos; she only had one year and limited equipment, after all. He was getting *excited* as he listened to the songs over and over again. Different arrangements and instrumentation came to his mind. He hadn’t felt this kind of excitement for music since his childhood, when she would play him those pop records on vinyl. He read through all the notes and sheet music she wrote down. They were arrangements for instruments or recording equipment she had no hope of attaining.

Perhaps AUBREY and HERO were right. It might not be right to take her songs like this. But h
e wanted her to live on, in some way. Not just in but in the world. That became his dream; to help make her dream come true.

The door opened and the four of them came in. He was aware, but he let the music play out for a little longer because it was almost at the end, anyway. They stood there and listened to the last minute.

He had heard this song many times by this point, but this was always a hard part. Because it ended with *that* song.

With the sound gone, SUNNY spoke up.

“I want to complete her album.” He said. “And I think that means I will need help. And if I can find a place to invest in this, they’ll want to release it... To sell it, I mean. I’m fine with that.”

He turned around to the four of them.

“Can you help?”

He looked at AUBREY. She crossed her arms and sighed.

“I’m still not okay with it - it’s just... fucked up. But I shouldn’t get to decide, anyway. I trust you - all of you mean everything to me.”

SUNNY smiled for her. She let out a ‘hmph’, but she was blushing.

He turned to HERO next. HERO looked down at the floor for a few seconds until he started speaking.

“I’m not good at lying. So I still have to say that those songs... They make me feel terrible. But if you believe in her, SUNNY, then I will too. I’m with you.”

HERO tried to put on a faint smile, but it had none of the glory his charming smiles used to have. Still, SUNNY didn’t find it to be fake; it seemed more heartfelt than ever.

It was getting late. The rest of them decided to head back to their respective homes for the night, while SUNNY would stay here and talk to his parents when they came back. They exchanged goodbyes by the front door. The door shut, and SUNNY was left alone.

He told them he’d go to sleep soon too, but there was no way he could sleep. He went back to the piano room. He began cleaning the place by picking up all the papers and tapes scattered on the floor. He laid all of them on top of boxes.

The piano came into his vision. He stared at the lid. Dust had piled up incessantly. He put his hand on it. It formed a handprint on top of the dust. His palm was now covered in dust. He brushed them off. He opened the lid. Unlike the cover, the keys had been preserved in a pristine state. He sat down.

He learned how to play a bit of piano ever since starting to perform with an orchestra. He would never be as good as her, and he would never be perfect; but he didn’t have to think about that anymore. He would just follow her lead.

He grabbed one of the sheet music that was around the floor. He put it in front of him. His hands did the rest of the work. The rhythm was shaky; the notes, not steady. It didn’t sound as good as what he heard on those tapes. But he continued. The house filled up with music once more. Echoes penetrated through walls, and memories long forgotten were put into a spotlight once more to be lit again.

“Hello?”

A gruff sounding voice of a man came through the phone speaker.

“JOHN.”

“Ah, Mr. SUZUKI.”

The tone of his voice changed to that of insidiousness. He had been expecting this call.

“Surely, you have come with an apology?”

“Yes. I’m sorry for missing the rehearsal.”

“So you will understand if I decide to exclude you from the performance coming up? If you continue to be so unreliable, we’ll have no choice.”

“Actually, that is what I’ve called for.”

“What?”

SUNNY could tell he caught JOHN by surprise, judging from his voice.

“So you’ll resign?”

“No, but I can’t play.”

A brief silence. Then JOHN returned to his calm demeanor.

“Alright, that can be done. I’m glad that you’re being honest for once...”

“Also, I need to ask you for something.”

“Yes?”

“I need a record deal.”

The silence was longer this time. JOHN simply could not process those words properly. When he spoke again, he sounded slightly annoyed.

“Is this a joke?”

“You told me I could get one. You even promised.”

“Yes, but I meant once you have plenty of name recognition. I said you had the potential.”

“Well, now is the time.”

“What’s with the rush? You’re still young. As long as you straighten your behaviour -”

“It’s not for me.”

“Wait, so you’re asking me to get a friend of yours a record deal?” He let out a chuckling breath. “You’re surely joking.”

“Not my friend.”

“Then who?”

“I just... need you to hear this.”

SUNNY put the phone away from his ear. JOHN was still speaking, but he stopped once he realized SUNNY wasn’t on the other side. SUNNY hoped he’d be fast enough before JOHN hung up. He held the phone up to the tape player.

He played a recording of ‘The Park’.

Once the song was over, only silence followed. It was JOHN who finally spoke up, with a grave tone.

“Who was that?”

“My sister.”

“You’ve never brought up a sister before.”

“Because she is dead.”

“Oh.”

“She killed herself 7 years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

JOHN sounded sincere; SUNNY could tell. He was going to use this to his advantage.

“If you’re sorry, you’re gonna help me put this on a record.”

“With all due respect, Mr. SUZUKI, you must realize how ridiculous that is. You can’t expect me to do this.”

“I do, because I will resign if you don’t help me, and you can’t have that.”

“And how confident are you in that?”

“Quite so, because I’m the best talent you’ve found in years - your words.”

“Maybe I just say that to everyone.”

“Not according to ‘everyone’. I’m not being conceited. You might think I’m a child, but I’m not.”

He heard JOHN audibly sigh over the phone. He heard a chair creak.

“Jesus, alright. We can’t have this conversation over the phone. How about we talk this over tea?”

“Coffee.”

“...Coffee it is.”

“Thank you.”

“I do know someone who can get you in touch. But that is the furthest I can go for you - whether they will go along with your whims is not up to me.”

“That’s fine.”

“...So is tomorrow good?”

SUNNY smirked.

SUNNY walked into a cafe. It was an hour away from FARAWAY, on the outskirts of the city. They weren’t that many people, so it should’ve been perfect. He looked around; in the corner, there was JOHN and a woman he hadn’t seen before sitting on the opposite end. He made his way to both of them.

JOHN was a bulky guy who was putting on some weight, wearing a buttoned up collar shirt. (In the winter.) The other person was a black woman wearing dark glasses. She had a beige sweater on.

SUNNY sat down next to JOHN.

“Hi,” the woman said. “It’s...”

“SUZUKI.” He replied. “I’m SUNNY SUZUKI.”

“Mr. SUZUKI, yes - I’m GRACE!” She offered a hand. “I’m from FIRE RECORDS.”

“Hello.” They shook hands.

“GRACE and I go way back,” JOHN added.

“Yes, and I’ve known about your body of work for quite some time now, Mr. SUZUKI.”

SUNNY did a double take. “What?”

“I’m honestly quite excited to sign you right now, having heard of your performances over these months...”

“Wait.” He opened his palm. “I’m not here to get my record deal.”

“Hmm?” She titled her head.

JOHN sighed. “Hear him out, GRACE.”

“I want to sign a record deal for these songs.”

He pulled out his MP3 player. These contained rips of the tapes containing MARI’s music. He offered her an earbud. GRACE was utterly confused, but she went along with it. There wasn't any contempt in her face; she seemed genuinely curious, more than anything. She put her bud in her ears.

SUNNY played 3 songs for them. These were “The Park”, “The Valley”, and “Sister” in order. Around 10 minutes passed. She listened to the songs with little reaction, and without a single word. When the 10 minutes up, she finally opened her mouth, looking directly at SUNNY.

“I’ll sign her.” She said. “Who is she?”

“She was...” SUNNY looked down. “My sister, MARI. She killed herself 7 years ago.”

“Oh my god.” She couldn’t close her mouth. “Then...”

“These are songs we found recently, from recordings that belonged to her.”

“I see.” She nodded. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“We all decided we would like to see these released. Her remaining family, which would be me and my parents, gives their permission. There wouldn’t be an issue there, right?” SUNNY looked at her.

“No, there wouldn’t be. There just hasn’t been a case like that in... well, ever. Not that I can think of. Posthumous releases by any artist are rare, let alone by an unknown one.”

“But you can’t pass up on these songs, right?”

They stared at each other for a moment. GRACE crossed her arms and glanced at JOHN. He shrugged. She sighed.

“Yes, of course, I can’t. I’ll have to at least talk to my boss about it, before I can tell you anything conclusive. You might have to be there, too.”

“Thank you, GRACE.” SUNNY smiled in relief.

“Music industry is tough,” JOHN grumbled. “That’s why I didn’t go that way.”

“I know,” she laughed.

“I have a few conditions, if we ever get to that point.”

“Oh...?” She looked back at him. “I don’t think you’re really in the position who gets to make conditions, but let’s hear them. It’ll be good to know before you bring it up to my boss.”

“No, I just wanted the album to be attributed anonymously. I don’t want a mention of her passing either.”

“Hmm.” GRACE thought for a second. “That sounds reasonable. Again, we’ll have to take it up with the higher ups, but I think you would be stupid not to think these song are...”

GRACE noticed the time. She took out her phone. She stood up.

“I’m sorry, this is all the time I had for today.” She turned around. “I will call you back. I look forward to working with you, Mr. SUZUKI!”

“Thanks.”

He said that, but she left before she could even hear him saying it. He watched as GRACE hurriedly paid her bill and exited the cafe.

“Coffee?” JOHN asked.

“Yeah.” SUNNY sighed. “You’ll pay, right?”

“Nope.”

SUNNY was in the deepest center area of the city now. The sprawling skyscrapers and busy traffic made his head feel dizzy. He walked through the streets in confusion, holding a map in his hand.

“Mr. SUZUKI, here!”

He turned around in relief when he heard a familiar voice. It was GRACE, who was waving at him. He went up to her across the street and greeted her back. After exchanging some formalities, she began leading him to their destination: the office building of FIRE RECORDS.

It was only a block away. SUNNY expected the building to be a huge skyscraper that you entered through a spinning glass door or something; but it was actually a small two-floor building. You’d think it’d have a law firm or something instead.

Their office was on the second floor, so they took the stairs. She opened the door and led him inside the office. There were a bunch of people on their desktops. Some of them were on their phones. They went across the room and went inside another room. These rooms looked much wider than they seemed from outside.

A man was sitting in the middle in front of his desk. A lanky middle-aged man. He greeted the both of them.

“Mister SUNNY SUZUKI, I presume?”

“Yes.” He replied.

“Thanks, GRACE. Have a seat, you two.” The man smiled at her.

They sat on the sofa by the wall.

“I’m MARVIN, Mr. SUZUKI. I manage this branch of FIRE RECORDS. I’ve heard your music.”

“Thank you, but it’s not my music...”

“Ah, yes. I’ve also heard the necessary information from GRACE. I think we can arrange a deal here.”

“Really?” His eye lit up.

“You know, these songs, they could be a hit.” MARVIN went on. “This sappy piano pop girl stuff, kids are gonna buy it.”

“...Alright.” That light went away quickly.

“So as long as we clean them up, this is record material.”

“You need to clean it up?”

“Yes, of course, I mean... Those demos, they sounded horrible.” He looked through a paper. “I’ll give you a list of producers you can work with.”

“We don’t need... Producers.”

“You’ll need to if you want to sell this record.”

SUNNY fidgeted around in his seat, frustrated. He couldn’t say anything, though. MARVIN went through his papers again; those were probably his notes.

“Alright, I also noticed these six, seven minute songs of just piano. Can’t have that - is it trying to be Kate Bush or something? We don’t need another Kate Bush, we need a Taylor Swift.”

“I can’t cut any songs from the record.”

“Then you make them shorter. Down by half at the minimum.”

“Okay.”

MARVIN took a sip from a cup on his desk. Then he nonchalantly said this.

“Also, we need a girl.”

“What?” SUNNY frowned.

“Yes, to do press releases and all. Be on radio, interviews... The lyrics have to seem authentic, since that is what this audience will care about. The emo kids will, at least.”

“She’s...” SUNNY stuttered; he hadn’t in a long time. “She’s dead, I thought you knew.”

“Yes, and that doesn’t matter.” MARVIN looked directly at SUNNY; possibly the first time he did so. “There needs to be a face we can attach the music to. You realize that’s more important to selling the record than the music itself, yes?”

“That’s...”

“If you don’t have anyone in mind, we’ll make one up. The prettier the face is, the easier it’ll be, too.”

SUNNY stood up. He walked to the door. GRACE stood up too; but she wasn’t sure if she should stop him or not.

“I’m sorry, I’m leaving.” SUNNY said.

MARVIN sighed. “I knew this would happen...”

That made SUNNY turn his head. MARVIN pulled his chair so SUNNY could see him better. He took another sip and met eyes with SUNNY.

“Look, kid. You think I’m some evil record company man trying to ruin your sister’s music? You came to me with a record. I’m offering you to help sell it. The world’s not as easy as you think it is, and I’m not doing this cause I’m a bad person, either. Your record here, it could make thousands. There are hundreds of suicidal teen girls who want to listen to this stuff and feel good. It’s great music too. Your sister was talented. But I don’t enjoy seeing good potential go to waste. I just have to do my job as well, unfortunately.”

MARVIN leaned back into his chair. SUNNY glared at him.

“So you either grow up, learn to compromise and let us sell this record, or your sister’s music gets buried with her.”

“...” He turned around and opened the door. “I’ll find a way.”

SUNNY stormed out of the room. He went across and exited the office. He went down the stairs in a hurry and bolted out of the building.

In MARVIN’s office, MARVIN was shaking his head. He muttered, “Kids never change.”

GRACE went out of the room too. She ran and followed SUNNY, but she couldn’t see him. When she went outside of the building, she saw him walk away to the other side of the street. She ran at full speed and yelled.

“Wait, Mr. SUZUKI!”

SUNNY turned behind him to see GRACE run up to him. She eventually caught up.

“Oh, Miss GRACE...” SUNNY said. “I’m sorry. You must’ve gotten in trouble for what I just did back there.”

“No, that’s fine...” GRACE laughed as she caught her breath. “Look, I know a guy who runs this indie label. He might hear you out.”

“...Really?” SUNNY couldn’t believe her. She handed him a business card.

“Yeah. Obviously, not as big as us, but he’s legit.”

“Why are you helping me so much?”

“Hmm...”

GRACE put her hand on her chin and contemplated for a few seconds before answering.

“I’ve been doing this job for almost a decade now and I’ve never seen someone just walk away like that while a deal was right in front of them. Not many bands even get to talk to MARVIN. I guess I found that a little inspiring, is all.”

“Because I told your boss to go screw himself?’

“Yeah, kinda.” She giggled. “He’s not a bad guy, he’s just a professional.”

GRACE turned around. She looked back at SUNNY before leaving.

“Also, your sister made good songs, but I still like your violin more. I’ll be back to sign your record one day in the future!”

And then she ran off again. SUNNY smiled at her as she took off. He wasn’t sure if he could keep that promise. For now, he was given a lead, and he was willing to do anything at this point.

The address on the business card was in the residential district on the outer suburbs. Specifically, it was literally someone’s house. It was one of many identical looking houses; he could only properly identify the correct one by the nameplate hung by the door, which read ‘PARK’.

He rang the bell.

“Who is it?” He heard a man’s voice through the speaker.

“It’s SUNNY SUZUKI - I called you this morning.”

He heard nothing from the speaker for a while, but he heard rustling beyond the door. After that, the door opened, and a middle-aged Asian man greeted SUNNY. He had a t-shirt and short cargo pants on.

“Come in.” He held the door open. “I’m sorry for not being in my work dress.”

They walked through the hallway and reached the living room. There were lots of clothes scattered around the floor, but besides that, it wasn’t bad to traverse. However, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing when they got to the ‘work office.’

It was a small room that had its walls surrounded by shelves of vinyl records and CDs. There was a long desk on the opposite side, and in front of it was the only chair in the room. It had a computer on the leftmost side, and on its screen was an image editing software. To the right, there were scissors, tapes, and other tools for wrapping records. There were also tons of unburned CDs.

“Sorry, I don’t have people over often.” Mr. PARK said. “You can sit over there on the floor.”

SUNNY sat down in the only spot that didn’t have something.

“You run this record label by yourself?” He asked.

“Ah, yup.” Mr. PARK went through his tools to organize them.

“Tried to run a band when I was young, that didn't go anywhere. So just trying to help out the local scene now that I’m too old to play shows.”

He stared into one shelf for a moment with a smile on his face, reminiscing. Then he turned to SUNNY, who was staring at him from the floor.

“Well, you’re gonna let me hear your album or not?”

“Oh.”

SUNNY took out the MP3 player. He offered the earbud but Mr. PARK shook his head. So he took it out. He played the same songs that he played to GRACE. Mr. PARK sat down on the chair.

The song were done. MR. PARK looked at SUNNY.

“Alright.” He said. “So that was you?”

“No.” SUNNY felt like laughing, but he didn’t. “That was my sister.”

“She’s good.”

“Thank you. But she’s not with us anymore. She killed herself 7 years ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.”

“It’s fine. But can you help me? I want to create an album of her songs.”

“Well,” Mr. PARK “It’s winter, so there aren’t a lot of bands putting out records. I do have a few scheduled for Christmas, though. I have time to help you make this album, but only if you can complete it before December.”

“So...” SUNNY tried to process all of that. “Wait, so you’ll help me, just like that?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“You’re not gonna ask about why I want to put out music made by my dead sister or anything...?”

“Well, they’re wonderful songs, so that seems self explanatory.” Mr. PARK shrugged. “Can’t say I’ve ever done something like this before, but you learn to go along with things as you get older.”

“Okay.”

SUNNY couldn’t believe how easy this was.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“No problem, SUNNY.” Mr. PARK smiled. “Now, the most I can do for you is burn 100 or so CDs. For someone like you with zero following, that is the highest I can go, I’m afraid - maybe 150. The local radio stations and record stores will get copies too, but I have limited reach. I heard you went to GRACE first - she’s a sweet girl - but I’m sorry if it’s not what you expect from somewhere like FIRE RECORDS.”

“No, no...” SUNNY was astonished. “That would be amazing. People will hear her music?”

“Yup. I mean, you probably won’t sell every CD, but that’s just something you gotta live with.”

“That’s fine. I just want people to hear her songs.”

“Well, it’ll all depend on how many people will like them. Word of mouth is how most of these small releases get sold. All of that will depend on the music, the packaging, the art - we can work out details like that.”

“Do I get to have a say in everything?”

“I’ll be pretty hands off, so they’ll really be up on you to decide. What did you have in mind?”

“I wanted nothing about her or her life to be known...” He said. “Just her name. I want the songs to speak for themselves - for her to speak for herself.”

“Are you her only remaining family?”

“Me, and our parents. They’ve entrusted me to set all this up.”

Mr. PARK chuckled at that. “Good for nothing parents, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you’ll have to do all of that. Jacket design, cover art... I can’t help you with any of these. Oh, of course, I can give you financial support for the album production.”

“Thank you. Again, thank you so much.”

SUNNY stood up. He offered a hand to Mr. PARK. They shook hands and SUNNY smiled. He finally felt like his heart could be at ease. Everything was going to be okay. That was what he wanted to believe.

“SUNNY, where do I put this?”

KEL held a speaker in his arms by himself. It was almost half as tall as him.

“Put it over there.”

SUNNY pointed, and KEL followed his directions. He put it down in front of a wall.

The piano room had gone through a renewal. They cleaned up the whole place and put away all the boxes. Now, it was populated by speakers, keyboards, audio hardware, and lots and lots of wire. There was a desk which had SUNNY’s laptop. He brought from his apartment. He’d been living back home for a week at this point.

Of course, the piano remained in the center, as always.

BASIL was sitting in front of the desk. He was setting up all the music software that SUNNY would need. Something BASIL learned over these years; SUNNY was technologically illiterate. Didn’t he spend 3 years stuck in his room with only his computer? Some things still baffled BASIL about him.

“SUNNY, I’m done here.” He called out to SUNNY.

SUNNY was about to head over there, when the door opened and AUBREY came into the room with a plastic bag.

“Here.” She held it up. “I can’t believe you asked me to go buy even more wires. Even FIX-IT guy was confused.”

“I’ve never seen this many wires in my whole life...” KEL said in agreement.

SUNNY took the bag. “Thanks, AUBREY.”

He walked over to where BASIL was and put the bag down on the desk.

“This place is looking totally different now.” AUBREY looked around the newly revamped piano room.

“It’s like those music studios you see on documentaries.” KEL said.

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “We have FARAWAY’s first ever music producer, after all.”

“Woo, mister music producer! Way to go, SUNNY.” He cheered.

BASIL laughed awkwardly to match his tune. “You guys are being loud, you know...”

SUNNY clicked through the folders on the screen. There were dozens of them, all disorganized. They contained hundreds of audio files. He opened GarageBand. Once he confirmed that BASIL configured the MIDI keyboard properly, he went through the bag and pulled the wires out.

PATRICIA - SUNNY’s mother - came into the room with a tray in her hand.

“Children, have some snacks before you go.”

KEL jumped. He held the tray for her.

“Thank you, Miss SUZUKI!” He said.

“We’re not children, mom...” SUNNY told her.

“Come on, nerd.” She took a glass of milk from the tray. “Just eat the damn cookies.”

“AUBREY, language...” BASIL whispered.

“Oh my god.” She groaned; SUNNY’s mom had already left the room.

They gathered around the desk. KEL put the tray of cookies and milk on it. As they ate and talked to each other, SUNNY sat in front of the laptop, continuing to browse through audio files. Even in that moment, he could hear her songs in his head.

KEL tapped on the bass drum with his finger.

“So I just hit this really hard?”

“Yup.” SUNNY nodded.

“I don’t even need to hear the song?”

“No, because it’ll be a single hit. I can sync it up on the mixer track.”

“OK, I dunno what any of that means, but I’ll give it a go.”

He picked up the stick. He raised his arm up to the sky. After taking in a quick breath and letting it out, he hit the bass drum as hard as he could. A brief boom resonated from the drum. KEL was right in front of it, so he felt the vibration to his bones.

SUNNY checked back the recording on his earbud.

“Alright, hit the snare next, KEL.” He said.

“Do I do the same thing?”

“No, you should lead it up a bit.”

“Uh... Like...”

“Do 2 short hits, then a big one at the end.”

“It’s two plus one, KEL.” AUBREY said. She was on the other side of the room, watching.

“Hey!” KEL yelled.

SUNNY tapped on his desk. A burst of quiet hits leading up to a bigger impact.

“Like that.” He said.

“Alright... Wait, why can’t you just do it?!”

“I want you to do it. It’s important.”

“This is clearly the easiest thing he can tell someone to do.” AUBREY laughed.

“Ugh...” KEL grumbled.

KEL did as SUNNY told him to do. He banged on the snare twice and then once again with the stick.

“Too slow, KEL.”

“Uh... OK.”

“Get the other stick too, do it with both.”

“Oh... Like a marching band.”

He grabbed a second drum stick from the floor. He remembered how those marching bands on TV would bang on their drums. He didn’t start at full volume; he lightly tapped twice, then he used his right hand for the third strike to hit it hard.

SUNNY heard it on his computer. He gave a thumbs up. KEL sighed and put the sticks down.

BASIL stared at the two drums. “So... Who’s gonna go put this where we borrowed it from?”

“Oh my god, I am not doing it again.” AUBREY shivered. “Go and take that bus again for another hour in that freezing cold?! You guys handle it.”

“I have to stay.” That’s all SUNNY said, as he put on the ear buds again.

That led to KEL and BASIL staring each other down.

“Well, KEL...”

“Well, BASIL.”

KEL kept up his smile as sweat rolled down his cheeks. BASIL nervously tried to avert his gaze.

AUBREY cracked her knuckles behind KEL.

A quiet yet steady tone of a bass guitar thumped in the piano room. The sequence of notes played a do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do progression, then went in reverse after that.

“AUBREY, you’re good!” BASIL clapped his hands.

“I just played a scale...” She blushed. “Just something I’m learning with college friends.”

“I didn’t know you played an instrument.” KEL puffed his cheeks. She ignored him.

“This is perfect, though.” SUNNY said, as he set up the mic.

SUNNY tested the microphone by making various noises with his mouth and hands. (Like clicking his tongue, snapping his finger, etc.) BASIL was next to him, manning the laptop, adjusting the mic input as the sounds came in. They didn’t even have to look at each other to coordinate; it’s like they were two bodies with one soul.

KEL and AUBREY stared at them, slightly dumbfounded.

“I’m jealous.” She grumbled.

“Yeah. They’re such great friends, aren’t they!”

“KEL...?” AUBREY looked at him in pure horror. “Are you...”

“No! It was a joke!” He frowned. “I know they’re dating, jeez.”

“AUBREY, are you ready?” SUNNY came up to them. KEL flinched.

“Yeah,” she replied. “Though, I don’t get why you suddenly asked me for this out of nowhere.”

“I just need help.”

SUNNY handed AUBREY a piece of paper. She took it, confused. She was even more confused when she realized it was sheet music for the part she was supposed to play. She was slightly embarrassed, but she decided to be honest. She handed the paper back to SUNNY.

“Sorry, I can’t read sheet music...”

“Oh.” SUNNY said.

“Do you have tabs?”

“What are... Tabs?”

AUBREY pinched her nose. She looked at BASIL for any kind of smart idea, but he just silently shook his head with his eyes close.

“I can tell you the notes.” SUNNY said.

“...Alright, that will do.” She prepared her fingers.

“They’re D, A, G flat, and E.”

“D, A, G...” AUBREY repeated them.

“Wait, I’ll write them down for you!” BASIL said.

He got an empty piece of paper and wrote down the notes for her. Then he put it on the floor where she could look down and see. He also gave her earbuds so she could hear the track. She plugged them on.
in her ears
SUNNY stood in front of the laptop. He and AUBREY exchanged glances. She nodded to show she was ready. He began the track, which was “Sister”.

AUBREY’s part was for the chorus, and it was just those four notes played in quarter notes, along to a straightforward rhythm. She stomped along to the backing track. The tone of the bass guitar she borrowed from her college friend was clean and crisp, and its boomy texture shook everyone.

It was two weeks into November when SUNNY began to understand how MARI felt in this room. For convenience, he slept and ate here. He spent all day listening to her tapes, recording new synthesizer and piano parts, as well as assembling old ones according to old notations she left behind. It became a daily routine for him.

His friends visited him less and less, now that SUNNY was engrossed in the album production process. They also became busy with late semester assignments. It had been days since they came over. Without their presence, SUNNY was losing track of time. Days got mixed up in his head, and he could not tell if it was day or night half of the time. The only reason he had not gone mad already was the goal he had in his head: to finish this record.

This must have been how she felt, he thought to himself.

He was staring into the laptop. It had an image editor on the screen, but the canvass was white. He stared off into the blankness. Its monotone nature reminded him of a place he’d been before; a place he would visit at times like this, when he lost grips with reality. He wanted to stay awake, but he couldn’t help but feel more and more tired.

He was about to close his eye when something touched his shoulder. He jumped and turned around. It was BASIL.

“Were you sleeping? Sorry I woke you up.” He said.

“No.”

SUNNY got out of his chair. He sat on the floor instead. BASIL sat next to him. He didn’t like sitting on the only chair when the others were around, unless he was working on the album. It made him feel like he was looking down on them.

“Thanks for coming by.” SUNNY said. “Where are the others?”

“Oh, you know. School stuff. College must be tough on them.” BASIL chuckled. “Makes me glad I didn’t go.”

“What about your place?”

“It’s not like I get many people at this hour.” BASIL looked at him. “And I was worried about you.”

SUNNY blushed and looked away. BASIL saw that and scooted up closer to him so he could not hide his face. Eventually SUNNY gave in and rested his head on BASIL’s shoulder. They both leaned against a wall.

“It’s really weird how close we’ve been these past few weeks, huh.” BASIL said.

“Mhmm.”

“I just got used to only hearing your voice. But sometimes I couldn’t tell if you were real.” This time, BASIL got flustered. “Oh no, is that bad? Did I creep you out?”

“Stop worrying.” SUNNY closed his eyes on BASIL’s shoulder. “I felt the same too.”

“Oh.” BASIL let out a chuckle.

“Sometimes, when I’m holed up in this room, listening to her songs over and over...” SUNNY said. “It’s hard to tell if any of this is real or not.”

“Are you feeling fine now?”

“Thanks to you, yeah.”

They laughed. As much as SUNNY didn’t like to admit, it felt nice to feel BASIL’s warmth. Maybe that’s what love was about? He hadn’t said that word in 4 years, ever since that moment on the hospital rooftop. They didn’t need to do that.

BASIL saw the laptop up on the desk.

“What were you doing?” He asked.

SUNNY sat up straight. “I have to decide on the cover art. But she never left behind anything about that. I have no idea.”

“You need one?”

“It’s a CD, so yeah...”

BASIL titled his head and thought about something for a moment.

“Didn’t you used to draw, SUNNY?”

“...That was a long time ago.”

“Maybe it’ll help you find some inspiration, though.”

SUNNY stared off into a wall for a few seconds. He stood up and told BASIL to wait here. SUNNY went out the door and BASIL sat there, waiting. After a few minutes, SUNNY came back with a notebook. He sat down in front of BASIL and opened it.

They flipped through the pages. The first few dozen had crude sketches depicting SUNNY and his friends. For example, one page contained a drawing of a smiling boy in green outline, with his hair being yellow. He had a flower drawn on his hair. There was an arrow pointing to him, with “BASIL” written next to him. To his right was another boy in black outline, with an arrow pointing to him that read “ME.”

“I remember this one.” BASIL said, smiling, like in the drawing.

They kept flipping through. Eventually, there was a stark change in the tone of the drawings. They became more detailed and started looking less like children’s drawings; but they still maintained that crude, sketchy look. There were less images of SUNNY with his friends and more abstract, morbid imagery. Valleys of blood, bathtubs filled with tar, severed limbs; compared to the colourful markers used in the previous drawings, only black and red could be seen here.

The only drawings of people only depicted two people: MARI, and a character named OMORI. OMORI resembled SUNNY from the earlier drawings, if not identical. These images mostly contained them having picnics or sitting by the grass. One thing of note was how while the drawings of OMORI remained stagnant in their presentation, MARI became more and more detailed as each page went by. Eventually, OMORI eventually stopped being drawn entirely. And the drawings of MARI contained so much detail that it was hard to believe a 14 year old drew them.

“...I don’t even remember any of this.” SUNNY mumbled.

They arrived at the last page. BASIL gasped, and SUNNY felt his heart sink too. It was an illustration of MARI with her eyes closed, surrounded by lilies of the valley. It was ambiguous where she was, but it was clear to the both of them what exactly this depicted.

It was a drawing of her corpse, laying inside the casket they saw at her funeral. It was a near photorealistic replication of their memory of her. It was drawn with a pencil and there were a lot of messy black blots, which indicated he had erased it and drawn it again over and over.

They put the sketchbook down on the floor. Both of them turned their heads to look at each other.

“You have to use it.” BASIL said.

SUNNY looked back at the picture. He had vague memories of when he drew these pictures. When he couldn’t sleep, he drew images of her. It felt like he was keeping her alive. This memory of her corpse haunted him until he put it down on a page.

Now, it had come back to haunt him in a new way. The drawing contained within this sketchbook seemed to creep around him. Even if he tried to dispose of it, surely it wouldn’t leave him. This image was a ‘recording’. Memories are like a recording, and this was a replication of a memory. In a sense, recordings had the ability to revive the dead. It was as if inside this illustration of her corpse, MARI could live on in that space.

This was good then, he thought. Or - as she would put it - it was perfect.

“I told you guys, I can’t do it if you’re here.”

“Come on, SUNNY.” KEL said. “We want to hear it at least once while you’re in town.”

“Yeah. We can’t have you experiencing stage fright now.” AUBREY grinned.

“God...”

SUNNY ignored the two of them. KEL and AUBREY began seeing SUNNY more since BASIL told them about what he told him the other day. SUNNY regretted telling him about that now. But he hadn’t doubted reality in a week now.

SUNNY face towards the desk. He adjusted the microphone slightly. He played the backing track, which he heard through his earbuds. He closed his eyes and breathed in. And he started singing harmony to her voice.

His voice was shaky. It was in a higher register than MARI’s vocals, so he had to yell it to reach that high. He put his hand on his chest to feel the vibration as he sang. To someone, it might have looked like he was crying.

“SUNNY is good, huh?” KEL noted.

“Yeah.” AUBREY agreed.

SUNNY stopped the track. When he did that, the door to the piano room opened. The three of them turned around; it was BASIL and HERO. HERO was holding a plastic bag.

“Hey, guys.” He held up the bag.

“HERO!” KEL ran up to him.

“And beer!” AUBREY followed.

He handed the bag to the two of them. The bag had beer cans and snacks. It was getting late into the night.

“HERO, I didn’t know you were in town.” SUNNY said.

“Oh, just for today. I guess these guys didn’t tell you?”

“No...” SUNNY sulked.

“I didn’t either, I ran into him on my way here!” BASIL said.

AUBREY and KEL had already begun opening their beer cans. HERO had to admit that it felt a little weird to watch them drink. To him, they might as well still have been children. AUBREY handed BASIL a can too, but he refused.

“HERO, this is actually perfect.” SUNNY told HERO. They stood away from the other three. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?”

“You can play the piano, right?”

“Yes...” HERO wasn’t sure; it had been a long time since he played the piano.

“Could you help me with recording, then?”

“Oh, I couldn’t do that.”

“Please.”

HERO looked into SUNNY’s remaining one eye. It was hard to imagine that this was the same boy that he knew from all those years ago. Just 4 years ago, it would’ve been difficult to imagine SUNNY speaking at all, let alone asking something of him. HERO wasn’t really sure what to do.

“MARI must have played them herself, right?” He came up with an excuse.

“Yes, but I want you on the record.”

“But... why?”

SUNNY turned around to the other three. They were chatting and drinking. AUBREY was already getting drunk; KEL dreaded having to take her home. BASIL nervously laughed as he munched on a snack. He noticed SUNNY was staring at them. Once BASIL turned around to him, the other two also looked at SUNNY and HERO.

“What’s up?” KEL asked.

“I was asking SUNNY why he wanted me to play piano.” HERO said.

“Oh, yeah.” AUBREY said. “He asked me to play bass out of nowhere too, as soon as I mentioned I was learning it.”

“Yeah, and he also told me to hit those drums. That was weird.”

“I wanted all of us to be a part of the album.” SUNNY confessed. “I’m not sure why.”

“Ohhh...” KEL exclaimed. “Makes sense.”

“Couldn’t you have just told us that?” AUBREY sipped on her can again.

“I was...” SUNNY scratched his head. “Embarrassed.”

AUBREY bursted out laughing at that. She began laughing like a maniac between hiccups. KEL didn’t find it that funny, but her laugh made him chuckle too. SUNNY blushed and stared at HERO again, facing away from the rest of them.

HERO looked at the grand piano. This was hers; she used to play for him in this very room. Would he have any right to use it? He remembered what AUBREY said; it felt like gravedigging.

But perhaps this was what he needed to finally put his heart at ease. He couldn’t let her haunt him forever. He couldn’t let the thought of her music terrify him. He was going to have to confront it. SUNNY was standing here in front of him, already having fought his battle; and HERO was playing catch-up with him.

He told himself he would never make the mistake of leaving them behind again. But it was the exact opposite. It was them who was leaving him behind; and he had to chase after them if he wanted to let go.

“Alright, SUNNY.” HERO sighed. “If that’s what you want.”

“Thank you.”

SUNNY walked over to the desk and grabbed some papers. He handed it to HERO. HERO looked through them. They were sheet music, handwritten. There was the initial notation, which seemed to be MARI’s. There were much more added to the arrangement since then, presumably by SUNNY. On the top, the name of the piece was written: Sunny. The piano parts that HERO had to play were highlighted in red.

HERO looked at the ending of the piece, which was among the parts he had to play. He recognized this melody. It was something she used to play for him, right before SUNNY’s attempt; before everything happened.

It was the waltz they were going to play for their recital.

“This song is...”

“I know.” SUNNY said. “Get ready.”

SUNNY went over to the desk and started setting the recording up. HERO sat down by the piano and put the sheet music in front of him. KEL, AUBREY and BASIL saw them get ready and stopped chatting.

SUNNY grabbed something that was on his desk. It was a violin. He put it against his shoulder and readied his bow. The recording had already started. SUNNY looked back at HERO, waiting for him to start. They glanced at each other. HERO turned his head and fixed his eyes on the sheet music.

HERO began to play.

No one's ever lost forever

When I die, I’ll go away

But I will visit you occasionally

Do not be afraid

No one's ever lost forever

They are caught inside your heart

If you garden it and water it

They make you what you are

“No one's ever lost forever

When you died, you went away

But you will visit me occasionally

I won’t be afraid

No one's ever lost forever

Memories are where you reside

I will keep them in a song

That’s how I can stay alive.”

It was a little before midnight. He just woke up from a nap. It was the first time he laid down in his bed in weeks. His friends should still be downstairs. He had something to show them before they went home. He grabbed the CDs from his desk. He opened the door and went outside the bedroom. The house was well lit. He glanced outside the window. It was always hard to see the stars from here. But the moon was clear and bright.

He began walking down the stairs. His friends came out of the living room to search for him. They found him coming down the stairs. KEL waved. AUBREY looked like she partied too hard earlier in the day and wanted to go to bed already. BASIL’s face became brighter when he saw SUNNY. He walked towards the stairs.

When SUNNY reached the floor, he showed them the CDs. There were four of them. He told them the album was done but wanted to save these as a surprise until now. He wasn’t sure why. She would have done it like this too, he thought.

He held the CD out, and they looked at it with starry eyes. The front cover art was the illustration of MARI. It wasn’t the same; he drew new line art over the original sketch. It was less messy and more detailed now. He did the line art with a pencil and scanned the paper at the local library.

The back had no images. It only had text written in a simple font over a white background.

LILY OF THE VALLEY
MARI

2009.11.28

PERSONNEL:

MARI: Vocals, piano, composition, lyrics

SUNNY SUZUKI: Producer, violin, cover art

KELSEY COLDWOOD: Percussion (2)

AUBREY JORGENSEN: Bass (2, 5)

HENRY COLDWOOD: Piano (1, 10)

Special thanks to BASIL FOX

Recorded in FARAWAY, California

We miss you every day, MARI.

“Wow,” KEL let out. “It’s so weird seeing our names here.”

“What the fuck...” AUBREY grunted, trying to stop the tears from coming out. “Surreal.”

“I really don’t deserve this.” BASIL faced down. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You’re the only reason this got done in time,” SUNNY said.

SUNNY handed him one of the CDs. BASIL reluctantly took it. SUNNY gave AUBREY one too, and he gave KEL two of them.

“I get two?” KEL was perplexed.

“I’m counting on you to give one to HERO.”

“Oh...” He held both CDs. “Yeah, got it.”

He smiled. He led the three of them to the front door. They stood by the doorway. KEL, AUBREY and BASIL kept looking at the CDs in their hands. SUNNY looked at them and said this.

“Thank you, everyone.”

Inside the record store, a smooth jazz record was playing. Orange tinted incandescent light illuminated the interior. It was a small, cozy building populated by shelves of vinyls and CDs. There was a record player in the middle. The show owner was sitting behind the counter, which was right by the front door. He was an old man in glasses wearing an apron. He sipped coffee from his mug and read a newspaper.

SUNNY went through the ‘indie’ section. These shelves in the deeper corners of the store and the CDs were more densely packed. He found the one he was looking for. He pulled the CD out. The monochrome illustration of MARI greeted him. He stared at it for a moment and put it back again. He looked at the album, lined up with CDs by other bands.

“That’s the last one left, you know.”

The owner had come out from behind the counter. He had a broom in his hand.

“I’m expecting another batch soon. It’s quite the buzz among the hipster kids in the city.”

SUNNY softly chuckled at that.

“They say no one knows who made the music.” The owner said, as he swept the floor.

“I see.” SUNNY replied.

“I know the fellow who runs the label... He wouldn’t tell me either. Not that I was curious.” He looked at SUNNY. “Have you heard it?”

He nodded. “Someone... showed it to me.”

“Hmm.” He continued sweeping. “Pretty voice she has, doesn’t she?”

“Yes.”

The owner sat the broom by one of the shelves. He returned to the counter. He crossed his arms and glared at SUNNY.

“So are you buying it or not?”

“No, I already have one.”

“Ah.” He sat down again and returned to his papers.

SUNNY looked back at the shelf. He wanted someone else to have this. Anyone would do. A girl with similar thoughts to what she had, or someone going through grief like him; it didn’t matter. Just the chance that anyone could hear her music comforted him. Who knows? Perhaps someone will hear it at the right point in their life. It could even save them, like it saved her for a brief time.

However, out of guilt, he grabbed a random CD - also produced by Mr. PARK’s label - and brought it over to the register.

It was a nice December afternoon. Slightly chilly, but much warmer than the season typically was. The sun shined brightly.

This was the last day SUNNY was staying in FARAWAY. He was sitting on a bench with BASIL at the park. There were only a few homeless people and some kids running around. The leaves on the trees were withering away.

“You won’t miss me, right?” SUNNY asked, somewhat jokingly.

BASIL looked back at him and thought for a moment. “I guess I’d be lying if I didn’t say I would, just a little,” he replied. “But it’s just going back to how things were before.”

“And you’re fine with that?”

“Well, I can’t make you stay.”

“I don’t know.” He said. “I guess if you tried to, that’d make me happy.”

BASIL laughed at that. “You know I’m better about that now.”

An icy wind blew past them. BASIL clenched his fist and let out a breath. SUNNY saw him shiver slightly. He held BASIL’s hand with his hand. They glanced at each other. Then they returned to watching the scenery of the park.

SUNNY sighed. “It’s been an exhausting few weeks.”

“Mhmm. I still can’t believe all that’s happened.”

“It all feels like a dream.” SUNNY said. “Not just the album... Sometimes, I wish I could wake up and it was that day again. Before the recital.”

“SUNNY...” BASIL stared at him worriedly.

“But that’s not gonna happen. She’s gone and we’re still here. I know it’s never going to change. I thought I accepted that, but it’s hard to let go completely.”

“It’s not fair.” BASIL looked down. “But maybe we have to live on for her sake.”

“There shouldn’t have to be a reason. We have to live. It’s not up for debate.”

“I know.” BASIL replied. “It’s just hard. Living on like this, left behind by those who left early... It’s hard.”

“It will be alright.” SUNNY looked at BASIL. “As long as we stay alive, things can always get better.”

They smiled at each other. For the first time in years, there was no doubt in BASIL’s mind that everything was going to be okay. SUNNY thought the same thing. It felt like starting now, they could begin to learn how to live in a world without MARI. They may never get used to it, but that would be fine. They’d be alive together, and that was all that mattered.

The weather was getting colder. It felt like something wet and cold were falling down on them. They looked up.

It was snowing.

MARI dove into the lake. There was no hesitation. She saw him sink and her legs moved. Her knees hurt, but she couldn’t care about that. She swam deeper into the water until she saw him. His eyes were closed. He was barely struggling, like he was already dead. Dead - the word flashed by her head. She grabbed onto him and pulled him up.

She pulled him out and laid him down on the grass. He was unresponsive. She heard the others yell, but it was strange - she could barely hear them, like their voices were muffled. She could barely feel anything; not even the cold from the water. She only felt the pumping of her heart.

She realized what was happening. She was panicking. Once that settled in, she began crying. She called out SUNNY’s name as she tried to wake him up, like how she would wake him up when he pretended to be asleep to skip school. Her cries grew louder until she was shouting his name at the top of her lungs. She couldn’t tell whether the water in her face were her tears or if it was from the lake.

SUNNY slowly opened his eyes. He coughed up some water and saw MARI crying. He wanted to tell her to stop doing that, but couldn’t let out a single sound. MARI cried more, but this time with relief. She didn’t even realize that she herself was shivering as well. She tried to wipe her tears away, but it didn’t help, since her arms were wet too.

SUNNY sat up straight. He started tearing up, too. Maybe it was because he had almost died, or maybe it was just because he saw his sister cry. MARI hugged him. He felt some of her body warmth.

MARI held him tight. The siblings cried together in the freezing cold. They felt each other’s heartbeats. The overwhelming fear of death numbed all of their senses. They felt intensely that they were alive. She whispered into his ear.

“Thank you, SUNNY. Thank you for being alive.”

THE END